https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/week-46-lines/ Guitar Noise Discussion Board en-US Thu, 04 Jun 2026 11:48:18 +0000 wpForo 60 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/week-46-lines/#post-70854 Tue, 28 Sep 2004 02:10:35 +0000
Nice work. On how to deal with all of the details for your other stuff, try writing it all down, for prosterity, and then take just bits of it, aspects of the experience and turn them into individual songs.

cheers
sozay]]> Sunday Songwriters Group sozay https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/week-46-lines/#post-70854 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/week-46-lines/#post-70788 Mon, 27 Sep 2004 19:45:30 +0000
You make a good point about not writing it if I wouldn't say it that way.
By the by, I noticed someone had blanked out my blankety blanks with blanks. haha My appologies if that goes against standards of this forum. I will be sure and blank them out myself if I use them in the future.

I haven't been writing long at all and I really do appreciate any complements/advice sent my way. The strange thing is that I feel like this is one of my better efforts and yet not something I ever really thought to write about. Just did it for the exercise. Now the stuff I really want to write about is very tough to complete. Seems I have so much detail and cant simplify it. Any hints on doing that?

Thanks again,

TheJackal.]]> Sunday Songwriters Group TheJackal https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/week-46-lines/#post-70788 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/week-46-lines/#post-70550 Sat, 25 Sep 2004 02:10:24 +0000
This line," Im thinking of a crime and hope my bank account it fills "....you could probably change to "I'm thinking of crimes and hoping my bank acount fills" without losing the meter, and it would read slightly less clumsily.....something Jamir said a few weeks ago. "If you wouldn't say it that way, don't write it that way"......but that's a very minor quibble!

I don't quite understand the last verse,

"Ironic five and dime you know sounds just like five to ten" .... and as I was typing it came to me !!!! 5-10 years, and the black and white is prison issue......ah yeah it all makes sense now!!!

May have to change it a little for the radio though........!!!!

:) :) :)

Vic.]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Vic Lewis VL https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/week-46-lines/#post-70550 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/week-46-lines/#post-3968 Fri, 24 Sep 2004 20:16:01 +0000
This is my first post to this forum and my third post on this web site over all. Just came up with this one in the last 10 minutes or so. It needs a chorus and at the moment I feel like it reads very much like a peom. I am not sure how to break that up.

Any suggestions are greatly appreciated.

TheJackal.

Lines

Sold my job down the line and im thinking bout those pills
Cause they help me to feel fine and forget about the bills
So now im standing in this line trying to forget about my ills
And collecting at the window cause I aint got any skills

I got a sign from a line or was it just those fucking pills
come and pray with us some time I think theyre aiming at weak wills
Still I did it and felt fine but it doesn't pay the bills
So im high all the time cause I aint got any skills

Im thinking of a crime and hope my bank account it fills
But my thoughts are clear as mud you know must be those fucking pills
I just need a couple more cause I really got the chills
I'll roll that five and dime and then Im headed for the hills

Ironic five and dime you know sounds just like five to ten
And here I stand in black and white in fucking line again
and there'll be no cheque awaiting me as I shuffle to the front
Just slop and greens and stale bread's the prize for this dumb c*nt]]> Sunday Songwriters Group TheJackal https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/week-46-lines/#post-3968