https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y11w11-you-keep-coming-back/ Guitar Noise Discussion Board en-US Fri, 05 Jun 2026 09:24:29 +0000 wpForo 60 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y11w11-you-keep-coming-back/#post-380655 Fri, 25 Jan 2013 02:28:34 +0000
....try getting to the heart of the story. What's the core emotion? Fear of the singee, frustration with her lack of self-control, low self-esteem, embarrassment of her relationship, moral insight to live as a law abiding citizen? Loving the singee but wanting to change him, feeling neglected, feeling used?

Focus in on one aspect of the relationship.]]> Sunday Songwriters Group jamestoffee https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y11w11-you-keep-coming-back/#post-380655 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y11w11-you-keep-coming-back/#post-380653 Thu, 24 Jan 2013 20:18:16 +0000
I see what you're saying about the lyrics. The events are not unbelievable, just not fully explained. Explaining them would make for a much longer song. I will probably add a verse about the singer not knowing much about the guy until they had been seeing each other a while, then being a little afraid and trying to figure out how to get out of the relationship. And something about wishing he would take all of his stuff and quit coming around. The drugs are at her place because it's a better hiding place than his place.

This is based on a true story, but that doesn't mean the woman's behavior is rational.]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Hobson https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y11w11-you-keep-coming-back/#post-380653 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y11w11-you-keep-coming-back/#post-380645 Thu, 24 Jan 2013 14:41:44 +0000
I still like the chord progression.

I think I preferred you lower voice version. Regarding the lyrics, they are becoming more stream lined, but the major ideas seem unbelievable......Why wouldn't the guy come every day if his drugs are at her place? Why are the drugs at her place? Why would she be self-conscious about what her friends think if she is seeing a drug dealer?

I don't know how easy or difficult it would be for you to straighten out the logic or motivation....it's a bit like shifting the foundation and then having to rebuild the lines and rhyme schemes on the new ideas.

James]]> Sunday Songwriters Group jamestoffee https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y11w11-you-keep-coming-back/#post-380645 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y11w11-you-keep-coming-back/#post-380625 Wed, 23 Jan 2013 02:40:55 +0000
I'm retired. It's all supposed to be free time, but somehow it doesn't work out that way. I've started some lyrics for Week 12 and have a vague idea of what I want it to sound like. I'm hoping to stay current. The more I write, the more likely that I'll come up with a few songs that are decent.]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Hobson https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y11w11-you-keep-coming-back/#post-380625 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y11w11-you-keep-coming-back/#post-380623 Tue, 22 Jan 2013 23:57:31 +0000
Really like this latest take. Love the diminished chord in the first line of the verses and the third verse is absolutely great! Nice job.

Looking forward, as always, to more. Whenever your schedule gives you the time. Be sure, though, to take free time for yourself, too.

Peace]]> Sunday Songwriters Group David Hodge https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y11w11-you-keep-coming-back/#post-380623 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y11w11-you-keep-coming-back/#post-380621 Tue, 22 Jan 2013 21:30:33 +0000
I can't brag to my friends about drug money
From your stash in my closet.
Have you come to see me
Or to stock up on your product?

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_songInfo.cfm?bandID=832466&songID=12119149

Thanks for all the feedback and suggestions.]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Hobson https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y11w11-you-keep-coming-back/#post-380621 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y11w11-you-keep-coming-back/#post-380606 Mon, 21 Jan 2013 18:23:48 +0000 A favorite quote is "If you want to hear God laugh, tell Him/Her your plans".]]> Sunday Songwriters Group John Sargent https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y11w11-you-keep-coming-back/#post-380606 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y11w11-you-keep-coming-back/#post-380605 Mon, 21 Jan 2013 18:20:33 +0000
Now I'm thinking that maybe it should all be in past tense. But that would mean a lot of re-writing and getting the rhymes to fit. Or maybe just changing the one verse would work. I'll revisit this later. Today is filled with activities with and for my chorus, singing and playing guitar and making up some chord sheets.]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Hobson https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y11w11-you-keep-coming-back/#post-380605 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y11w11-you-keep-coming-back/#post-380598 Mon, 21 Jan 2013 10:43:09 +0000
Sounding good :D I like the second chord and the tension introduced early. I also like the chorus.

Consider making this past tense so as not to confuse the time frame:

You don't care
About my family or books I've read.
The only things we share
Are fast food and our beds

Maybe:

You never careD
About my family or books I read.
The only things we shareD
WEre fast food and A bed


He has a visible means of support.....money and drugs...........maybe no legal

No visible means of support, just the money
From your stash at my apartment.


I need to see you less
Maybe
I need to NEED you less


..........maybe something about the singer seeing the lifestyle as a dead end and wanting a better life.........

BTW you might want to set the link to go directly to the song. It might not seem like it now, but as you keep going, after time the links are no longer on the first page on Soundclick and listeners have to hunt around for the song. :wink:]]> Sunday Songwriters Group jamestoffee https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y11w11-you-keep-coming-back/#post-380598 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y11w11-you-keep-coming-back/#post-380580 Mon, 21 Jan 2013 02:53:41 +0000
Next time I record this, I'll probably sing it an octave higher. It's way down in the sub-basement for me, so the words aren't as clear as they should be.

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_songInfo.cfm?bandID=832466&songID=12119149

verse:

Each day I come home from the office
And there you are,
Jittery and anxious,
Waiting in your car.

chorus:

You keep coming back.
You keep coming back.
Though you know how I'll react
You keep coming back.

verse:

You don't care
About my family or books I've read.
The only things we share
Are fast food and our beds.

chorus

verse:

No visible means of support, just the money
From your stash at my apartment.
Have you come to see me
Or to stock up on your product?

chorus:

verse:

I need to see you less
And I want more.
My life has been a mess
Since I let you in my door.

chorus]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Hobson https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y11w11-you-keep-coming-back/#post-380580