https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/week-8-elemental-song-by-chris/ Guitar Noise Discussion Board en-US Thu, 04 Jun 2026 22:07:33 +0000 wpForo 60 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/week-8-elemental-song-by-chris/#post-56110 Wed, 31 Dec 2003 05:22:06 +0000
"The soothing rain wakes the tired land, stirring memories long buried deep"
This is MUCH better phrased than how I wrote it down. I'm already very glad I joined this 'course'.

Thanks for pointing out the small mistake at the beginning of the last verse. I'll think about your suggestions and rewrite it.

Mucho gracias,
Chris.]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Christiaan https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/week-8-elemental-song-by-chris/#post-56110 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/week-8-elemental-song-by-chris/#post-56109 Wed, 31 Dec 2003 01:58:47 +0000
"We're seeking shelter in an old building
By the fire the child care-free sleeps"  If the child is sleeping, you must have already found shelter, so you can't be seeking it. You could say "Sheltered in a leaky old building, the fire's warm and the child sleeps"


"And the rain is softly rustling, the land is rebonding
My memories are all for keeps"  Maybe try "The soothing rain wakes the tired land, stirring memories long buried deep", which shows that the dry land was not dead, only sheltering life that was just resting, waiting to be awakened.

This is an excellent song, though it does lose a lot in translation.  I am going to work on it some more and see if I can translate more of what I interpret as your meaning, and not just the words.  Remember, if you don't like what I do with it, you can always ignore me.  Or if that isn't enough, you can swear at me, just do it in Dutch so it doesn't hurt my feelings, as I don't understand Dutch  ;).]]> Sunday Songwriters Group maxwell https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/week-8-elemental-song-by-chris/#post-56109 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/week-8-elemental-song-by-chris/#post-56108 Wed, 31 Dec 2003 00:10:36 +0000
Silly Putty, thanks for your words.
The song can be song like it is. It's on mp3.moosoft.net

You don't like the word 'rustling'? First I have to say English is not the language I daily speak, being Dutch, and I wanted a word which describes the sound rain makes when falling on leaves, pebbles, etc.
I looked it up in the dictionary and got 'rustling'.

Can you explain why you don't like it? Is it cliche or does it have a nasty connotation?

- Chris]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Christiaan https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/week-8-elemental-song-by-chris/#post-56108 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/week-8-elemental-song-by-chris/#post-56107 Sun, 28 Dec 2003 03:13:46 +0000 very nice! I especially like the first verse.
Also, I like the line: But the dust is always a good bite.

Some things that tripped me up:
I say "look out kid, don't fall, watch your step, it's very wild it seems a bit wordy. Maybe shorten it by removing "very" and one of the other clauses.
And the rain is softly rustling, Is rustling the best word to suit your purpose? (if yes, then by all means, leave it in.)

There are lots of spots here and there that look like they might be a little long, so I'd suggest singing it out loud and checking for rough spots (but then again, it's hard for me to know without knowing your melody).

Keep up the good work,
Hope the suggestions are of some help,

- silly putty
]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Anonymous https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/week-8-elemental-song-by-chris/#post-56107 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/week-8-elemental-song-by-chris/#post-56106 Sat, 27 Dec 2003 23:30:56 +0000 These are Dutch words which I forgot to remove!

Peace,
Chris.]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Christiaan https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/week-8-elemental-song-by-chris/#post-56106 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/week-8-elemental-song-by-chris/#post-1570 Sat, 27 Dec 2003 23:28:00 +0000
I'm writing songs for some time now, five years or something, and two days ago I just stumbled over this site by accident.
Hope I can finish every weekly assignment from now on!
Anyway, here's my "element song" - I hope to get it on a site very soon:

Water

My horse is a Buick 63
Which has seen better days
In the middle of the desert it runs out on me
You should have seen my face

A bottle of scotch in a hole in the ground
I wonder whence it came
I wish I had a girl because this drink I found
Don't really douse the flame

All that I have is the earth that I walk on (chorus)
The air that I breathe
And the fire that holds me warm
Sleep is my only luxury, Wash over me...

The cacti are growing on the street
the sun is shining bright
I'm running out of water and something to eat
But the dust is always a good bite

I'm standing on the slope... on the slope
Of a dried-up canyon bed
I'm low on faith and empty on hope
sometimes I think I'm better off ... dead

(chorus)

All of a sudden there's the voice of a child
"Could I have some water from you?"
I say "look out kid, don't fall, watch your step, it's very wild
"I have water, plenty for two."

We're seeking shelter in an old building
By the fire the child care-free sleeps
And the rain is softly rustling, the land is rebonding
My memories are all for keeps

All that I have is the earth that I walk on
The air that I breathe
And the fire that holds me warm
And of course this child aged five
that's keeping me alive

- Chris
]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Christiaan https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/week-8-elemental-song-by-chris/#post-1570