https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y10w24-tucson-to-phoenix/ Guitar Noise Discussion Board en-US Thu, 04 Jun 2026 23:56:29 +0000 wpForo 60 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y10w24-tucson-to-phoenix/#post-374373 Tue, 17 Apr 2012 06:52:16 +0000
Sounding good. I like the intro riff and chord progressions. You might try strumming on the chorus to add some variety.

Also, this line could be more powerful like this:

Some may not be alive tomorrow..........Some won't be alive tomorrow.


Thanks for sharing :D]]> Sunday Songwriters Group jamestoffee https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y10w24-tucson-to-phoenix/#post-374373 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y10w24-tucson-to-phoenix/#post-374353 Mon, 16 Apr 2012 17:31:51 +0000 Sunday Songwriters Group John Sargent https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y10w24-tucson-to-phoenix/#post-374353 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y10w24-tucson-to-phoenix/#post-374344 Mon, 16 Apr 2012 03:47:57 +0000
Here's the song:

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_songInfo.cfm?bandID=832466&songID=11576240]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Hobson https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y10w24-tucson-to-phoenix/#post-374344 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y10w24-tucson-to-phoenix/#post-374338 Sun, 15 Apr 2012 19:57:05 +0000 Sunday Songwriters Group Hobson https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y10w24-tucson-to-phoenix/#post-374338 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y10w24-tucson-to-phoenix/#post-374331 Sun, 15 Apr 2012 15:54:49 +0000 Sunday Songwriters Group John Sargent https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y10w24-tucson-to-phoenix/#post-374331 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y10w24-tucson-to-phoenix/#post-374310 Sat, 14 Apr 2012 19:17:19 +0000
But both songs have the problem of no hook. Consequently, only someone familiar with the area would be drawn into the songs. I know this is a problem. If you write about a place like New York, lots of people live there or have been there or feel like they know what it's like. If you write about a place that people don't know, you have to put in something extraordinary. I don't have that in "Tucson to Phoenix." If I ever figure out what that twist is going to be, there will be some rewriting and probably a new title. Could be more focus on the reason the person is making the drive or could be that he/she has made this drive dozens of times, knows what all of the hazards are, and this time one of the hazards gets him/her.]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Hobson https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y10w24-tucson-to-phoenix/#post-374310 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y10w24-tucson-to-phoenix/#post-374297 Sat, 14 Apr 2012 05:51:43 +0000
Good start. :D I could see how someone who knows the area could be nodding their head in agreement.

I can see why Andy likes it because of the similar writing style/outline with his song this week: the basic idea of traveling from point A to B with each verse as a vignette of the experience.

For me, I'm not really drawn in to the song for the same comments/suggestions I had for Andy. Maybe it's a personal preference thing on my part. :roll:

...so in the same way, I had a similar point of view in your lyrics SSG Y10W7 "Highway 90, What do You See?" where I suggested choosing 1 vignette and develop the idea.
http://forums.guitarnoise.com/viewtopic.php?f=23&t=52115&p=457672#p457672

Suggestions:
Consider reading about Pattison's concepts in Chapter 8 Travelogues verse continuity
http://books.google.co.th/books?id=3bNl5fihyH8C&pg=PA93&lpg=PA93&dq=travelogues+pat+pattison&source=bl&ots=LzVyRSkuJv&sig=lCyqRHhYcDbvmAcHyUbjVE9lm9s&hl=en&sa=X&ei=guCIT-WnNMjhrAeg-pmzCw&ved=0CB4Q6AEwAA#v=onepage&q&f=false

Thanks for sharing.

James]]> Sunday Songwriters Group jamestoffee https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y10w24-tucson-to-phoenix/#post-374297 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y10w24-tucson-to-phoenix/#post-374291 Sat, 14 Apr 2012 02:30:04 +0000 Sunday Songwriters Group andygetch https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y10w24-tucson-to-phoenix/#post-374291 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y10w24-tucson-to-phoenix/#post-42647 Fri, 13 Apr 2012 22:06:59 +0000
chorus:

From Tucson to Phoenix you can never be sure
If it will take two hours or four.
You get on I-10 and offer a prayer,
That at least you'll make it there.

verse:

Up ahead a van has swerved off the road.
The Border Patrol is checking its load.
A dozen people run between cholla and saguaro.
Some may not be alive tomorrow.

chorus

verse:

At Picacho Peak, a wall of dust, haboob.
You're thinking this could be your doom.
You hit the brakes and hope others do the same.
Two semi-trucks behind you, changing lanes.

chorus

verse:

Don't make this drive in the dead of night
When smugglers have each other in their sights.
Better stay home until the light of day
And do your best to stay out of their way.

verse:

Should've waited for winter to make this drive
The temperature is rising. You hope you survive.
The air conditioner's making noises
Or maybe you're just hearing voices.

chorus

verse:

The mouth of the beast is up ahead
Heading down its throat is what you dread.
Driving across the Salt River Valley,
Being absorbed in its monstrous belly.

chorus

verse:

Can't wait to eject from this place,
Hoping you make it back home safe.
Friends and family call you here.
But the best way to see it's in your rear-view mirror.]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Hobson https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y10w24-tucson-to-phoenix/#post-42647