https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/w-44-you-know/ Guitar Noise Discussion Board en-US Thu, 04 Jun 2026 17:52:31 +0000 wpForo 60 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/w-44-you-know/#post-198965 Sat, 16 Sep 2006 03:30:43 +0000
m]]> Sunday Songwriters Group sytys https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/w-44-you-know/#post-198965 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/w-44-you-know/#post-198125 Mon, 11 Sep 2006 00:19:26 +0000
I've got to be honest... There are the hints of a story here, just waiting to get out, but I'm not sure what that story is. You've been fairly consistent in your word choice here, so I know you're not just going random all over the place to sound profound ( which I've seen newer writers do ). Maybe give us a bit of back story so we can get up to speed.

Also, phrases like "we wouldn't just abide"... My suggestion would be to avoid using words that you don't use in every day talk, unless that word really captures what you're trying to say. This is especially true when that word is the used to complete a rhyme... it'll stick out like sore thumb.

One the plus side, you've got some solid uses of imagery. Also, you've succeeded in creating a definite mood of conflict and fear; I've always found this the tough part.

Keep it up.]]> Sunday Songwriters Group SlowPlay https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/w-44-you-know/#post-198125 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/w-44-you-know/#post-20248 Fri, 08 Sep 2006 02:50:35 +0000
you know

--------------------------------------------------------

lightning flashed, before my eyes
i knew what was inside
grabbed my gun
into a run
we wouldn't just abide

sensed his breath, within my chest
i slid like sliding home
point and shoot
absolute
too bad he weren't alone

came at her, knee to his nuts
knocked him on his back
kicked his face
pulled out the mace
he ain't never comin back

sometimes you know when you're danger
you feel it in a deeper place
a deeper thought, a beat of heart
it's how you know when you're danger

i've caught it, in a subtle tone
a smile simply out of place
callin on my friend
can't comprehend
i wish they'd tell it to my face

they mess around most everyday
in almost every other way
here and there
without a prayer
i think it's time for them to pray

sometimes you know when you're danger
you feel it in a deeper place
a deeper thought, a beat of heart
it's how you know when you're danger

---------------------------------------------------------

marty]]> Sunday Songwriters Group sytys https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/w-44-you-know/#post-20248