https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y12w14-dancing-with-ghosts-2/ Guitar Noise Discussion Board en-US Thu, 04 Jun 2026 11:53:25 +0000 wpForo 60 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y12w14-dancing-with-ghosts-2/#post-384398 Sun, 09 Feb 2014 01:08:45 +0000
Looking forward to more.

Peace]]> Sunday Songwriters Group David Hodge https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y12w14-dancing-with-ghosts-2/#post-384398 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y12w14-dancing-with-ghosts-2/#post-384365 Wed, 05 Feb 2014 01:24:33 +0000 Sunday Songwriters Group Hobson https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y12w14-dancing-with-ghosts-2/#post-384365 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y12w14-dancing-with-ghosts-2/#post-384363 Tue, 04 Feb 2014 23:31:57 +0000 that does it nicely

Paul]]> Sunday Songwriters Group pbee https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y12w14-dancing-with-ghosts-2/#post-384363 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y12w14-dancing-with-ghosts-2/#post-384362 Tue, 04 Feb 2014 23:29:56 +0000
Crisis
Chaos
Anarchy
Swept over Italy

Valiant Man
Fair Lady
Young Child
None stand against calamity

They die by the hundreds
Both day and night
They are thrown in the ditches
A terrible sight
All are sure it is the end
As faces fade beneath the sand
The last of humanity dies
As children are buried by their father's hand

Valiant Man
Fair Lady
Young Child
No one can be saved

Doctors
Clergyman
Astrologers
No one can stop the plague

They die by the hundreds
Both day and night
They are thrown in the ditches
A terrible sight
All are sure it is the end
As faces fade beneath the sand
The last of humanity dies
As children are buried by their father's hand

Dancing With Ghosts
Dancing With Ghosts
Death in the land
Against an enemy few can withstand

Dancing With Ghosts
Dancing With Ghosts
Dancing on sand
Until I join them in the promise land


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P.S. I'm hoping to return the favour and provide feedback to everyone else's songs tonight.]]> Sunday Songwriters Group GrungeSunset https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y12w14-dancing-with-ghosts-2/#post-384362 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y12w14-dancing-with-ghosts-2/#post-384358 Tue, 04 Feb 2014 22:50:54 +0000 Something like this: Dancing With Ghosts
Dancing With Ghosts
Death in the land
til they call me I'll be shoveling sand would be good. This gives me insight into how you feel about the tragedy.

cheers
Paul]]> Sunday Songwriters Group pbee https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y12w14-dancing-with-ghosts-2/#post-384358 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y12w14-dancing-with-ghosts-2/#post-384353 Tue, 04 Feb 2014 20:08:19 +0000
How about instead of "It didn't seem right" use "A terrible/gruesome/horrendous sight"

Instead of "All believed it was the end" use something like "All were sure it was the end" or "All were convinced it was the end."

The line "Fall with explanations so vague" seems weak. There aren't a lot of words that rhyme with "plague," so think about using a near rhyme such as "made" or "saved."

I don't know the story so I don't know who the "my" refers to in this line: "My children were buried by my hand." Maybe it's just an anonymous ordinary person. It doesn't seem to fit with the rest of the song, which is told in a detached third person narrative.

You go back and forth between present and past tense. This might be a problem with tenses in the writing or it's the whole point - moving back and forth in time.

Do you have any music or type of music in mind? It will be interesting to see how you handle those short lines.]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Hobson https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y12w14-dancing-with-ghosts-2/#post-384353 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y12w14-dancing-with-ghosts-2/#post-384351 Tue, 04 Feb 2014 13:37:53 +0000
You have a lot of powerful lines.

"It didn't seem right" seems a bit light for the intensity of the other lines.

Maybe a chorus could go along these lines

Dancing With Ghosts
Dancing With Ghosts
Dancing on sand
Until I join them in the promise land

or

Dancing With Ghosts
Dancing With Ghosts
Death in the land
til they call me I'll be shoveling sand

Thanks for sharing.

James]]> Sunday Songwriters Group jamestoffee https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y12w14-dancing-with-ghosts-2/#post-384351 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y12w14-dancing-with-ghosts-2/#post-45039 Tue, 04 Feb 2014 02:01:56 +0000
Special thanks to "The Plague in Siena: An Italian Chronicle" for inspiration for the song.

Crisis
Chaos
Anarchy
Sweeping over Italy

Valiant Man
Fair Lady
Young Child
None stand against calamity

They died by the hundreds
Both day and night
They were thrown in the ditches
It didn't seem right
All believed it was the end
As faces faded beneath the sand
The last of humanity faded
My children were buried by my hand

Valiant Man
Fair Lady
Young Child
Fall with explanations so vague

Doctors
Clergyman
Astrologers
No one can stop the plague

They died by the hundreds
Both day and night
They were thrown in the ditches
It didn't seem right
All believed it was the end
As faces faded beneath the sand
The last of humanity faded
My children were buried by my hand]]> Sunday Songwriters Group GrungeSunset https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y12w14-dancing-with-ghosts-2/#post-45039