https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/week-14-my-first-on-here-w00t/ Guitar Noise Discussion Board en-US Thu, 04 Jun 2026 23:01:29 +0000 wpForo 60 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/week-14-my-first-on-here-w00t/#post-56608 Sun, 08 Feb 2004 23:29:56 +0000
i'm glad i found this place, i've been writing poetry/songs for about 3 years now, and have never found anyone to look at my work and help me out with it!]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Anonymous https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/week-14-my-first-on-here-w00t/#post-56608 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/week-14-my-first-on-here-w00t/#post-56607 Sun, 08 Feb 2004 22:07:54 +0000 Welcome to the forum

Your lyrics have a great depth of feeling , great stuff. especially as abab rhyming is not easy.

But I would make a few minor changes

The gray rain fell slowly from the skies
pelting the red glow of her cheeks
her heart,broken by so many lies
why had she trusted him for so many weeks

She knew in the end this would happen
he betrayed her, put a knife in her back
like all the rest she's ever known
was it her fault? something she lacked?

Chorus
Redness flowed freely against pearl
once again she was a hurting young girl


Questions racked her young mind
Could she trust with such deepness again
why does everyone seem to be kind
In this world so filled with pain.

Chorus
Redness flowed freely against pearl
once again she is a hurting young girl

Well just my thoughts, hope to srr you back.
Go well
Ja'mir ;)]]> Sunday Songwriters Group jamir https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/week-14-my-first-on-here-w00t/#post-56607 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/week-14-my-first-on-here-w00t/#post-1700 Sun, 08 Feb 2004 11:13:15 +0000 pelting against the red glow of her cheeks
her heart had been broken by so many lies
why had she trusted him for so many weeks

She knew in the end this would happen
he betrayed her, put a knife in her back
like all the rest she's ever known
was it her fault? was it something she lacked?

Redness flowed freely against pearl
the pain her her heart went straight to her arm
once again she was a hurting young girl
watching rivers of red feeling no alarm

Questions racked her young mind
Could she trust with such deepness again
why does everyone seem to be kind
When they know this world is so full of sin

Unanswered they will remain
her mind wracked with tortourous thoughts
does she have anything left to gain
In this world so filled with pain.]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Anonymous https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/week-14-my-first-on-here-w00t/#post-1700