https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y10w40-brian/ Guitar Noise Discussion Board en-US Thu, 04 Jun 2026 16:10:35 +0000 wpForo 60 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y10w40-brian/#post-377203 Sun, 12 Aug 2012 17:53:37 +0000
David, good suggestions on how to expand the chorus.

Mr. EWorm, I thought about the songs that include a person's name. Many of them repeat the name a lot, e.g "Angie." So I decided to do that too.

James, yes this could be the other side of the story for your song.]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Hobson https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y10w40-brian/#post-377203 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y10w40-brian/#post-377184 Sun, 12 Aug 2012 00:11:06 +0000 It's a good key for you but I'm still hoping to hear what your voice sounds like when you let go and get loud.]]> Sunday Songwriters Group John Sargent https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y10w40-brian/#post-377184 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y10w40-brian/#post-377174 Sat, 11 Aug 2012 15:25:00 +0000
There are a lot of great things going on here with some clever lines, nice melody and interesting chord progressions :mrgreen:

Looks like we might have written about the same couple (Brian and Angelina) this week from different "he says/she says" points of view :lol: :lol: :lol:

Thanks for sharing.

James]]> Sunday Songwriters Group jamestoffee https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y10w40-brian/#post-377174 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y10w40-brian/#post-377164 Sat, 11 Aug 2012 03:42:24 +0000
Catchy tune! And I'm glad you changed the key - this one seems comfortable for your vocal range.

There are a lot of great pairs of lines here, especially this one from the third verse:

I need more than an "I love you."
I need you to have a clue.

I keep thinking that should you decide to expand the chorus a bit, you might want to add these to it. Since you have four choruses, you could do the first two with the original two lines and then add these to the last two. The "I need you to have a clue" seems like a great tag line.

Looking forward to more.

Peace]]> Sunday Songwriters Group David Hodge https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y10w40-brian/#post-377164 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y10w40-brian/#post-377157 Sat, 11 Aug 2012 01:40:50 +0000 Sunday Songwriters Group andygetch https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y10w40-brian/#post-377157 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y10w40-brian/#post-43160 Sat, 11 Aug 2012 01:17:54 +0000
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_songInfo.cfm?bandID=832466&songID=11820775

chorus:

Brian, I don't know what I've stayed here for.
Brian, don't follow me out this door.

verse:

Brian, I hate to see things end this way,
But it's time for me to walk away.
They say that fools rush in
And you've gone where I haven't been.
Not sayin' I'm an angel.
I just don't live for danger.
Brian, I still love you,
But I hate what you put me through.

chorus

verse:

I won't be here for the next crisis
When you decide to take a risk.
Living on the fringe.
It makes me come unhinged.
I don't picture us growing old.
My life always on hold.
It's a deal you can't negotiate.
You can't buy my heart cut rate.

chorus

verse:

The last time you landed in court
With money and no means of support,
You think you're Heaven-sent.
The world is your playpen.
I need more than an "I love you."
I need you to have a clue.
You were never much for romance.
But, Brian, I gave you a chance

chorus]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Hobson https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y10w40-brian/#post-43160