https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg8-week26-the-painful-fall-of-a-great-reputation/ Guitar Noise Discussion Board en-US Fri, 05 Jun 2026 09:26:36 +0000 wpForo 60 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg8-week26-the-painful-fall-of-a-great-reputation/#post-352287 Sun, 02 May 2010 23:10:09 +0000 Trying to tie in the loss of love with a loss of reputation . . .

I could talk about collateral
I could talk about the damage
I could talk about the depth of pain
Like it was a rite of passage

But it wasn't that which hurt the most
When I look back on it now
I think of credibility
I think of loss of power

It was the painful fall
It was the painful fall
It was the painful fall ... Of a great reputation

I could talk of overwhelming
I could talk about defeat
I could talk of love not won
But it wouldn't really matter (But nothing of a settled peace)

None of that is going to help now
In this there is no winner
Both of us have lost at love
And you have lost your honor

It was the painful fall
It was the painful fall
It was the painful fall ... Of a great reputation]]> Sunday Songwriters Group KR2 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg8-week26-the-painful-fall-of-a-great-reputation/#post-352287 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg8-week26-the-painful-fall-of-a-great-reputation/#post-352284 Sun, 02 May 2010 21:37:22 +0000
Paul, i have to admit that the verse did not draw me in that much at first either, although i do like the structure of "i could talk about .. like it was... but it wasn't that" a lot :D then listening to Jeff's mp3 really added a glow to your lyrics that i could not resist anymore :D aw, well done, Jeff! the rhythm, the bit of conversation at the end (love such things! ever since first hearing it in a Bright Eyes song), your voice- beautiful!
and i think adding the imagery pairs to the lines will work out terrifically!

i have a feeling this will be a fine mixture of minimal-visual-direct-indirect :wink:
curious to see if verse 2 will unravel some of the mystery (what damage? who?) :wink:

cheers,
straycat.]]> Sunday Songwriters Group straycat. https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg8-week26-the-painful-fall-of-a-great-reputation/#post-352284 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg8-week26-the-painful-fall-of-a-great-reputation/#post-352101 Thu, 29 Apr 2010 06:41:09 +0000
Cheers

Paul]]> Sunday Songwriters Group pbee https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg8-week26-the-painful-fall-of-a-great-reputation/#post-352101 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg8-week26-the-painful-fall-of-a-great-reputation/#post-352096 Thu, 29 Apr 2010 04:34:27 +0000
I could talk about collateral (Rubble and Bones)
I could talk about the damage (Charcoal and Rust)
I could talk about rebellion (Bodies in Rags)
Like it was right of passage (Dirt and Lime Dust)

When this is sung just behind each line it almost tells the story I had in my head when I read through the lyrics...holes dug somewhere with bodies lying in them sprinkled with lime dust...an atrocity of war, ethnic cleansing etc etc...

I'll try to add this to the MP3 later

Take care

Jeff]]> Sunday Songwriters Group 2thtaker https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg8-week26-the-painful-fall-of-a-great-reputation/#post-352096 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg8-week26-the-painful-fall-of-a-great-reputation/#post-352048 Wed, 28 Apr 2010 16:17:58 +0000
Nice job bringing the lyrics to life :D Strong at the beginning. Nice grove. It seems to wander a bit here "I think of credibility;I think of loss of power It was the painful fall"
Sorry to be a party pooper but this lyric doesn't draw me in, it alienates me. Regarding Martin's comment, I can see his point. There aren't many "warm fuzzy" words to draw the listener in, and the coding makes it a bit hard. Again, I think Jeff does a great job at delivery and creating a mood, but I agree to want to know what's going on sometime soon in the next verse.

It's an assumption, but I think a lot of listeners like to know the general idea of what's going on in the song....there is a place for mystery as well....For me though, it's too soon to fine tune until all the pieces are brought to the table....which is why these assignments are a change for me. I tend to like to have the idea worked out before writing lyrics or music....so it's a good stretch to watch the development unfold.

Nice work so far! Looks like we might get more songs out of the collaboration this go round :D

James]]> Sunday Songwriters Group jamestoffee https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg8-week26-the-painful-fall-of-a-great-reputation/#post-352048 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg8-week26-the-painful-fall-of-a-great-reputation/#post-352035 Wed, 28 Apr 2010 10:06:37 +0000
nice job on the mp3, I thought the "Daddy can I have a drink of water please" actually fitted in nicely at the end, a bit like "Symbol in my driveway" from Jack Johnson where there's a whole lot of background talking going on.
Also the way you phrased "It was rite of passage" is how I originally wrote it but I thought that that was grammatically incorrect so I put the "a" in there, but it sounded good to me

cheers
Paul]]> Sunday Songwriters Group pbee https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg8-week26-the-painful-fall-of-a-great-reputation/#post-352035 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg8-week26-the-painful-fall-of-a-great-reputation/#post-352019 Wed, 28 Apr 2010 03:39:03 +0000
You Three should work together more often :D
From a simple chorus you've managed to put together something
that is more than the sum of it's parts.

Let's throw Ken in there too. His suggestion works very well.

The whole thing reminds me of two of my favorite Canadian
Songwriters Bruce Cockburn & Leonard Cohen.

I will be very interested in seeing where this one goes.
I can see the next verse being either sung by a female
or maybe starting with "And she said" if done by a male.

OOPS Hope I didn't tip my hand there.

Great Job

:note1: :note1: :note1:

John]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Celt https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg8-week26-the-painful-fall-of-a-great-reputation/#post-352019 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg8-week26-the-painful-fall-of-a-great-reputation/#post-352018 Wed, 28 Apr 2010 03:16:26 +0000
The way you are talking to the person in the song is so secretive and cryptic, it's like overhearing a private conversation between two strangers, where you have no idea what they are talking about. There are no specifics or details that can shed any light on the story for a third-party listener. To me, that's frustrating.

Maybe there are famous songs written this way that work, I don't know. Maybe you wanted to set it up to totally blossom in the 2nd verse. I just know that on paper, it's (so far) not a song that intrigues me or makes me want to hear it.

Just one man's opinion, hope someone can prove me wrong next week.]]> Sunday Songwriters Group martin-6 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg8-week26-the-painful-fall-of-a-great-reputation/#post-352018 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg8-week26-the-painful-fall-of-a-great-reputation/#post-352017 Wed, 28 Apr 2010 03:11:39 +0000
OK Here's an MP3 of your song...Sorry about the kids in the background!

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_songInfo.cfm?bandID=1058026&songID=9073668

Jeff]]> Sunday Songwriters Group 2thtaker https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg8-week26-the-painful-fall-of-a-great-reputation/#post-352017 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg8-week26-the-painful-fall-of-a-great-reputation/#post-352007 Tue, 27 Apr 2010 23:34:57 +0000
Thanks for the comment

Cheers
Paul]]> Sunday Songwriters Group pbee https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/ssg8-week26-the-painful-fall-of-a-great-reputation/#post-352007