https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y12w35-wedding-veil-betrayal/ Guitar Noise Discussion Board en-US Thu, 04 Jun 2026 20:03:50 +0000 wpForo 60 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y12w35-wedding-veil-betrayal/#post-385121 Sat, 05 Jul 2014 03:58:52 +0000 Sunday Songwriters Group jamestoffee https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y12w35-wedding-veil-betrayal/#post-385121 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y12w35-wedding-veil-betrayal/#post-385119 Fri, 04 Jul 2014 20:11:39 +0000 Sunday Songwriters Group Hobson https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y12w35-wedding-veil-betrayal/#post-385119 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y12w35-wedding-veil-betrayal/#post-385118 Fri, 04 Jul 2014 16:22:31 +0000 It's a good start and a good story. But it feels like there's not a real conclusion. Yes, I meant it to be more about the moment-the betrayal.

Maybe I'm not approaching this right, or maybe I need to get better. Last week and this week I was using the song as an interest starter or catalyst to raise the listener's interest and then they would be interested enough to want to know more.

Yes, we know that Jacob had to work another 7 years. Did he do that? Did he get to marry the woman he wanted? What happened to the older sister when the 7 years were over? It's a very interesting story how Jacob, these two sisters and their maid servants produce the 12 sons that become the nation of Israel....but again, that would all be too much to fit into one song, so it's to be a interest generator for the questions you bring up in the listener's mind.
This song is in a ballad style, which generally follows the story to its conclusion. I read recently how Bob Dylan liked the idea of a song being beyond the limits of time in that the songs would be on a type of loop where the end of the song is the beginning of the song....I'm not looping this song but trying to find a stopping point where the focus is on the betrayal itself....this is one event in a story of cause/effects in a historical time line
This song is in a ballad style, which generally follows the story to its conclusion. Also, what's the moral of the story? (Not that we need one.) Is it to follow society's rules, to not trust people, to make sure you know what you're getting, to be patient and you'll eventually get what you want? This is where I think it would be good for the listener to draw their own conclusions. They are facts recorded and the outcome of those facts recorded and can be traced to modern problems in the middle east.

I'll probably leave this as is for now as I am experimenting with different aspects of songwriting, but I do appreciate your critiques as to what is or is not hitting the mark for you (and potentially other listeners).

Thanks for the listen and post :D


James]]> Sunday Songwriters Group jamestoffee https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y12w35-wedding-veil-betrayal/#post-385118 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y12w35-wedding-veil-betrayal/#post-385113 Fri, 04 Jul 2014 00:49:05 +0000 Sunday Songwriters Group John Sargent https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y12w35-wedding-veil-betrayal/#post-385113 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y12w35-wedding-veil-betrayal/#post-385112 Thu, 03 Jul 2014 23:07:04 +0000 Sunday Songwriters Group Hobson https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y12w35-wedding-veil-betrayal/#post-385112 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y12w35-wedding-veil-betrayal/#post-385106 Wed, 02 Jul 2014 17:54:05 +0000 Sunday Songwriters Group jamestoffee https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y12w35-wedding-veil-betrayal/#post-385106 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y12w35-wedding-veil-betrayal/#post-385105 Wed, 02 Jul 2014 16:41:00 +0000 Nice walk down progression on the guitar but it goes on a long time. The thing feels, musically, like it needs a bridge. Yes, something isn't sitting quite right and I haven't figured out a good way to fix it. I'll play around with your suggestions.

Thanks for the listen and post :D

James]]> Sunday Songwriters Group jamestoffee https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y12w35-wedding-veil-betrayal/#post-385105 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y12w35-wedding-veil-betrayal/#post-385104 Wed, 02 Jul 2014 16:28:56 +0000 Nice walk down progression on the guitar but it goes on a long time. The thing feels, musically, like it needs a bridge.]]> Sunday Songwriters Group John Sargent https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y12w35-wedding-veil-betrayal/#post-385104 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y12w35-wedding-veil-betrayal/#post-45383 Sun, 29 Jun 2014 18:57:10 +0000
Based on Genesis 29
https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Genesis+29&version=ESV#fen-ESV-813a

http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=12841718

=====Revised Version=====

Jacob whispered you’ll be my bride
Gave Rachel’s father seven years of his life

The seven years flew by days
Now the wedding ceremony underway

He made love to his nightingale
She was still in her wedding veil

Daylight came when he went to kiss her
But he had slept with Rachel’s sister

Oh what lies behind this wedding veil betrayal
Oh what lies

The father explained as Jacob cursed
The oldest daughter always marries first

If Jacob still wanted Rachel for his wife
He could give another seven years of his life

Oh what lies behind this wedding veil betrayal 2X
Oh what lies



=====Original Version=====
In Bible times long ago
Love at first sight took control
Jacob said she’ll be my bride
Gave Rachel’s father seven years of his life

The seven years flew by days
Now the wedding ceremony underway
He made love to his nightingale
She was still in her wedding veil

Daylight came when he went to kiss her
But he had slept with Rachel’s sister

Oh what lies behind this wedding veil betrayal 2X

The father explained as Jacob cursed
The oldest daughter always marries first
If Jacob still wanted Rachel for his wife
He could give another seven years of his life

Oh what lies behind this wedding veil betrayal 2X]]> Sunday Songwriters Group jamestoffee https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y12w35-wedding-veil-betrayal/#post-45383