https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/wk-35-we-could-be/ Guitar Noise Discussion Board en-US Thu, 04 Jun 2026 18:58:43 +0000 wpForo 60 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/wk-35-we-could-be/#post-110084 Thu, 07 Jul 2005 18:59:25 +0000
wow that was great :D no awsome :D

when I read this lyric I thought the word FOR might sound better than FROM

The hearts of the strong are still starving
for all the lucky ones never gave

when you end this verse I thougbt you may want to add on

With no voice to scream
And no words to say
They have no eyes to see
And no hand to lead the way
But we could be the voice
We could be the words they need
Open a new world of life
To those with nothing left to believe
We could be.... The lucky ones

any way great song as is.....

mystic :D]]> Sunday Songwriters Group mysticmoonangel https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/wk-35-we-could-be/#post-110084 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/wk-35-we-could-be/#post-110069 Thu, 07 Jul 2005 16:43:59 +0000
Thanks again!]]> Sunday Songwriters Group +LostBeggining+ https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/wk-35-we-could-be/#post-110069 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/wk-35-we-could-be/#post-110055 Thu, 07 Jul 2005 09:28:23 +0000
First let me say I agree with everything that has already
been said. This is GREAT!!!!!!!

It could just be me but the use of "promises" and "newborn"
twice each in verse one puts me off a little.

Hope you don't mind if I try an edit.

Something like;

The dust blows through rings of golden light
Halo's of the good promises of men
So many years down the dusty line
From when those covenants were set
With the dying of the sun there comes
The death of a newborn's grace
The hearts of the strong are still starving
From all the lucky ones never gave

Just my thoughts


Celt]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Celt https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/wk-35-we-could-be/#post-110055 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/wk-35-we-could-be/#post-110010 Thu, 07 Jul 2005 02:13:35 +0000
Indeed we could be....

I like the imagery of this song. The futility of the sun rising and setting and how you align that to the birth and death of the "newborn" is really good. I also like the structure of your chorus where the last half gives hope or sets the challenge. The "We could be"'s work well. I think if the last "We could be" was sung with a different inflection in the voice, to me that would give it great power. Well done :D .

pb]]> Sunday Songwriters Group pbee https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/wk-35-we-could-be/#post-110010 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/wk-35-we-could-be/#post-110008 Thu, 07 Jul 2005 01:48:43 +0000
NeM,]]> Sunday Songwriters Group +LostBeggining+ https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/wk-35-we-could-be/#post-110008 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/wk-35-we-could-be/#post-110005 Thu, 07 Jul 2005 01:34:55 +0000
Especially like the way you repeat the title at the end...comes across as desperate pleading....no real stand-out lines, they're all good....

I'm impressed by the high quality of submissions this week...personally, I've scrapped three different efforts, working on a fourth which seems to be heading the same way....

Good job, LB!!!

:D :D :D

Vic]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Vic Lewis VL https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/wk-35-we-could-be/#post-110005 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/wk-35-we-could-be/#post-10078 Thu, 07 Jul 2005 00:29:06 +0000

We Could Be

The dust blows through rings of golden light
Halo's of the good promises of men
So many years down the dusty line
From when those promises were set
With the dying of the newborn sun
The death of a newborn's grace
The hearts of the strong are still starving
From all the lucky ones never gave

With no voice to scream
And no words to say
They have no eyes to see
And no hand to lead the way
But we could be the voice
We could be the words they need
Open a new world of life
To those with nothing left to believe
We could be....

And the ribbons of surrender wave tonight
Through the dusty air of pain
And the sun still never fails to die
At the end of each hopeless day
As the lives, they turn to seconds
When the broken pendulum swings
All it takes one less conveniance
In our perfect world of silent sin


With no voice to scream
And no words to say
They have no eyes to see
And no hand to lead the way
But we could be the voice
We could be the words they need
Open a new world of life
To those with nothing left to believe
We could be....

We could be.......]]> Sunday Songwriters Group +LostBeggining+ https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/wk-35-we-could-be/#post-10078