https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg4-week-20-happy-smiley-driving-song/ Guitar Noise Discussion Board en-US Thu, 04 Jun 2026 16:52:13 +0000 wpForo 60 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg4-week-20-happy-smiley-driving-song/#post-168065 Fri, 24 Mar 2006 02:49:31 +0000
Cool knowing that you're a rocker.

"The devil on one shoulder
And my angel in the trunk
I'm headed for the border
In this rusty piece of junk"

That was almost borderline cliche, until you tossed the "angel in the trunk." That could also be a double meaning. The woman in the trunk!? :shock:]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Ghost https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg4-week-20-happy-smiley-driving-song/#post-168065 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg4-week-20-happy-smiley-driving-song/#post-167643 Wed, 22 Mar 2006 17:42:15 +0000
I like the way the story unfolds throughout the song
just giving bit of information about ''the mess'' until
the final reveal. Good Job!

Tokia makes a good point about switch the line in verse 3.
I think that works well and gives a tighter feel to the song.

I love Saber's idea for a title :lol:

Sounds like a Quentin Tarantino film but it reveals to much
of the story.

Maybe "My Mexican Road Trip" would work.

Now on to the opening line.

Paul makes a good point but "I'm on the road to nowhere" has
been used very effectively by the Talking Heads. When reading
this I couldn't get that line out of my mind.

I think "I'm on my way to nowhere" would be better or
you could consider changing the entire line.

Just my thoughts

John]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Celt https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg4-week-20-happy-smiley-driving-song/#post-167643 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg4-week-20-happy-smiley-driving-song/#post-167475 Wed, 22 Mar 2006 02:36:05 +0000
Sure there's no ground breaking ryme patterns, or clever and captivating analogies, but you take simple language and tell a decent story with it. I say run with it.

Although I'd change the title from happy smiley driving song, which really only gets it's appeal from simple irony, to something more like "road trip to mexico with a dead hooker in my trunk."

Cheers.]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Saber https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg4-week-20-happy-smiley-driving-song/#post-167475 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg4-week-20-happy-smiley-driving-song/#post-167473 Wed, 22 Mar 2006 02:27:02 +0000
On my first read ( and this always happens to me ) I got a little lost ..

But when I read it a second time I totally understtod it , would be great to listen to especially after a argument with the Mrs :lol:

Once again mate well done

Hilch :?:]]> Sunday Songwriters Group BarnaBus RoX https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg4-week-20-happy-smiley-driving-song/#post-167473 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg4-week-20-happy-smiley-driving-song/#post-167461 Wed, 22 Mar 2006 01:57:09 +0000
I have to confess, despite all the positive comments, I hate the song I have written (I deliberately neglected to mention that when I posted it). It is totally out of my style and I am having great difficulty doing the music for it or singing it. I feel that many lines are sloppily written and don't fit the meter well (they sound like a beginner's lines). Also, everthing comes in fours, which I desperately want to break away from. After the second or third phase of writing it I ended up with eight verses featuring the same old ABCB rhyme scheme (which is essentially just a plain old rhyming couplet - not exatcly a challenging format - if you take out a couple of carriage returns). So, lazily, I just took the two most generic verses and turned them into a pre-chorus and a chorus. Shuffled the verses round a bit, chucked in the chorus a few more times, and hey presto. The slacker's guide to songwriting. In fact, this is the first song I've completed that I pretty much gave up on creatively, and probably won't add to my repertoire.

But hey, to post what I feel is a really bad song and get five thumbs up replies - that just makes me feel plain good about my writing skills and their progress! So thanks for your kind comments.]]> Sunday Songwriters Group martin-6 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg4-week-20-happy-smiley-driving-song/#post-167461 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg4-week-20-happy-smiley-driving-song/#post-167435 Wed, 22 Mar 2006 00:39:20 +0000
I like it, flows well, tells a good story. But I can't possibly let you get away without me having something to say :P .
I think this song is begging to have: I'm on the road to nowhereYes I know its a little cliche'd but that's a phrase everyone identifies with. Of course that would mean that you'll have to change line 2 to something like The drive's the last thing on my mind or something better.
Good song well done :D

Paul]]> Sunday Songwriters Group pbee https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg4-week-20-happy-smiley-driving-song/#post-167435 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg4-week-20-happy-smiley-driving-song/#post-167191 Tue, 21 Mar 2006 03:00:05 +0000 lovely rhyming structure too.

Great job.

Rod :wink:]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Rodders https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg4-week-20-happy-smiley-driving-song/#post-167191 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg4-week-20-happy-smiley-driving-song/#post-167169 Tue, 21 Mar 2006 01:57:38 +0000
I have to agree with chefie & jayrod this is a fine job but...
how about switching the lines in verse 3


Blue lights flashing in the mirror
Won't give up until I'm dead
When lights are green I speed on through
I close my eyes if they're red


Just my opinion]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Tokai 12 String https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg4-week-20-happy-smiley-driving-song/#post-167169 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg4-week-20-happy-smiley-driving-song/#post-167115 Mon, 20 Mar 2006 20:58:00 +0000 Sunday Songwriters Group jayrod36 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg4-week-20-happy-smiley-driving-song/#post-167115 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg4-week-20-happy-smiley-driving-song/#post-167098 Mon, 20 Mar 2006 18:49:49 +0000 Sunday Songwriters Group chefie https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg4-week-20-happy-smiley-driving-song/#post-167098