Y4week24 directions lose sense - Sunday Songwriters Group

RE: Y4week24 directions lose sense

Bob — Sun, 23 Apr 2006 16:36:34 +0000

Hi BNA

Music on the recording is very one dimensional and I'd be tempted to use a fingerpicking style rather than the part strum you were using. There's a lot happening lyrically which the music needs to support but not overwhelm so you weren't too far off in what you were trying to achieve.

When I read it originally thought it would be early REM - in the style of We Walk off Murmur but recording went in a totally different direction - it's good to be surprised.

Noticed also that you sang different words on occasions to make the lines scan better although I preferred what you had written down. Bit too much of a gap at this point

It all becomes the setting sun
And if it shall rise again

the line finshes and there's too long waiting for the completion of the verse I'd just follow them straight through as they're tied together anyway.

An enjoyable listen though.

good stuff

Bob :wink:

RE: Y4week24 directions lose sense

Celt — Sun, 23 Apr 2006 01:05:27 +0000

Bluenightangel

I like this :!:

If I were to suggest anything it would be to bring
more dynamics to the music. Then again there is
a certain monotious feel to the lyrics so
maybe that is what you were going for.

Good Job

John

Y4week24 directions lose sense

straycat. — Sat, 22 Apr 2006 23:32:17 +0000

Directions lose sense

Up, up the stairs we go
Or maybe down who knows
Our feet, they are so slow
That directions lose sense
And one doubts they're moving

But, hell weâ€˜re tired
And sore
The grief comes in waves
We distinguish no more
It all becomes one
It all becomes the setting sun
And if it shall rise again
It won't be our achievement

It wasn't up to us
We just fell for love
And now this chaos
Is a laugh
Still
Up, up the stairs we go
Or maybe down, who knows
Our feet, they are so slow
Directions lose sense
And reason, it bows

To that tiredness
Which keeps us awake
To these sore backs
We load with pretence

But, hell we're tired
And sore
Age seems no option anymore
Still
Up, up the sun doth rise
I've lost track of the times
We swore we'd have it buried
Then hurried to the shore
At four in the morning
Not to miss the new dawning
But it'd always be just another sunrise over sea

okay I stole lines from >>Lord of the Rings: Return of the King<< ("up, up the stairs they go" Gollum),
>>peaches& cream<< by John Butler Trio ("brand new day.. sunrise over sea") and the music kinda sounds like britta persson's "defrag my heart"

my efforts (which took me all afternoon and evening and still are poor, cheap and bad recording quality) for this will be posted on http://www.soundclick.com/whateverkeepsyouupatnight now

cheers,
bluenightangel