https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/week-35-whiteness/ Guitar Noise Discussion Board en-US Thu, 04 Jun 2026 15:17:10 +0000 wpForo 60 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/week-35-whiteness/#post-62980 Mon, 05 Jul 2004 13:10:51 +0000 I like to see songs stick to a recognisable verse structure that's surely easier to sing and everything...but more often than not I love songs that are a bit messed-up, not following a certain pattern:)
The song seems to ramble around a bit jumping from thought to thought and not really follow a logical progression or plot. oh sorry...it is absolutely clear to me though it just can't be to you
ok let me explain the story a bit
first verse is obvious(first time there, looks beautiful, what I actually really wore back then)
second verse refers to a girl named Katharina who is pretty...strenuous..she followed me and my friend Tina the whole trip cause she had no one else and alright first we felt sorry for her but...she really was a pain in my neck and I was about to forget myself and just, I dunno... scream at her, then the bridge(or however I should call it) wants to say that the beach and the beauty of the plain white stones saved me and I forgot that trouble for a while, next verse is still about that
and so is the chorus: an invitation to all of you who feel weak or annoyed to lie down there and relax(for this place is truly magical)
yes the next verse about the stones...I don't know what brought me to write this...it's basically the stones which have been around for a long time and witnessed many things, they "wait for the call to court"(wait to tell their stories) but they won't, won't accuse someone as it's all long gone("the call to the arms dies down unheard").and the last line...everywhere there are such witnesses

chorus again

verse 5 -I saw my classmates sitting down there in the sand(remember the tiny 'sand part' of Chesil Beach?) but I didn't want to join them+wanted to be alone, and the view was even better where I was

the 'white-washed' part is again obivously talking about how the beach's beauty, the whiteness, cured my bad mood(until the next stop Katharina went to go with us again)and now...now I just want to get back there...
I really want.

long explanation for a(from my point of view)rather straight forward kind of song;)
hope you read it&didn't fall asleep halfway through :wink:

best wishes
bluenightangel

a slightly reorderd version:

Whiteness, the panacea

I remember my first stroll there
A sky and sea out of a picture
Yet not in the least artificial
I wore brown cords, black jacket, new rainbow belt
And my favourite shoes

She had taken my nerves and squeezed
Like a lemon when you want a juice
Her will was surely good
But I almost drowned in the flood

A white stone became my asylum
And I forgot myself for a while

The white-faced pebbles
Convinced me to tear the leash,
Return the key
And let the stillness get to me

~
Lie down; sense the stones beneath your clothes
Even when the sun's feeling fragile
I'm feeling alright
As I release my soul for a while
~

Pure whiteness surrounding
Uncountable witnesses of time
Wait for the call to court
The call to the arms dies down unheard
Witnesses crowd the world sublime

~
Lie down; sense them against your clothes
The sun's feeling fragile, I'm alright
As worries turn a blind eye
Releasing my soul for a while
~

Yes, I see you waving in the sand
But much rather have the stones under my back
Besides the view..
Is more beautiful from up here

White-washed I took my leave
White-washed I've been until
White-washed ‘til the daily tortures annul my lead

Now I'd steal another reason to revisit the sea

hey now there's an order:) still quite chaotic though
A(verse1) B(verse2) C(bridge) B(verse3) D(chorus) A(verse4) D(chorus) B(verse5) E(ending) F(ending)

any other suggestions?]]> Sunday Songwriters Group straycat. https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/week-35-whiteness/#post-62980 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/week-35-whiteness/#post-62959 Sun, 04 Jul 2004 21:12:27 +0000
This is a good starting piece - I think, as Alan points out it needs structuring.

The chorus is really good. I'd keep that and use the alternative first line to it.

The song seems to ramble around a bit jumping from thought to thought and not really follow a logical progression or plot.

With a touch of editing and some reorganisation this would be a good piece. Give it a few days and come back to it and see if you wouldn't re-order it.

Chesil Beach is a great place windswept and interesting when I was last there.

Good start

Bob :wink:]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Bob https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/week-35-whiteness/#post-62959 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/week-35-whiteness/#post-62802 Wed, 30 Jun 2004 17:06:11 +0000
Well, it does what it sets out to do, but some of the line lengths worry me. There's also an uneven number of lines in each section, and I like to see songs stick to a recognisable verse structure.]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Alan Green https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/week-35-whiteness/#post-62802 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/week-35-whiteness/#post-2724 Tue, 29 Jun 2004 18:05:07 +0000
this is about chesil beach(don't know the spelling) which is to be found in south england where we(the 10th grade of my school) were last year in april, may. it was beautiful...england is great(and the food*yammi*). I like this particular beach because it's pretty much just white stones and a narrow 'sand part'...and the sea...the waves...it was really breathtaking:)

well, here we go:


Whiteness, the panacea

I remember my first stroll there
A sky and sea out of a picture
Yet not in the least artificial
I still know what I wore
Brown cords, black jacket, new rainbow belt
And my favourite shoes
My hair loose in the wind

She had taken my nerves and squeezed
Like a lemon when you want a juice
Her will was surely good
But I almost drowned in the flood

A white stone became my asylum
And I forgot myself for a while

The white-faced pebbles
Convinced me to tear the leash,
Return the key
And let the stillness get to me

~
Lie down; sense the stones beneath your clothes
Even when the sun's feeling fragile
I'm feeling alright
As I release my soul for a while
~

Pure whiteness surrounding
Uncountable witnesses of time
Wait for the call to court
The call to the arms dies down unheard
Witnesses crowd the world sublime

~
Lie down amongst them/Lie down; sense them against your clothes
The sun's feeling fragile, I'm alright
As worries turn a blind eye
Releasing my soul for a while
~

Yes, I see you waving in the sand
But much rather have the stones under my back
Besides the view is more beautiful from up here

White-washed I took my leave
White-washed I've been until
White-washed ‘til the daily tortures annul my lead

Now I'd steal another reason to revisit the sea

-once again a song with many parts I'm not sure about- the orange ones are the ones I think I could leave out as well(should I?) and the red one is an alternative for 'lie down amongst them', I'd prefer the first one but maybe the second would be better because of the "chorus", it fits the first chorus better...?
help! :(

see ya
bluenightangel :lol:]]> Sunday Songwriters Group straycat. https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/week-35-whiteness/#post-2724