week 21 "mute" - Sunday Songwriters Group

Re: week 21 "mute"

Anonymous — Mon, 29 Mar 2004 10:36:13 +0000

Hey bluenightangel,

Yeah, it took me awhile, but I do like your little song. If only it wasn't about murdering someone in their sleep. That parts a bit unsettling for me. But the structure, the flow, the explanation, and so forth, are all put together rather well I think.

-- Scratch

Re: week 21 "mute"

straycat. — Sat, 27 Mar 2004 13:37:53 +0000

hello scratch.

thank you very much for even looking it up in a dictionary :D(and thx for the URL)

love,
bluenightangel

P.S.: So no worries, you're marvelling well, I'd say. does that also mean you like my little song? ;)

Re: week 21 "mute"

Anonymous — Thu, 25 Mar 2004 12:00:22 +0000

does 'pirouetting' exist?I couldn't find it in my dictionary.

intr.v. pirÂ·ouÂ·etÂ·ted, pirÂ·ouÂ·etÂ·ting, pirÂ·ouÂ·ettes
Yup. It does.

the last line...can you say marvel without refering to something(for example refering to you:'marvel at you')
......would 'and marvel eternally' be alright?

I would say yes, based on these three examples, also from dictionary.com:
==================
I will do marvels such as have not been done. --Ex. xxxiv. 10.

Nature's sweet marvel undefiled. --Emerson.

2. Wonder. ``Use lessens marvel.'' --Sir W. Scott.
==================

Anyway, it's obvious what you're referencing by using it as verb that way, so you don't need to mention it directly, as in "Marvel at you." In fact, that's more awkward than the way you have it. So no worries, you're marvelling well, I'd say.

-- Scratch

week 21 "mute"

straycat. — Tue, 23 Mar 2004 21:04:17 +0000

hello.

this week's topic is good, not because I want to write love songs but because it brought me to write a song I really like but it doesn't really fit in here anymore;)
so here's another song I wrote for this week:

>>Mute<<

Watching your chest slightly moving
Feeling your breath against my skin
Counting your fragile eyelashes
And wondering what you dream

My thoughts are flowing slower now

~
I love you when you're sleeping
So why don't you sleep the whole time
And never wake up again
~

Awake you're a nightmare
The one I can't chase away by opening my eyes
You don't beat me up
You don't scream at me
Nor do you measure love

Though I tear and scratch
And behave like a lunatic rather often
You'll never let go of my hand
Clinging to yours

My thoughts are restlessly pirouetting

~
I love you when you're sleeping
So why don't you sleep and never wake up again?
~

Like a ghost my hand is moving
I feel your breath against my skin
This hand of mine covers your mouth
Shall I keep it there?
Sweet imagination:
My lover fallen silent
No longer breathing
No longer staring
I could put you to rest in a glass coffin
And marvel eternally/And marvel at you eternally

so...
does 'pirouetting' exist?I couldn't find it in my dictionary.
the last line...can you say marvel without refering to something(for example refering to you:'marvel at you')
because I guess 'marvel at you' is too long and I don't want to use 'watch you eternally'...would 'and marvel eternally' be alright?

thanx in advance
bluenightangel