https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y12w41-paradise-motel/ Guitar Noise Discussion Board en-US Fri, 05 Jun 2026 02:23:14 +0000 wpForo 60 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y12w41-paradise-motel/#post-385252 Sun, 17 Aug 2014 09:54:56 +0000 Sunday Songwriters Group jamestoffee https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y12w41-paradise-motel/#post-385252 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y12w41-paradise-motel/#post-385251 Sun, 17 Aug 2014 03:28:42 +0000 I thought it might be just a touch too long though, maybe you could condense the last verse and last chorus somehow, maybe make it more of a bridge. I felt that too. Thanks for the confirmation.

James]]> Sunday Songwriters Group jamestoffee https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y12w41-paradise-motel/#post-385251 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y12w41-paradise-motel/#post-385250 Sun, 17 Aug 2014 03:26:39 +0000
I think Johns suggestion and the way you phrased it was brilliant, for me the that's the standout of this song. I thought it might be just a touch too long though, maybe you could condense the last verse and last chorus somehow, maybe make it more of a bridge.

cheers
Paul]]> Sunday Songwriters Group pbee https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y12w41-paradise-motel/#post-385250 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y12w41-paradise-motel/#post-385233 Tue, 12 Aug 2014 04:14:18 +0000
Thanks for the listen and suggestion......

***POOF*** :mrgreen: change made to..."And I am here illegally"

-James]]> Sunday Songwriters Group jamestoffee https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y12w41-paradise-motel/#post-385233 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y12w41-paradise-motel/#post-385230 Mon, 11 Aug 2014 16:07:59 +0000 I like the plot and the guitar work. I still gave it 5 stars.]]> Sunday Songwriters Group John Sargent https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y12w41-paradise-motel/#post-385230 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y12w41-paradise-motel/#post-45452 Sun, 10 Aug 2014 17:51:52 +0000
http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=12882253

=====Revised Version 3=====

The neon lights of the motel fade Madonna’s billboard sign
The manager’s spitting sunflower shells here in Paradise
Here in Paradise

A Smith & Wesson’s on third shelf; she’d reach it if she tried
He’s passed out in the stairwell; she rubs ice on her black eye

And me, I’m the skirt who cleans the sheets
And I am here illegally
Here in Paradise

A shot rings out from the stairwell; call it courage or revenge
Either way she pleads it; he’s not touching her again
I hide myself in the shadows, but the curtain’s much too thin
I don’t want to be a witness when the questioning begins

‘Cause I’m just the hand that folds the sheets
Here in Paradise

The flashing lights and sirens; pull in at 3 AM
We find each other hiding in an alley garbage bin
Both of us are smiling; like we somehow became friends
But I never see her again
Goodbye, farewell
Goodbye, farewell
Goodbye, farewell
Paradise Motel


=====Revised Version 2=====

The neon lights of the motel fade Madonna’s billboard sign
The manager’s spitting sunflower shells here in Paradise
Here in Paradise
Here in Paradise

A Smith & Wesson’s on third shelf; she’d reach it if she tried
He’s passed out in the stairwell; she rubs ice on her black eye

And me, I’m the skirt who cleans the sheets
And I am here illegally
Here in Paradise
Here in Paradise
Here in Paradise

A shot rings out from the stairwell; call it courage or revenge
Either way she pleads it; he’s not touching her again
I hide myself in the shadows, but the curtain’s much too thin
I don’t want to be a witness when the questioning begins

‘Cause I’m just the hand that folds the sheets
And I am here illegally
Here in Paradise
Here in Paradise
Here in Paradise

The flashing lights and sirens; pull in at 3 AM
We find each other hiding in an alley garbage bin
Both of us are smiling; like we somehow became friends
But I never see her again
Goodbye, farewell
Goodbye, farewell
Goodbye, farewell
Paradise Motel




=====Revised Version 1=====

The neon lights of the motel fade Madonna’s billboard sign
The manager’s spitting sunflower shells here in Paradise
Here in Paradise
Here in Paradise

A Smith & Wesson’s on third shelf; she’d reach it if she tried
He’s passed out in the stairwell; she rubs ice on her black eye

And me, I’m the skirt who cleans the sheets
And I am here illegally
Here in Paradise
Here in Paradise
Here in Paradise

The flashing lights and sirens; pull in at 3 AM
We find each other hiding in an alley garbage bin
Both of us are smiling; like we somehow became friends
But I never see her again
Goodbye, farewell
Goodbye, farewell
Goodbye, farewell
Paradise Motel
 


=====Original Version=====
The neon sign of the motel is buzzing through the night
The manager offers no help; for this is Paradise
This is Paradise
This is Paradise

There’s a gun on top shelf; she’d reach it if she tried
He’s passed out in the stairwell; she rubs ice on her black eye

And me, I’m the one who cleans the sheets
I’m here, but here illegally
Here in Paradise
Here in Paradise
Here in Paradise

The flashing lights and sirens; pull in at 3 AM
We find each other hiding in an alley garbage bin
Both of us are smiling; like we somehow became friends
But I never see her again
Goodbye, farewell
Goodbye, farewell
Goodbye, farewell
Paradise Motel]]> Sunday Songwriters Group jamestoffee https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y12w41-paradise-motel/#post-45452