https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/week-30-owa/ Guitar Noise Discussion Board en-US Thu, 04 Jun 2026 09:54:58 +0000 wpForo 60 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/week-30-owa/#post-181439 Sun, 04 Jun 2006 15:35:36 +0000
Nice piece - certainly takes a different slant on the assignment. Last verse gives me a bit of trouble I don't think it's nearly as strong as the rest ofthe song. Bit of tweaking here should see it right.

Must have been a good dream

Good stuff

Bob :wink:]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Bob https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/week-30-owa/#post-181439 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/week-30-owa/#post-180986 Fri, 02 Jun 2006 16:28:30 +0000 I didn't expect it to end so fast The second part sounds a bit odd to me.
I expected you to be there to my last Would you consider a slight change? Maybe:

I expected you to be my last

or:

I expected us to last

or something along those lines. That said, keep dreaming.

Joe]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Joe https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/week-30-owa/#post-180986 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/week-30-owa/#post-180879 Fri, 02 Jun 2006 06:17:13 +0000 Good song and certainly fits the assignment. I think the verse that Vic mentions is the one that I had a little trouble with.
The ending of your spark
No more walks through the park
Last moments burned my mind
Closure is hard to find Just the first 2 lines really, for some reason they don't work for me and I'm not sure why. But hey, the rest of the song is great

Cheers

Paul]]> Sunday Songwriters Group pbee https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/week-30-owa/#post-180879 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/week-30-owa/#post-180619 Thu, 01 Jun 2006 14:27:52 +0000
That was my first impression on reading anyway, and I've read through a couple of times since and it still feels like a kind of dark, atmospheric ballad.....

The only -tiny! - thing I can pick fault with is in this section....

"The ending of your spark
No more walks through the park
Last moments burned my mind
Closure is hard to find "

If closure really is hard to find, wouldn't those last moments STILL be running through your mind? That being the case I'd change line 3 to either "Last moments burn in my mind" "Last moments still burn my mind" or "last moments burn through my mind".....

Nice writing!

:D :D :D

Vic]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Vic Lewis VL https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/week-30-owa/#post-180619 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/week-30-owa/#post-18121 Thu, 01 Jun 2006 10:02:09 +0000
Are you there?
Or am I speaking into dead air?
Will your blood flow?
I say yes but God says no.
You not by my side.
Emotions rushing that I can't hide.

I didn't expect it to end so fast
I expected you to be there to my last
I expected you there when I place first
And have you carry me at my worst
Have you wake with the dawn
But now you're gone

Questions, with no answers
So annoyed
No one to turn to
or fill that void
You not by my side.
Emotions rushing that I can't hide.

I didn't expect it to end so fast
I expected you to be there to my last
I expected you there when I place first
And have you carry me at my worst
Have you wake with the dawn
But now you're gone

The ending of your spark
No more walks through the park
Last moments burned my mind
Closure is hard to find

I didn't expect it to end so fast
I expected you to be there to my last
I expected you there when I place first
And have you carry me at my worst
Have you wake with the dawn
But now you're gone]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Anonymous https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/week-30-owa/#post-18121