https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7-week-36-hand-in-hand-dylan-barrett/ Guitar Noise Discussion Board en-US Fri, 05 Jun 2026 10:36:06 +0000 wpForo 60 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7-week-36-hand-in-hand-dylan-barrett/#post-333433 Wed, 08 Jul 2009 02:17:36 +0000 Okay. I was trying to show that as things may come and go and change, wane and wax - etc etc.. whatever, their love will keep them together That came across strongly for me, and worked well.
So, I like my metaphors but do you think I should generalise them rather than personlise like:

Over our horizon, dawns a brand new day
We both see it coming, we're gonna find our way
A walk along a beach leaves footprints in the sand
Tomorrow they'll be washed away but we'll still be here hand in hand Either way seems OK in general, but in this context it would be a way of changing the pace a little from the format of "we did this, we did that". There's something like 17 uses of "we" in that song, (there must be a joke in there somewhere about it going "we,we,we all the way home...." :wink: ) so a shift or two probably wouldn't hurt.
Thoughts? The lines that struck me as a bit clunky were ones like:

Over our horizon, dawns a brand new day


Because it's an inversion. The natural way to say it would be "A brand new day dawns over our horizon"

Similarly:

What we have together we need not understand

Would be something like " We don't need to understand why our love works"

It's not that the lines in the song are flat out wrong, it's just that they detract from the smooth flow of the thinking. Inversions are a known trap in poetry (and in any writing) and the usual advice is to avoid them, because they can look a bit old fashioned and a touch clumsy. They can occasionally be used deliberately for effect, but the simple rule of thumb seems to be to try and give them a miss. It's pretty common to find them in first drafts, when you're just trying to get some thoughts on the page at any cost, but it something that's worth keeping an eye out for when you edit. At least, that's how I see it.

Cheers,

Chris]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Chris C https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7-week-36-hand-in-hand-dylan-barrett/#post-333433 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7-week-36-hand-in-hand-dylan-barrett/#post-333432 Wed, 08 Jul 2009 01:46:47 +0000
Great double act there Ken!

Good to see you write a song this week, even if you did sneak it into Dylan's thread.

Cheers,

Chris
(Interesting that you have a brother who's a pilot. So do I, but I don't think he's in the same songwriting class as your bro is... :) )]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Chris C https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7-week-36-hand-in-hand-dylan-barrett/#post-333432 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7-week-36-hand-in-hand-dylan-barrett/#post-333411 Tue, 07 Jul 2009 21:41:07 +0000
so we ran through the rain
we jumped in the puddle
you ruined your shoes
then refused to cuddle

so much for romance
and singing in the rain
you blame me for everything
it's the same old refrain

I always do this
and never do that
you sound like a parrot
you old bat

it's why I hate the rain
and the sound of thunder
it reminds me of you
and the thumb I was under


Which I guess shows us that there's two sides to every story?]]> Sunday Songwriters Group KR2 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7-week-36-hand-in-hand-dylan-barrett/#post-333411 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7-week-36-hand-in-hand-dylan-barrett/#post-333403 Tue, 07 Jul 2009 17:04:02 +0000
We agreed to dinner
After seeing the show
A soft rain falling lightly
You refused to go

We'll dash across the puddles
This storm is not a threat
As long as we're together
So what if we get wet

Chorus:
Life is meant for spending
No lecture please on finance
I don't mind a gamble
Why won't you take a chance?]]> Sunday Songwriters Group KR2 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7-week-36-hand-in-hand-dylan-barrett/#post-333403 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7-week-36-hand-in-hand-dylan-barrett/#post-333402 Tue, 07 Jul 2009 16:30:16 +0000 Sunday Songwriters Group KR2 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7-week-36-hand-in-hand-dylan-barrett/#post-333402 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7-week-36-hand-in-hand-dylan-barrett/#post-333382 Tue, 07 Jul 2009 12:38:43 +0000 .. but please accept a Gold Star for the chords this week.. :wink: Ahhh, a Gold Star - I will wear it with pride - Sheriff of Three Chord County....

Okay. I was trying to show that as things may come and go and change, wane and wax - etc etc.. whatever, their love will keep them together (hang about, that's a good one... :note1: Love, love will keep us together... :note1: ) :oops:

So, I like my metaphors but do you think I should generalise them rather than personlise like:

Over our horizon, dawns a brand new day
We both see it coming, we're gonna find our way
A walk along a beach leaves footprints in the sand
Tomorrow they'll be washed away but we'll still be here hand in hand

James. The idea is that even when there are not storms (turbulent times in life metaphor) it can still rain (less turbulent but still challenging times) will still be around. The "coat" thing is trying to say that sometimes you just have to take a chance and if you get a bit wet - what the heck (all metaphors of course) although I remember chatting to the ex-wife of a friend of mine. They agreed to meet up one day just to catch up on things. She told me that it started raining and they didn't have an umbrella so he wouldn't go for a walk because it was too wet... She said to him that was why they were not compatible - she would have gone for a walk in the rain - he wouldn't take the chance....

Maybe like the verse above, I need to de-personalise it?

Thoughts?

Rock on!
D 8)]]> Sunday Songwriters Group DylanBarrett https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7-week-36-hand-in-hand-dylan-barrett/#post-333382 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7-week-36-hand-in-hand-dylan-barrett/#post-333331 Mon, 06 Jul 2009 17:52:21 +0000
Good start :D Strong hook :!:

Suggestion
(D)Our storms will come and go but (G)rain can always fall (C-G)
how about (D)Storms will come and go let the rain fall (C-G)

or Storms will come and go let the thunder roll(C-G)

Then save "let the rain fall" to replace "chance to give it all"


(D)Let's leave our coats now is our (G)chance to give it all (C-G)
I don't see the connection between not wearing a coat in the rain and the strength of the relationship meet here with "chance to give it all"

(D)We know the floods will dry but we'll (G)still be here hand in (C7)ha(E)n(D)d
I know I am suggesting a cliche....but what about

come hell or high water we'll (G)still be here hand in (C7)ha(E)n(D)d


It looks like it's mainly this verse to consider revisions for.....otherwise looking good :D

James]]> Sunday Songwriters Group jamestoffee https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7-week-36-hand-in-hand-dylan-barrett/#post-333331 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7-week-36-hand-in-hand-dylan-barrett/#post-333328 Mon, 06 Jul 2009 17:15:55 +0000 The problem is though, my chord library isn't that vast so I am a bit limited and I'd rather not have my songs sounding all the same....Hmmmm, crap excuse - ok....it's a fair cop! My own "chord library" is less like a library and more like a couple of pages from a comic... But that should be enough. I have what they call "The Cowboy Chords" nailed (i.e. a handful of basic open chords) and a modest gaggle of fancier 'Vic Lewis Chords' (i.e the odd sus4, a few 7s etc...) but whole careers in music have been built on less. 8) I usually cover it all up with fuzzy indistinct recordings, but I'm slowly finding out just how much variation you can wring out of a modest kit of tools. In fact I'm thinking of setting myself the 'homework' of writing 10 different songs using the same 3 chords just to see what I'd learn. Um.... this is supposed to be about your song isn't it... not about me... so hang on while I nip through it again...


OK. As always, I liked your ideas and angles. Intriguing to see that (like James' song) this struck me as being written by somebody who already knows what matters in a long term relationship. I seem to be able to hear the voice of experience there, with the emphasis on facing all the ups and down that life inevitably chucks at a life and a partnership, but surviving them because you're two halves of one strong unit.

(D) Over our horizon, (G)dawns a brand new day (C-G)
(D)We both see it coming, (G)we're gonna find our way (C-G)
(D)What we have together (G)we need not understand (C-G)
(D)Whatever changes come we'll (G)still be here hand in (C7)ha(E)n(D)d

Great ending line. I reckon that it's always good to keep the strongest words and images for the end of a pair, or a verse, so right on the money there. I wasn't quite so sure about the previous lines, because there was so much inversion of the normal order of speaking going on, which tends to look it's been twisted to get a rhyme to work, rather than to serve the way the point needs to be made. I guess that a singer might be able to get away with it, but it seems like a risky strategy. Maybe that's just a personal thing though.

I'd say that music with an 'Our Song' feel, as you put it, would be ideal for the first dance and you've nailed an important ingredient with this one.

Cheers,

Chris]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Chris C https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7-week-36-hand-in-hand-dylan-barrett/#post-333328 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7-week-36-hand-in-hand-dylan-barrett/#post-36545 Mon, 06 Jul 2009 16:08:31 +0000
Well, I started writing this, then looked at the assignment again and thought of writing another song but...what the heck....

This is more of an 'our song' rather than a 'first dance' song - although there's no accounting for taste. Do you know, I can't remember what song we danced to when I got hitched all those years ago....probably 'I've Got You Babe'... :roll: :wink: Had the desired effect anyways....

As I felt like I got a virtual bollocking for writing songs without any music, I've strummed, sung and written the chords for this one like a good boy... :wink: Might even make an mp3 after I absorbed the critique... The problem is though, my chord library isn't that vast so I am a bit limited and I'd rather not have my songs sounding all the same....Hmmmm, crap excuse - ok....it's a fair cop!

No chorus, just verses and a bridge (just to be a little bit controversial)


Hand in Hand

D-G-C-G x 2
(D) Over our horizon, (G)dawns a brand new day (C-G)
(D)We both see it coming, (G)we're gonna find our way (C-G)
(D)We've walked along a beach (G)left our footprints in the sand (C-G)
(D)We know they'll be washed away but we'll (G)still be here hand in (C7)ha(E)n(D)d

D-G-C-G x 2

(D)Our storms will come and go but (G)rain can always fall (C-G)
(D)Let's leave our coats now is our (G)chance to give it all (C-G)
(D)We've jumped in pools of water (G)laughing as we land (C-G)
(D)We know the floods will dry but we'll (G)still be here hand in (C7)ha(E)n(D)d

(Bm)We don't know what the future (Am7)holds for us,
(Bm)but that's always been the (Am7)way
(Bm)We'll ride the changes as they come to (Am7)us,
(Bm)well make it work, day by (Am7)day by day(C) by day (C7) by day

D-G-C-G x 2

(D) Over our horizon, (G)dawns a brand new day (C-G)
(D)We both see it coming, (G)we're gonna find our way (C-G)
(D)What we have together (G)we need not understand (C-G)
(D)Whatever changes come we'll (G)still be here hand in (C7)ha(E)n(D)d

D-G-C-G x 4

Thanks for reading.

Rock on!
D 8)]]> Sunday Songwriters Group DylanBarrett https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7-week-36-hand-in-hand-dylan-barrett/#post-36545