https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y12w22/ Guitar Noise Discussion Board en-US Thu, 04 Jun 2026 19:22:49 +0000 wpForo 60 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y12w22/#post-384799 Mon, 07 Apr 2014 20:41:46 +0000 Sunday Songwriters Group John Sargent https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y12w22/#post-384799 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y12w22/#post-384796 Mon, 07 Apr 2014 07:45:59 +0000
Kudos for getting something down.
It looks like the lines are still fishing around for a story. Getting a clear story in your own mind will help sort through the choices.

Also, nouns (ie people) are hard to write about.

Think in terms of verbs (action).....yes, have the character....great name BTW :wink: but have the focus on what he is doing/not doing/being done to him etc...

Thanks for sharing.

James]]> Sunday Songwriters Group jamestoffee https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y12w22/#post-384796 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y12w22/#post-45225 Mon, 07 Apr 2014 05:02:28 +0000
Precarious Darius

His parents were from the big city
He grew up in a small town
He always got a lot of pity
He imagined himself wearing a crown

When he spoke he stuttered
He limped when he walked
He drank from the gutter
His face was dirty and pocked


C:Precarious Darius was a lonely man
He never knew what to do
He wandered everywhere without a plan
He often went without food


His jeans were the same everyday
They were covered in dirt
He’d lie in the suns rays
The warmth easing his hurt



C:


People always thought he’d collapse
He’d get tired of his aimless ways
He never followed a map
And he wandered for all his days.]]> Sunday Songwriters Group wilcoman https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y12w22/#post-45225