https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y3week45-relapse-at-daybreak/ Guitar Noise Discussion Board en-US Fri, 05 Jun 2026 09:24:04 +0000 wpForo 60 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y3week45-relapse-at-daybreak/#post-125527 Fri, 16 Sep 2005 16:31:26 +0000 Sunday Songwriters Group SlowPlay https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y3week45-relapse-at-daybreak/#post-125527 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y3week45-relapse-at-daybreak/#post-125482 Fri, 16 Sep 2005 10:17:10 +0000
Don't you remember "Cold Bird Nose" from 4 or 5 weeks ago?

I'm at that age where my short term memory is appalling, and I'd be hard pressed to quote lines from the songs I wrote myself in the last couple of weeks. But the phrase "cold bird nose" lodged and stuck. Odd thing the brain. Well, mine is anyway.....]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Chris C https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y3week45-relapse-at-daybreak/#post-125482 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y3week45-relapse-at-daybreak/#post-125464 Fri, 16 Sep 2005 06:57:37 +0000
I love the openning imagery... walking in the woods on nearly overgrown paths... that's my "happy place" where I go to write happy lyrics.
Still your hands are shaking too much
To draw an even line As we used to say back in the 80's... wicked! I love simple pictures that say so much.

It is the cause for you staying around with wet clothes and a cold nose
Because you might just see a rainbow before the pouring stops I promise that I finished writing my song before I read yours, so sorry for stealing the line about wet clothes.

I'm not so sold on the "cold nose" part. That's just a taste thing.

You were concerned about using common themes, and you've done a very nice job avoiding them, except for this rainbow part here. I don't have any brilliant suggestions, but I think if you're looking to rewrite, I'd start there.
You repeatedly relapse as the sun rises. I like this too, though you could probably get away without the word "repeatedly", unless its a matter of timing.]]> Sunday Songwriters Group SlowPlay https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y3week45-relapse-at-daybreak/#post-125464 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y3week45-relapse-at-daybreak/#post-125423 Fri, 16 Sep 2005 03:40:47 +0000
chris c said...Great to see you still posting despite your doubts about whether you nailed it or not this time. If I understood the FAQ right, one of the original ideas of SSG was to toughen ourselves up through the discipline of writing different topic to a deadline.

and i said about 12 months ago, "you have a gift for writing beautiful lyrics"

we can't all be wrong, can we?

NOOOOO!!!!

:D :D :D

Vic]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Vic Lewis VL https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y3week45-relapse-at-daybreak/#post-125423 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y3week45-relapse-at-daybreak/#post-125260 Thu, 15 Sep 2005 17:43:00 +0000
Geoo]]> Sunday Songwriters Group geoo https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y3week45-relapse-at-daybreak/#post-125260 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y3week45-relapse-at-daybreak/#post-125258 Thu, 15 Sep 2005 17:32:40 +0000 Before it fully disappears below the wildest plants Is it not related to the path in the previous line? :?
or do you mean it doesn't fit well? :?

I hit the reply button thinking i could help but now i'm confused! :roll:

Welcome to my world , i drove to work last night and when I got there I realised it was my day off lol I drove to work an hour early once because the clocks went back and i forgot! but i'm only 21 so i hope its not my age or i'll have lost it by the time i'm 25 lol.



I like the song and what its trying to say, really cool, i have trouble following songs like this tho, can't quite think how its meant to go unless there is a mp3 or something. I think thats in my own mind tho :oops: ! Unless there is a obvious structure and/or ryme i find it hard to tell what it would sound like but i'm sure thats just me coz i'm new to all this!

J.]]> Sunday Songwriters Group jimbob https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y3week45-relapse-at-daybreak/#post-125258 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y3week45-relapse-at-daybreak/#post-125209 Thu, 15 Sep 2005 13:16:01 +0000
this line :

Before it fully disappears below the wildest plants

???? I don't understand sorry plans ? typo ?

I know you talk about planting seeds and I do understand that but there is something about that line that (like Vic would say grates :wink: )


bluenightangel wrote:
hello.... forgive me, I'm so exhausted and everything is overtaxing me, I keep forgetting things and keep screwing up others.

:oops: Welcome to my world , i drove to work last night and when I got there I realised it was my day off :lol:

cheers
L.K :arrow:]]> Sunday Songwriters Group lotto king https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y3week45-relapse-at-daybreak/#post-125209 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y3week45-relapse-at-daybreak/#post-125141 Thu, 15 Sep 2005 04:20:30 +0000
Great to see you still posting despite your doubts about whether you nailed it or not this time. If I understood the FAQ right, one of the original ideas of SSG was to toughen ourselves up through the discipline of writing different topic to a deadline.

What sorts out the wannabes from the successes is usually that kind of toughness. I remember reading a description somewhere about being a creative artist. I can't remember which field, but it applies to all. A successful person was asked how one went about taking that career path.

The answer basically said "Look it's a brutally tough path to choose. Most don't make it. If you think it might be interesting - forget it. If you think that maybe you could be OK with some instruction - forget it. All good artists do what they do, and get where they are, because they simply cannot bear the thought of not doing it. Anything less is not enough."

I've seen you take a really hard hit direct to the chin here and come straight back the next week with a strong song. Others get one wee suggestion and fall in a heap. Clearly you have the toughness to keep at it, and the toughness to take criticism. (And the talent there will come in handy too... )

Oh, I liked the song too. :wink: It didn't all work immediately for me, but some of the lines went straight to the spot.

E.g.

"It is the cause for you staying around with wet clothes and a cold nose
Because you might just see a rainbow before the pouring stops"

Done that a lot! And often the wetter you are the better the rainbow if it comes.
ended up writing about naivity and wanting to see/believing in the good in people Good theme. The only piece of advice I remember from school was the headmaster once saying "Try to be childlike without being childish". Ever since, I've tried to keep some of that naivety, some of that sense of wonder, some of that openness and to keep the cynicism under control.

Hope the exhaustion goes away.]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Chris C https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y3week45-relapse-at-daybreak/#post-125141 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y3week45-relapse-at-daybreak/#post-11691 Wed, 14 Sep 2005 20:24:23 +0000 I don't really know if the following is any good(it was quite difficult to avoid the usual topics coz the phrase lends itself to a lot of well-known images... I dunno if I managed to stay away from them... ended up writing about naivity and wanting to see/believing in the good in people), but I post anyway.

Relapse at daybreak

Get it straight this time: it's a last chance
To try and walk this path until its end
Before it fully disappears below the wildest plants
And these random plans of yours
Won't clear the glade where you're stuck,
Waiting for the sun to come up,
Convince you once more of circumstance,
And that it's in the way you look at things
Yeah, you'll probably give her another opportunity
At times her explanations seem based on and proved by everything
But the sudden darkness of the night has you doubting, then
You are determined not to be fooled again
Still your hands are shaking too much
To draw an even line
Additionally some weird hope has planted its seed
Into you and now it grows

It is the cause for you staying around with wet clothes and a cold nose
Because you might just see a rainbow before the pouring stops
It is the cause for you forcing open your eyes, dull in the meantime
Because you might just see a star drop before the sunup
It is this new, this weird hope that keeps you giving anyone any number of last chances
Although you know you should be more consequent and you resolved to do so,
You repeatedly relapse as the sun rises.

cheers,
bluenightangel]]> Sunday Songwriters Group straycat. https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y3week45-relapse-at-daybreak/#post-11691