https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/sun-song-yr-14-week-1-where-did-we-go-wrong/ Guitar Noise Discussion Board en-US Fri, 05 Jun 2026 08:25:12 +0000 wpForo 60 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/sun-song-yr-14-week-1-where-did-we-go-wrong/#post-386642 Mon, 23 Nov 2015 06:29:30 +0000
As for the lyrics, like I say, I love the lines that you've split in half and repeated. While the topic is vague and could be made more coherent, keeping some of the vagueness works for me.]]> Sunday Songwriters Group NewYorkSkiffle https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/sun-song-yr-14-week-1-where-did-we-go-wrong/#post-386642 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/sun-song-yr-14-week-1-where-did-we-go-wrong/#post-386618 Fri, 13 Nov 2015 16:29:01 +0000
The chorus certainly needs work, as I'm talking about a path which doesn't actually tie to that theme at all. It's just kind of out there in left field somewhere. And maybe change line 1 on verse 2 to "Searching to find continual bliss" or "searching how we find ourselves happiness".

pbee I like that idea of question question statement setup. I think I'm going to rework a lot of these verses with these ideas. I tend to write, record, submit and then critique later. Unfortunately, by doing things this way lyrics many times come out disjointed, which has always been a weakness (hence why I'm working on it! haha).

Thanks again!

BG]]> Sunday Songwriters Group guentherb121 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/sun-song-yr-14-week-1-where-did-we-go-wrong/#post-386618 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/sun-song-yr-14-week-1-where-did-we-go-wrong/#post-386611 Wed, 11 Nov 2015 22:38:24 +0000 I think there is potential here with a couple of tweaks. For me the song would benefit from some assertion in the chorus on the lines of say “together we can find that place….. together there is no ….”. As it stands there just seems to be more questions. So the new pattern of your song becomes Question, Question, Assertion/Statement, Question, Assertion/Statement.

Cheers
Paul]]> Sunday Songwriters Group pbee https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/sun-song-yr-14-week-1-where-did-we-go-wrong/#post-386611 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/sun-song-yr-14-week-1-where-did-we-go-wrong/#post-386610 Wed, 11 Nov 2015 20:28:39 +0000
In verse 2, the singer thinks that the second person has some knowledge that the singer doesn't have. But in the chorus, it seems that they're both lost.


The first line in verse 2 seems forced. Seeking "timeless, endless bliss" doesn't seem realistic for most people. Maybe this is a religious reference.]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Hobson https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/sun-song-yr-14-week-1-where-did-we-go-wrong/#post-386610 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/sun-song-yr-14-week-1-where-did-we-go-wrong/#post-46419 Mon, 09 Nov 2015 02:42:26 +0000
I've posted some songs during last years session, but was not very consistent, and am going to attempt to make it each week (fingers crossed). I have to say I enjoyed the challenge of writing in sonnet form. Anyway words are below. Any and all feedback welcomed. Hope you enjoy!

https://soundcloud.com/barry-guenther/where-did-we-go-wrong

Verse 1
Sitting drinking coffee writing this song
Not sure what to say not sure what to say
Where do we go where we feel we belong
A place we can play a place we can play

Verse 2
Searching how we seek timeless endless bliss
Somewhere we feel good somewhere we feel good
Do you know where we find a place like this
Somehow thought you would somehow thought you would

Chorus
Which way is up which way is down you say
Now we walk along now we walk along
Path unfamiliar we can’t find our way
Where did we go wrong where did we go wrong

Verse 4
Imagine a place we could start anew
Could it see us through could it see us through]]> Sunday Songwriters Group guentherb121 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/sun-song-yr-14-week-1-where-did-we-go-wrong/#post-46419