https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/week-16-broken-head/ Guitar Noise Discussion Board en-US Thu, 04 Jun 2026 06:08:51 +0000 wpForo 60 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/week-16-broken-head/#post-56832 Fri, 20 Feb 2004 13:54:40 +0000 Your rewrite definitely flows better.
It amazes me how a subtle change in word order can have such a dramatic effect on the quality of a song.
I guess that is what makes it all so compelling.
Beren]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Beren https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/week-16-broken-head/#post-56832 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/week-16-broken-head/#post-56831 Fri, 20 Feb 2004 13:27:19 +0000
You should never be afraid to mine the dark recesses of your psyche it's good for the soul.  I really like this it's got a good flow.  The imagery is good and 'Broken Head' is a great title.

One thing I would change is

I remember Becky when
She could have touched the sun and moon
I remember Becky then
I see you lying in this room

to (something like)

I remember Becky then
When she touched the sun and moon
And I remember Becky when
I see you lying in this room

unless I've misunderstood it (which is always a possibility ;D)

The transposition of then and when reads more straightforwardly to me.  And the second line seemed a bit too long for the rhythm I had going in my head.

Otherwise great stuff.

It is stretching the theme a bit but I won't be too extreme for that. ;)

Bob  :)]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Bob https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/week-16-broken-head/#post-56831 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/week-16-broken-head/#post-56830 Fri, 20 Feb 2004 13:09:14 +0000 Beren]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Beren https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/week-16-broken-head/#post-56830 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/week-16-broken-head/#post-56829 Thu, 19 Feb 2004 22:20:02 +0000 Sunday Songwriters Group Anonymous https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/week-16-broken-head/#post-56829 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/week-16-broken-head/#post-1742 Thu, 19 Feb 2004 21:57:56 +0000
Broken Head

When I get home tonight
Will you still be lying in your bed
When I get home tonight
Will the sun have touched your broken head

Cos all your friends are asking
When will we be coming round
And I can't bear to tell them
If I did I'd have to shout

Broken Head, Broken Head
You only look like the girl
But when I get up close
I can see that you're not really her

I remember Becky when
She could have touched the sun and moon
I remember Becky then
I see you lying in this room

Cos all the world is waiting
To see your magic smile
And I can't bear to tell them
I haven't seen it in a while

Broken Head, Broken Head
You only look like the girl
But when I get up close
I can see that you're not really her.

I hate to think which dark recess of my psyche that song has been hiding in but maybe I'll be a more cheerful person for writing it.
Beren
]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Beren https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/week-16-broken-head/#post-1742