https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/week-16-3/ Guitar Noise Discussion Board en-US Thu, 04 Jun 2026 05:31:48 +0000 wpForo 60 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/week-16-3/#post-363994 Wed, 23 Feb 2011 00:09:46 +0000 David, I do like your sugestions and will probably go with them. This has almost an Irish vibe, doesn't it? I was trying to tie in the Polish and try to bring in the accdordion; maybe a polka?
Dan,Teresa was my grandma, and our sainted sister Theresa was named after her.]]> Sunday Songwriters Group katreich https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/week-16-3/#post-363994 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/week-16-3/#post-363987 Tue, 22 Feb 2011 21:24:51 +0000
Great story! I could picture you singing it, or Nick if someone felt the male voice was necessary.

For some reason I tripped over "Croats" rhyming with "boats", as I think it's usually "Crow-ats", but I'm being picky. Mr Dylan has forced tougher rhymes.]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Dan Lasley https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/week-16-3/#post-363987 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/week-16-3/#post-363986 Tue, 22 Feb 2011 20:36:35 +0000
Nice story and some great lines and imagery. I don't think the chorus is too long but I do think some unifying phrase or structure might help tighten the lyrics up a bit. I especially like the way the last verse ends so that made me think that "Working Underground" might be a good title and focal point. You could use it to end the verses and choruses, kind of like this:

It's dim and dank and dirty
In the bowels of the mine
Not quite what I imagined
In the immigration line
It's dark when I go down below
And dark when the shifts change 'round
Two hours of sun on Sunday
Then back to working underground

Chorus:
So draw my bath Teresa
Wash the day off from my skin
While I rinse the soot from out my throat
With a healthy drink of gin
Cause it's back below tomorrow
Somewhere deeper darker down
We're building up an American dream
By working underground

There were Poles , Italian, Irish
Ukrainians and Croats
Arriving to our future
In the bellies of the boats
Chasing stories from our cousins
Fame and fortune to be found
We left our home and homeland
To go working underground

Obviously this is very rough, but maybe it can give you more ideas. Since you're setting this in West Virginia, you might want to pull out the mandolin!

Peace]]> Sunday Songwriters Group David Hodge https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/week-16-3/#post-363986 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/week-16-3/#post-363946 Mon, 21 Feb 2011 16:44:49 +0000
The chorus was still an important part of songs way back then I think. It wasn't invented in recent years, it is an integral part of most songs because it serves a purpose. Thinking about a couple of songs from that era, 'Wait Til the Sun Shines Nellie' and 'Sweet Adeline', they both have choruses that are shorter and more repetitive. They may be over a hundred years old, but have lasted and are known to me because of the choruses. I remember and can sing the chorus, and the songs would have been lost to me long ago had it not been for that.

Not saying you are striving for a song that lasts a hundred years, maybe just wanting to tell a good story which it is, but that is something that would improve the song and help the listener to really get into the song more. Chances are that this listener anyway, would zone out for parts of it given the length and no real change.

I can't tell stories in song form without getting way too long, so am most appreciative of those that can and will say again that this is very nice work!]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Melody https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/week-16-3/#post-363946 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/week-16-3/#post-363943 Mon, 21 Feb 2011 11:45:02 +0000
The "chorus" reads a bit long....but I'm sure the music style of a "chorus" was different than today.

Thanks for sharing the background story.]]> Sunday Songwriters Group jamestoffee https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/week-16-3/#post-363943 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/week-16-3/#post-40820 Mon, 21 Feb 2011 03:35:08 +0000
It's dim and dank and dirty
In the bowels of the mine
Not quite what I imagined
In the immigration line
It's dark when I go down below
And again when work is done
Won't be til Sunday morning
That I can see the sun

Chorus:
So draw my bath Teresa
Wash the day off from my skin
While I rinse the soot from out my throat
With a healthy drink of gin
Cause it's back below tomorrow
Stooping low beneath the beams
Just the first step of our finding
Our American dreams

There were Poles , Italian, Irish
Ukrainians and Croats
Arriving to our future
In the bellies of the boats
Chasing stories from our cousins
About riches yet untold
We left our home and homeland
To find those streets of gold.
Chorus

You know my dreams are bigger
Than the money that I earn
But you just wait Teresa
Some day I'll have my turn
And people will take notice
When we're out to paint the town
And I'll never in my life again
Go working underground.
Chorus:

It was kind of cool this topic came up, since I just got some copies of documents some of my cousins have been pulling together about my grandparents.
My grandfather, Joseph Fedro, was born in 1878 in Poland. As a teen, he made money hustling for tourist for resorts in the Carpathian mountains. He came to this country at age 18. He would have been about half my age in 1905. Birth records and the a copy of the 1910 census show him living in West Virginia at the time. Per my mother, he worked in the coal mines there, until he scraped up enough money to move to Wisconsin and buy a farm. He also worked as a land agent, getting other Polish miners from W Va. to move to the area. According to my mom, he was always looking for the next big thing, the one thing that would bring him his big break. From what I understand, he never did find it.]]> Sunday Songwriters Group katreich https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/week-16-3/#post-40820