https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y4week12-purpose-to-the-hole/ Guitar Noise Discussion Board en-US Thu, 04 Jun 2026 23:20:15 +0000 wpForo 60 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y4week12-purpose-to-the-hole/#post-156653 Sat, 04 Feb 2006 16:48:27 +0000
However, even with 'ace' in the fourth line and 'reshuffling' in the eighth, I don't think there is enough foreshadowing of the card theme for 'cardless' to be a logical word choice for the next bit of the song. That doesn't mean you can't use it. It just makes the difference between the song being slightly cryptic and extremely cryptic. I would prefer the song if it was closer to 'slightly cryptic'. :)]]> Sunday Songwriters Group martin-6 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y4week12-purpose-to-the-hole/#post-156653 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y4week12-purpose-to-the-hole/#post-156648 Sat, 04 Feb 2006 15:38:13 +0000
so death cab seems to work, too, aye? 'cause I'd much rather use that word instead of "hearses".
'ace' doesn't count because you used it with 'serve' which connotes tennis martin-6, that was a misuse of the word then.. I actually thought it would be still in the card imagery, like laying down/playing/serving(?) an ace during the game. I didn't mean to refer to tennis. so how do I say it right, so that it is about cards?
and if that would be right do you think the "cardless" would work then? I hope so.

as for me being a lyricist, yes that is definitely more applying to me than being a guitarist, as I do play the guitar, but very poorly (and composing is usually very difficult for me)... not many songs of mine are set to music, but I at least got a few of them done (no masterpieces though)... and if you like you can listen to some at http://www.soundclick.com/whateverkeepsyouupatnight
oh and of course I wouldn't mind you trying to look back over some of my pieces. that should be interesting and I'm curious to see if you get something done and what it sounds like:)

thank you everyone for your helpful and nice comments
cheers
bluenightangel]]> Sunday Songwriters Group straycat. https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y4week12-purpose-to-the-hole/#post-156648 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y4week12-purpose-to-the-hole/#post-155355 Mon, 30 Jan 2006 00:44:59 +0000
Anyway back to the rest of your song I like this a lot ..

Would love to herd it

good writting ms Angel]]> Sunday Songwriters Group BarnaBus RoX https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y4week12-purpose-to-the-hole/#post-155355 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y4week12-purpose-to-the-hole/#post-155340 Sun, 29 Jan 2006 21:11:44 +0000 Sunday Songwriters Group beans7178 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y4week12-purpose-to-the-hole/#post-155340 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y4week12-purpose-to-the-hole/#post-155214 Sun, 29 Jan 2006 02:21:13 +0000
As for the song, I like it more than your last week's offering. The first two verses are especially good, as is the end. The bit about rolling up your sleeves instead of a white flag is excellent. The only lines I'm not sure about are:

But they are cardless
And you are depressed

Firstly because cardless is an unusual word which breaks the flow of the song.

Secondly because the card theme has only been introduced with 'reshuffling' in the previous line, and we have not had enough time develop a mental image of people who have cards but might actually be cardless. I think if cards were mentioned somehow in the first verse ('ace' doesn't count because you used it with 'serve' which connotes tennis), the cardless line might have a better chance of working.

Thirdly because I generally don't like it when songs talk about something complex like being depressed in such unsubtle terms.

Hope that helps with your song. By the way, as usual, I have absolutely no idea what kind of music this would go with, or what kind of music you play, or whether you are just a lyricist. I tend to find that non-guitarists write much more complex and 'structurally liberated' songs than guitarists, that's why I wondered. If you don't mind I might look back over some of your songs and try doing some music. I probably won't get far but I should learn something.]]> Sunday Songwriters Group martin-6 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y4week12-purpose-to-the-hole/#post-155214 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y4week12-purpose-to-the-hole/#post-155100 Sat, 28 Jan 2006 16:50:14 +0000
Liked the line, "...But they are cardless..." and especially liked "...And roll up your sleeves instead of a white flag..."

Maybe it's the hour of the morning, but I'm having a hard time getting a handle on what this might sound like. It's definitely very moody, at least in visual imagery.

Peace]]> Sunday Songwriters Group David Hodge https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y4week12-purpose-to-the-hole/#post-155100 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y4week12-purpose-to-the-hole/#post-14985 Fri, 27 Jan 2006 18:38:48 +0000
Purpose to the hole!

The lines on your face and that absurd way you behave
Convince me it is the wait, always the wait
Connecting intervals, leaving you in ever-growing space
With mental mockery and no ace to serve against

Hearses closing in on you, who is upright, petrified
And such an easy aim for their sickening light
“This brain's become a madhouse again” you think
As they offer you reshuffling so you might still win

But they are cardless
And you are depressed
Enough to accept that

Mumbling you turn to doubt's gloating grimace
And roll up your sleeves instead of a white flag-
“See, I am yours to take”

But you still bear the hope
Of a purpose to this hole
In the fabric of time so

Sooner or later you may resurface to meet Jack
On his way back and behold the chocolate mouth that
You aren't allowed to taste just yet

..and it'll be pure happiness.

...so that was that.... does "death cab" mean the same as "hearse"? it sounds like it does, but I didn't find a definition.... just the band death cab for cutie everywhere(they pretty good by the way).... anyone got an idea?
also not sure about the 'song'... but anyways..

cheers,
bluenightangel]]> Sunday Songwriters Group straycat. https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y4week12-purpose-to-the-hole/#post-14985