https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y10w52-apocalypso/ Guitar Noise Discussion Board en-US Thu, 04 Jun 2026 18:59:48 +0000 wpForo 60 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y10w52-apocalypso/#post-379231 Sat, 03 Nov 2012 19:03:23 +0000 Your song and I like the title. I also like satirical songs of the Weird All type. made me think of this Weird Al Yankovic song "Christmas at Ground Zero"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t039p6xqutU

keep it up!]]> Sunday Songwriters Group andygetch https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y10w52-apocalypso/#post-379231 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y10w52-apocalypso/#post-379224 Sat, 03 Nov 2012 18:17:47 +0000
Super pointers, James. I will save out and digest...I was thinking of the quake and tsunami as one event (tidal wave triggered by quake) and it made it more, er, apocalyptic, but I hear you about how it diffuses focus.

Thanks David for the sharing idea. I will explore that for sure...as I continue to work on this to completion! :lol:

Edit: one suggestion is to write about a hurricane b/c they are officially given names which leads easier to personification.
James
I got thinking about this...what if I make it about the island of Krakatoa? Probably the most famous quake/volcano/tsunami of all time.
The island gets ascribed female qualities...'she' is beautiful,the narrator loves 'her', like people talk of their boats or cars...

ie:
Krack Krack Krack a toa, island paradise
Krack krack krack a toa, today she's not so nice

that gives it the personification and leaves me free to describe any disaster events by tying them all back to how they affect 'her'.

I don't think there's much calypso music in the Dutch East Indies, but what's a few thousand kilometres amongst friends. :)]]> Sunday Songwriters Group boxboy https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y10w52-apocalypso/#post-379224 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y10w52-apocalypso/#post-379218 Sat, 03 Nov 2012 16:23:18 +0000
But...

What a great idea and terrific title! You've got a wonderful start here. Maybe one idea, especially if you'r concerned about the seriousness of the matter, would be to make it a shared disaster with the narrator giving folks a helping hand:

Take take take, some water, here have some of mine

Just a thought.

Let me echo everyone else by saying "please work on this more." I think you've got a great start and I'm truly looking forward to more.

Peace]]> Sunday Songwriters Group David Hodge https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y10w52-apocalypso/#post-379218 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y10w52-apocalypso/#post-379213 Sat, 03 Nov 2012 13:11:12 +0000
One thing to note right off is Jump in the Line only talks about "Senora".....no other women are mentioned.....that's a key concept to keep the song focused on one idea.....when you have quake in verse 1 and tsunami in verse 2 you dilute the idea....stick with one and follow the "Jump in the Line" model.......

one suggestion is to write about a hurricane b/c they are officially given names which leads easier to personification.

So here's how I'd go about pulling out the gist of one song to use for another (similar to Mad Libs):
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mad_Libs

Here Senora = the natural disaster

Shake, shake, shake, Senora, shake your body line Verb + verb and body part
Shake, shake, shake, Senora, shake it all the time Verb + verb and time reference
Work, work, work, Senora, work your body line Repeat line 1
Work, work, work, Senora, work it all the time Repeat line 2

My girl's name is Senora IDENTIFY THE DISASTER
I tell you friends, I adore her WHAT FEELING DOES IT INSPIRE?
And when she dances, oh brother! WHAT DOES IT DO? SLANG EXPRESSION TO IDENTIFY EMOTION
She's a hurricane in all kinds of weather SIMILE OF THE NATURAL DISASTER TO SOMETHING ELSE THAT DESTROYS (ie Mike Tyson)

(Jump in de line, rock your body in time) OK, I believe you! 2 COMMAND PHRASES TO THE LISTENER- RESPONSE OF THE SINGER WATCHING THE LISTENER OBEY
(Jump in de line, rock your body in time) OK, I believe you! REPEAT LINE 1
(Jump in de line, rock your body in time) OK, I believe you! REPEAT LINE 1
(Jump in de line, rock your body in time) Whoa! REPEAT LINE 1 & EXPLETIVE

Shake, shake, shake, Senora, shake your body line REPEAT PREVIOUS SECTION
Shake, shake, shake, Senora, shake it all the time
Work, work, work, Senora, work your body line
Work, work, work, Senora, work it all the time

You can talk about Cha Cha MENTION OTHER MOVEMENT LIKE AN EARTHQUAKE- ie a truck on the road, loud speakers, baby crying, etch
Tango, Waltz, or de Rumba
Senora's dance has no title
You jump in the saddle A PHYSICAL METAPHOR REFERENCE TO WHAT IT FEELS LIKE IN THE THE DISASTER
Hold on to de bridle! A 2ND PHYSICAL METAPHOR REFERENCE TO THE SAME METAPHOR

...............OK, YOU GET THE IDEA, I'LL LEAVE IT TO YOU IF YOU WANT TO TRY THIS METHOD TO FINISH OFF THE SONG......if it's not making sense or seems too much trouble, no worries :wink:

Kudos for posting and getting something started! :D

James]]> Sunday Songwriters Group jamestoffee https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y10w52-apocalypso/#post-379213 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y10w52-apocalypso/#post-379205 Sat, 03 Nov 2012 03:46:05 +0000
Might I suggest....keep the same rhythm, play with words, try to stick to the same theme, use Google (or the search engine of your choice) for further inspiration?

I'd love to hear this one finished off and recorded!

:-) :-) :-)

Vic]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Vic Lewis VL https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y10w52-apocalypso/#post-379205 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y10w52-apocalypso/#post-379203 Sat, 03 Nov 2012 03:07:00 +0000 Sunday Songwriters Group John Sargent https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y10w52-apocalypso/#post-379203 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y10w52-apocalypso/#post-43478 Fri, 02 Nov 2012 21:13:42 +0000
But I came up with a goofy title I liked and roughed in a first verse, to the tune of Harry Belafonte's Jump in the Line:

Quake, quake, quake, carumba!, quake on the fault line,
Make make make, for cover, running out of time
Sue sue sue ,Tsunami, vertical incline
Take take take, some water, lemon or a lime

Any and all feedback welcome. Maybe swap lines 2 and 4?

Caveat: I do not think natural disasters are funny. Just goofing around.

The great Mr. Belafonte: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wpNk860pTO4]]> Sunday Songwriters Group boxboy https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y10w52-apocalypso/#post-43478