https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y3week5-13-people-hurt/ Guitar Noise Discussion Board en-US Thu, 04 Jun 2026 16:51:20 +0000 wpForo 60 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y3week5-13-people-hurt/paged/2/#post-79061 Thu, 09 Dec 2004 18:18:53 +0000
obsession is a great suggestion, thanks a lot!

ja'mir, I'm glad you also got the song :wink: I really tried making it less subtle today... yet every line I looked at seemed to be hard to change, means I couldn't think of how else to say it and also didn't really want to change that much.. I'll post a little revision, though. I'm afraid it's not even slightly less subtle, but hey, it doesn't have to be subtle, has it?

anyway thank you, too. hope you don't feel like I'm rejecting your suggestion without even trying, I did try!

here it is(I let the news-background-idea expand a bit.. not sure if it seems authentic though- feel free to speak your mind :wink: ):

13 people hurt

Misleading numbers in the news, you never care, do you
They say 13 people hurt in another massacre
You stay unimpressed, why cry for stranger's deaths
And why bother with them suffering when you could as well be wallowing
In your weird obsession for everything you've messed up without learning a lesson

13 people hurt
Hurt

You're seeking shelter in that pitch-black hooded sweatshirt
Hide your trembling face, no psychiatric footage
You want to get laid, why, you're already checkmate
In a first pass knee-jerk reaction I'm thinking I still wanna get some
You're dragging me across the floor; I just can't see the lines of chalk no more
The ones I've drawn before your bed, right opposite the door
So I would not again relapse, simply ‘cause you look so hurt


Sweden, hours later,
The extents of the terrible incident still ..................... you look so hurt
Can barely be described reasonably,
As far as the folks here know for sure:................why care 'bout 13 other
13 people are hurt.......................................................people hurt
While the police refused to reveal any details............when you look so
The country holds its breath..........................................distraught
This was BBC World news from Sweden,...................you look so hurt
We'll be back in half an hour. Stay tuned..........................so hurt


cheers,
bluenightangel]]> Sunday Songwriters Group straycat. https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y3week5-13-people-hurt/paged/2/#post-79061 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y3week5-13-people-hurt/paged/2/#post-78942 Wed, 08 Dec 2004 23:34:42 +0000
Gotta admit, I picked up the meaning on the first read ( for a change ) and really like it , but, it is very complex and if so many people didn't get it , I think you could make it all a little less subtle without loosing the checkmate and meaning behind the song.

I think it is worth working on ........

Go well
Ja'mir :wink:]]> Sunday Songwriters Group jamir https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y3week5-13-people-hurt/paged/2/#post-78942 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y3week5-13-people-hurt/paged/2/#post-78941 Wed, 08 Dec 2004 23:32:34 +0000 In your own obsession with everything you've messed up without learning a lesson
...

That gets my vote!]]> Sunday Songwriters Group gjbrake https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y3week5-13-people-hurt/paged/2/#post-78941 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y3week5-13-people-hurt/#post-78886 Wed, 08 Dec 2004 20:33:15 +0000 Sunday Songwriters Group scratchmonkey https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y3week5-13-people-hurt/#post-78886 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y3week5-13-people-hurt/#post-78882 Wed, 08 Dec 2004 20:19:18 +0000 I'm so fu.cking glad at least someone does understand what I was going for and does love 'checkmate', too :lol:
you don't have to be sorry, you really made me feel a lot better about this song.

I like the way you interpreted it, which is basically how I wanted it to come across with some minor changes but really well-expressed(I struggled explaining it, you know) and I'm happy you like the news in the background idea- even took it one step further, which I like;)
Not convinced that 'in your own compassion' works that well though exactly! I was stumbling about this one, too but as no one else seemed to notice it I thought it would be okay. you're also right about the rhyme thing which is why I still keep it in- didn't find any other word that means something like it and rhymes with 'lesson'....

I think I have to contemplate on this 'drowning'/'wallowing' thing a bit more. I might take 'wallowing', as you say it would fit and scratch obviously thinks so, too and it's the 'safer' way;)

thank you G
bluenightangel]]> Sunday Songwriters Group straycat. https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y3week5-13-people-hurt/#post-78882 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y3week5-13-people-hurt/#post-78833 Wed, 08 Dec 2004 15:17:38 +0000
This is what I get from your song:
This girl is too caught up in how messed up her life is to care about what is going on elsewhere (13 people hurt). She wants to get laid as a forget-it-all-for-a-moment release. The narrator is the one who sees the news story, and he sees how she doesn't care. This annoys him, and he tries to resist in an attempt to make her snap out of her self-indulgent depression. However, he doesn't like to see her hurting and gives in anyway, whilst wishing he wasn't. In the end though he has become as obsessed with her 'pain' as she is and both are ignoring the news story that continues in the background.

Not quite what you had in mind when writing it, but such is the beauty of songwriting and different interpretations.

Generally a very powerful and somewhat depressing song! I love the idea of having a news reader in the background. I love the checkmate line too.

As far as this line goes:
And why bother with them suffering when you could as well be drowning
In your own compassion for everything you've messed up without learning a lesson

-I actually quite like the parallel with the disaster and her drowning. Not convinced that 'in your own compassion' works that well though. Compassion hints at a desire to change things - not really all that self-indulgent. Still, it adds a nice rhyme, so you might want to keep it for that.

Sorry to seem to disagree with everyone else - no doubt that just adds to the confusion!!! That's just what I think.

Also, if you did want to change the drowing bit, I second the suggestion from Scratch of using 'wallowing'. That works really well too.

Hope this helps.
G]]> Sunday Songwriters Group gjbrake https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y3week5-13-people-hurt/#post-78833 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y3week5-13-people-hurt/#post-78717 Tue, 07 Dec 2004 20:14:46 +0000 Sunday Songwriters Group scratchmonkey https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y3week5-13-people-hurt/#post-78717 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y3week5-13-people-hurt/#post-78716 Tue, 07 Dec 2004 20:13:55 +0000 well be wallowing'?

I dunno.
but thanx for bothering to suggest anything;)
bluenightangel]]> Sunday Songwriters Group straycat. https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y3week5-13-people-hurt/#post-78716 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y3week5-13-people-hurt/#post-78713 Tue, 07 Dec 2004 20:07:23 +0000 Sunday Songwriters Group scratchmonkey https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y3week5-13-people-hurt/#post-78713 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y3week5-13-people-hurt/#post-78711 Tue, 07 Dec 2004 20:02:48 +0000
let's see......I still don't think there's a problem with massacre and drowning, don't you have this saying(drown in self-pity)? anyway it isn't important for me to have that certain word in the song, so here are some other suggestions:

how about 'tossing and turning', too long maybe but that's the only one I found that would fit the rhyming scheme:

And why bother with them suffering when you could as well be tossing and turning
In your own compassion for everything you've messed up without learning a lesson

or wait, got a better one:

And why bother with them suffering when you could as well be revelling
In your own compassion for everything you've messed up without learning a lesson

'checkmate' on the other hand is a word I'd love to keep in :cry:
christiaan, I'll try to explain it more properly now, ok:) You want to get laid why you're already checkmate the self-centred girl, who is all about self-pity at the moment, tries to hide from the reproaches of the boy(hides in the hooded sweatshirt) and she is like, everything's screwed up, so why don't we just sleep with each other so there is something beautiful at least or maybe she fears the relationship is about to break and that is her last attempt to save it. so 'you want to get laid' = the girl wants the boy to sleep with her
the boy on the other hand doesn't think it would help and thinks she would just degrade herself this way(if they do it)
'you're already checkmate' = she's already so deep down, it wouldn't improve the situation, she would only degrade herself more-- she's checkmate(rhymezone.com: place an opponent's king under an attack from which it cannot escape and thus ending the game)
...so he doesn't want to but then is like- hey why not('still want to get some') and in the end he falls back into the relationship

did I make sense now? :roll:
do you all really think the word doesn't fit at all and I should find another one? I love it so much........

lotto king, you said something is missing here... maybe it's the lack of a decent chorus or anything like that. I'm not that satisfied with the endless repeating of 'hurt' anymore.............. between the verses it's okay as '13 people hurt' should be like a reporter saying it/news extract and then just repeating hurt once. maybe I'll just leave out the most part of the 'hurts' in the end? Jesus, this needs a lot more work than I thought.

see you
bluenightangel]]> Sunday Songwriters Group straycat. https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y3week5-13-people-hurt/#post-78711