https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/week-20-yesim-a-wretch-but-at-least-im-aw/ Guitar Noise Discussion Board en-US Fri, 05 Jun 2026 08:27:16 +0000 wpForo 60 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/week-20-yesim-a-wretch-but-at-least-im-aw/#post-57036 Sun, 21 Mar 2004 12:15:48 +0000
as for the 'I persuade myself to open my mouth/ everything that could fall out' line...it doesn't really end with this, the 'it would be terribly wrong/it would sound foolish/it would take me back...' part actually refers to the line
means that everything that could fall out of my mouth would be wrong...
it's the same with the second verse(every step I make could be out of line and so on).

what you said about a repeated line...I agree with you it doesn't need a chorus, I'm tired of the old verse-chorus-verse scheme but sometimes I feel like it so I have a chorus.
anyway this song definitly gets none;)
and I can't think of a line that would fit...I thought of something to do with the prying eyes already between the first and second verse but it would be too much and also kind of take away the effect of the third verse...any suggestions?

I guess this would work even without anything of this...conor oberst hasn't got choruses/repeated lines very often either,and his stuff is great.

well, thank you( don't think I don't appreciate your opinion)

bye
bluenightangel

btw I love the title of your 'rocked out princess';)]]> Sunday Songwriters Group straycat. https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/week-20-yesim-a-wretch-but-at-least-im-aw/#post-57036 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/week-20-yesim-a-wretch-but-at-least-im-aw/#post-57035 Sat, 20 Mar 2004 03:57:46 +0000
one line i don't understand - Open my mouth everything that could fall out. it then stops and starts a new sentance (can i call it that) by starting with 'It', so what about everything that could fall out?

it would makes more sense to have something like:
i persuade myself not to
open my mouth because everything could fall out.

Really liked the third verse.

I really don't feel this song want a chorus, but i feel it needs a line or two to be repeated a few times, just to make it a little more song like, maybe just a split sentance to some up the song, or something ironic about it?
]]> Sunday Songwriters Group EleganceOfGrace https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/week-20-yesim-a-wretch-but-at-least-im-aw/#post-57035 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/week-20-yesim-a-wretch-but-at-least-im-aw/#post-1805 Wed, 17 Mar 2004 19:31:16 +0000
hope someone likes it...
greetings
bluenightangel



Yes, I'm a wretch but at least I'm aware of it


I persuade myself not to
Open my mouth everything that could fall out
It would be terribly wrong
It would sound foolish
It would take me back, I'd lose track of time again
Reduced to the size of a child

So I try to keep up
Every step I make must be well planned beforehand
It could be out of line
It could be the wrong direction
It could- oh well I'm done with this

Tired of reasoning
I don't wanna be afraid no more
I turn around to look at you
Did you believe I wouldn't notice
Your prying eyes, awaiting my next failure

I don't care anymore

F***ing kill me if you please/it makes your day
My invitation is open to anyone
So challenge me and we'll see
Who will survive

I hope it isn't me
]]> Sunday Songwriters Group straycat. https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/week-20-yesim-a-wretch-but-at-least-im-aw/#post-1805