week 40(1+2) "Prey of Public"&"Behind the - Sunday Songwriters Group

RE: week 40(1+2) "Prey of Public"&"Behind the

straycat. — Mon, 16 Aug 2004 12:07:50 +0000

hi bluenotefla:)

thanks for the mp3(couldn't listen to the song at amazon.com...so it's very nice you sent it to me), it's great :wink: I like it.

and thanks for the kind words, I'm glad you like my second attempt:)
I don't know whether I will ever record it or not...have nothing in mind for it yet...but if I do I'll telll you(hey I rhymed*smile*)
have you ever listened to something by His Infernal Majesty (a.k.a. HIM or in the USA sometimes HER because someone else had the name HIM)? HIM is one of my favourite bands, they're absolutely amazing.

greets
bluenightangel

RE: week 40(1+2) "Prey of Public"&"Behind the

bluenotefla — Mon, 16 Aug 2004 03:38:41 +0000

Wow are these powerful lines a lot of anger in these a lot of pain these make me think and I get images of these two people at odds with one another good work!!!!

“Are you as happy as I am, honey?”
Changed to
“F*cking get up, we’re already late!”

These too!!!!

There was no gold at the end of the rainbow
What a bitter discovery
Never tumbled as many times in a row
You went on about destiny,
Saying hearts mislead
I fear I have to disagree-
Isn’t destiny merely an excuse
For all we failed to achieve?

This is a good song I would like to hear this when or if you record it.
I will try and send you and mp3 of the Guy Clark song he is an exceptional writer Just found him by hearing one of his songs in the movie The Rookie, “Stuff That Works” He remids me a lot of John Prine Or Tom Waits.

RE: week 40(1+2) "Prey of Public"&"Behind the

straycat. — Tue, 10 Aug 2004 10:43:28 +0000

hello:)

bluenotefla, haven't heard anything from you for a loooong time:)
(remember "appletree lean down"?) good to have you back;)
I truly like this set of lines They tell the whole story and these are so powerful.
The wind carries voices
Through the keyhole of his door
They form crosses to separate it's relieving that you see it this way 'cause I was wondering if these lines would fit in at all and if they would mean anything to others :wink:

I think I'll listen to that guy clark song(if I can find it), thanks for the tip!
I like the first one much better then the second one
that I can understand, I thought the second was a bit weak, too:)
BUT I got a new one for that part of the task :D
here it is:

Record of our failures (<= this is a Bright Eyes quote :D )

You often spoke about the first time
You laid eyes on me
My hair dangling down entwined
You described in detail the effect
The shiny raindrops had on my face
As I was skipping blindly
Humming silently â€œIt's all tearsâ€
By His Infernal Majesty

Your voice was heavy with regret
Now you're sure you tiredly said
That song should have been a warning
The signs around us had been alarming
And still we fell in
And finally out of love

â€œAre you as happy as I am, honey?â€
Changed to
â€œF*cking get up, we're already late!â€

â€œAnyway, â€˜His Infernal Majesty', man
What sort of name is that?â€
Oh you got me raving then
Almost like you did back when
You asked me in the candlelight
To explain that song I sang in the rain
â€˜Cause English was something you had never learned
And didn't bother to

Always so damn self-confident
Proud of your knowledge non-existent
We were short-time companions
Walking this road together till the dead end
Well, I guess that song will
Accompany me much longer

There was no gold at the end of the rainbow
What a bitter discovery
Never tumbled as many times in a row
You went on about destiny,
Saying hearts mislead
I fear I have to disagree-
Isn't destiny merely an excuse
For all we failed to achieve?

I let nothing of it count
Don't need to hear (self-pity, I should have seen, give me one last kiss, it all turned out to be sh*t)
Anymore of this
Now that it's literally all tears

not yet quite sure about the order of the verses(and does it need a chorus?) because I had the part beginning with "are you as happy...", ending with "accompany me much longer" at the end first(felt like a good end) but it was kind of strange reading "don't wanna hear anymore of this" followed by more of it-the quotes and how it unnerved me... :?

-vic: Er....'scuse me, that's my life, can I have it back please....... sorry, mate:) see it the other way: now you're famous! or at least immortalized in a song :) :) (funny, I wrote this when I didn't even know you :D )

thank you both, you put a smile on my face:)
bye
bluenightangel

P.S.: here's an alternative chorus for song 2 "behind the theatre", don't know if it's any good...

Come meet us behind the theatre
The speakers scream Silverchair
â€œSuicidal dreamâ€ takes us anywhere
When everything else fails
This song carries us away

RE: week 40(1+2) "Prey of Public"&"Behind the

Vic Lewis VL — Tue, 10 Aug 2004 03:57:03 +0000

He never walks without a cigarette
To be concealed by the smoke
And he's married to a wife called whisky
Often spending weeks with her
Sobbing bits and pieces of a song .......

Er....'scuse me, that's my life, can I have it back please.......

:) :) :)

Good stuff, Anne - keep 'em coming.....

RE: week 40(1+2) "Prey of Public"&"Behind the

bluenotefla — Tue, 10 Aug 2004 02:10:16 +0000

This is a great set of lines I have know way too many folks that this is true for.

And he's married to a wife called whisky
Often spending weeks with her
Sobbing bits and pieces of a song

I truly like this set of lines They tell the whole story and these are so powerful.
The wind carries voices
Through the keyhole of his door
They form crosses to separate

And you know no matter what you'd do he's gonna die ahead of time

There's a Guy Clark song called Cold Dog Soup that I think you would like that this reminds me of.
I like the first one much better then the second one but the lines that struck me in the second one are

Suicidal dreams became our hymn
Like a national anthem
For the country of mayhem

As too any changes I can see nothing I would change

week 40(1+2) "Prey of Public"&"Behind the

straycat. — Mon, 09 Aug 2004 13:33:04 +0000

hey.

Jesus I'm glad David decided to post an assignment:) I've been eager to work on something new :D
so here we go, the first one is pretty old(was never quite satisfied with it but now I could revise it...). I wrote "behind the theatre" today, so it's not all cheating;)

week 40, 1

Prey of public

V1
He screamed out in terror
Seeking for someone to compose him
Seems it was only you who got it
The audience over poured with laughter
The applause rose to fill the room

V2
The curtain fell and his figure
Was enclosed by the people
Breasts dancing beside him
He yielded to the crowd

Prechorus
No, you just want to stay with him
Sharing all these simple daily actions
Exploring the well-disguised shades of his personality

What are you gonna find?

Chorus
And you know you will adore him
The way that you do at present
Maybe this psychosis
Would even increase

V3
Oh, but it's a deception of mind
He's a speck of clay on the world's eye
Crying for strangers every night
In some f*cked up tavern

V4
He never walks without a cigarette
To be concealed by the smoke
And he's married to a wife called whisky
Often spending weeks with her
Sobbing bits and pieces of a song

Chorus2
But you know you would adore him
The way that you do at present
Maybe this psychosis
Would even increase

V5
You'd approach on tiptoe
When he's fast asleep
To loosen his grip from the glass
And stroke his dusty curls
Then you'd cover his bent body using the ancient blanket
You've fixed so many times

Adore him the way you do at present

Ending
The wind carries voices
Through the keyhole of his door
They form crosses to separate

And you know no matter what you'd do he's gonna die ahead of time

=>bad thing: I guess it's really obvious who influenced me there

week 40, 2

Behind the theatre

â€žSuicidal dreamâ€œ became our hymn
Like a national anthem
For the country of mayhem

Come meet us behind the theatre
We'll listen to Silverchair
This song's gonna take us there
It's gonna take us away

Reunion at the concerts, yeah
Each song a ticket to somewhere better
Desperate souls alone together

Come meet us behind the theatre
We'll listen to the old records of Silverchair
And this song is definitely gonna take us there
When everything else fails
It's gonna take us away

We paint it all black to see what we'll get
But we're not longing for death
It's just an obsession we have

Just a sweet vision to bide our time,
A soothing grief
When love and death rhyme

Come meet us behind the theatre
We'll listen to Silverchair
And this song's gonna take us away

well, I'm awaiting your comments
best,
bluenightangel