https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7-week-4-run-away-dylan-barrett-mp3/ Guitar Noise Discussion Board en-US Thu, 04 Jun 2026 22:15:16 +0000 wpForo 60 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7-week-4-run-away-dylan-barrett-mp3/paged/2/#post-314908 Fri, 28 Nov 2008 20:20:50 +0000
I like to try and keep the songs to about four minutes and can only say so much. I know what you're saying but let me ask you this - and anyone who reads this.... there are songs that tell a whole story and some songs that make you work things out for yourself and even make up bits to suit their own feelings or memories etc...

I tend to make the listener work a little bit - now that may be a bad thing, I don't know. See it from the singers perspective.

I did start mapping out the setting but then thought it didn't really matter (it was a barn actually), so I done a few verses about mucking about in the hay and the smell of the hay etc., but it got complicated. It was the first time they had met, almost a blind date but he was just a kid, never had a girlfriend and it kinda got a bit scary so made excuses and legged it! Only thinking later, what an idiot he was :roll:

The biking, climbing, flying kites etc is something we got up to during the summer holidays, it's what kid's do when you don't know the joys of female company. And when you find it, if you don't take your chances you might not get another one for a long long time...

There we go... in a nutshell - HEY, WAKE UP!!!

Rock on!

D 8)]]> Sunday Songwriters Group DylanBarrett https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7-week-4-run-away-dylan-barrett-mp3/paged/2/#post-314908 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7-week-4-run-away-dylan-barrett-mp3/#post-314904 Fri, 28 Nov 2008 18:13:14 +0000
I like your chord variations between the different sections. The message is clear and sticking with one emotion.

I would like to hear a bit more about the singer to singee relationship...I am trying to piece together the setting, but it's not all working out for me...Summertime (check)...dusk (check) but what would the relationship and setting be that he would run away and look for her later and she wouldn't be found?.. and was the singer doing all the summer time activities with the girl (biking, climbing, kite flying and hiding) or was he doing those things separately and just met a stranger during a summer vacation?]]> Sunday Songwriters Group jamestoffee https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7-week-4-run-away-dylan-barrett-mp3/#post-314904 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7-week-4-run-away-dylan-barrett-mp3/#post-314853 Thu, 27 Nov 2008 21:44:46 +0000
As the sun went down.. those dark brown eyes
As the sun went down...I'm getting hungry
As the sun went down...wonder what's for tea
As the sun.... I'm off!

Seriously, yes, I'll have a muse....

Rock on!
D 8)]]> Sunday Songwriters Group DylanBarrett https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7-week-4-run-away-dylan-barrett-mp3/#post-314853 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7-week-4-run-away-dylan-barrett-mp3/#post-314804 Thu, 27 Nov 2008 03:40:50 +0000 Your song trails off with those same chords repeated over anyway.
Might as well trail it off with the words too.
So,
As the sun went down . .
those dark brown eyes . .
As the sun went down . .
those dark brown eyes . .

It gives the impression that you're waiting . . .
and thinking about her as you wait.]]> Sunday Songwriters Group KR2 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7-week-4-run-away-dylan-barrett-mp3/#post-314804 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7-week-4-run-away-dylan-barrett-mp3/#post-314803 Thu, 27 Nov 2008 02:24:41 +0000
Ok, here's another slightly amended version. Kens' comments made me think a bit so I've changed a couple of words - first thing is the title: Those Dark Brown Eyes - loverly, thanks Ken. Also Ken made me look at "My innocence' line - still needs punch so I've changed it to "blown away".... later I've added 'those dark brown eyes' , great, needed that for the title, but here's where I have a problem.

I like KR2s idea of repeating Those Dark Brown Eyes... at the end, instead of 'as the sun went down' but I want folks to feel the fact that this poor little lad is sat there waiting for hours for her to turn up (she never did) and whilst probably on hindsight would have been nice to think he was thinking of her eyes at that point is maudlin, I think he was thinking of the long cycle ride home at night without any lights :roll: :wink:

What do you all think? - DBWA or ATSWD? or... 'as my cycle light dimmed'.... :D

Those Dark Brown Eyes

(Am) (G6) (Am) (G6)
(Am)I never will for( G6)get that day
(Am)when I saw you lying (G6)there
(Am)you smiled and looked me (G6)in the eye
(Am)I was young, too young (G6) too shy

(Am)My legs were shaking I could (G6)hardly stand
(Am)My trembling body would be(G6)tray
((Am)And when you kissed me slowly (G6)in the dark
(Am)My innocence... (G6) was blown awa(G)y (D)(C)

(G)Those summer days seem (D) to be so far (C)away
(G)Riding bikes and climbin' (D) making up the (C)day
(G)It was my first time, (D) didn't know what to (C)say
(G)Now I look back wish'd I'd (D) never run aw(Fm7)ay

(Am) (G6)(Am) (G6)

(Am)those dark brown eyes they (G6)questioned me
(Am)in the shadows of the (G6)day
(Am)Just a boy you were (G6)a girl of seventeen
(Am)I turn around and ran(G6) ran awa(G)y (D)(C)

(G)Those summer days seem (D)to be so far (C)away
(G)Flyin' kites and hidin' (D)making up the (C)day
(G)It was my first time, (D)didn't know what to (C)say
(G)Now I look back wish'd I'd (D)never run aw(Fm7)ay

(Am)(G6)(Am)(G6)

(Am)The weeks they passed, I (G6)thought of nothing else
(Am)Childhood games had disap(G6)peared
(Am)I returned but she was (G6) nowhere to be found
(Am)Waited to see those eyes aga(G6)in....
as the sun went down (Am) (G6) (Am) (G6)

Rock on!

D 8)]]> Sunday Songwriters Group DylanBarrett https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7-week-4-run-away-dylan-barrett-mp3/#post-314803 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7-week-4-run-away-dylan-barrett-mp3/#post-314749 Wed, 26 Nov 2008 18:42:08 +0000 Sunday Songwriters Group JoeHempel https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7-week-4-run-away-dylan-barrett-mp3/#post-314749 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7-week-4-run-away-dylan-barrett-mp3/#post-314725 Wed, 26 Nov 2008 13:34:06 +0000
Thanks for the comments - yeh, I think it's got something I can work on... most of my chords are unique :D

I wasn't sure whether you were pulling my leg about the use of words... :? , of course the word 'tray' is the end part of 'betray', as in 'my trembling body would betray' - I put a chord change in between the word.

The last line of the verse 'My innocence just blew away' sorta works up into a crescendo of chord changes so I thought it needed a strong words - 'melted' sounds a bit soft but you made me think about that so I'm going to look again.

Yes, dark brown eyes at the end sounds good - I'll do that. If I use it twice, I'll probably change the title to Brown Eyes.

Silly grin - I really don't know what you mean... :wink:

Hi Vic - I have audacity so I'll have play about with it.

Ok, better get on with some work now....It's addictive this songwriting lark - I could do it every hour of every day but it will never get me bread on the table...

Oh yes, a friend of mine came to pick some stuff up from me yesterday and I was playing and singing Man on the Moon - he has invited me to play and sing with some of his mates for fun....Yeh, rock and roll....!!!! :D

Rock on!

D 8)]]> Sunday Songwriters Group DylanBarrett https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7-week-4-run-away-dylan-barrett-mp3/#post-314725 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7-week-4-run-away-dylan-barrett-mp3/#post-314711 Wed, 26 Nov 2008 05:27:49 +0000
1 - Record rough backing track, singing and playing guitar. Call this track #1....

2 - Play back track #1 thru headphones, record track #2 - this time concentrate solely on the guitar.

3 - Play back tracks #1 & #2 thru headphones, record track #3 - this time, concentrate on the vocal.

4 - Delete track #1, leaving track #2 - guitar - and track #3 - vocals, both of which you've been able to give your full attention to.

5 - Mix as necessary, export to mp3, and let us have a listen!

(This is what I SHOULD have done with this week's MP3, but I was pushed for time so just did the one quick take, guitar and vocals...when I get a chance, I'll re-do it.)

:D :D :D

Vic]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Vic Lewis VL https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7-week-4-run-away-dylan-barrett-mp3/#post-314711 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7-week-4-run-away-dylan-barrett-mp3/#post-314699 Wed, 26 Nov 2008 04:12:32 +0000 Very nicely done, DB.
Interesting chords . . . different. . . . unique . . . I enjoyed it.

Some changes in words I would suggest (feel free to ignore)
first, your use of 'tray' I'm not familiar with . . . but that's OK, I'll look it up

My suggestions are instead of "My innocence just blew away" . . . "melted away"
"dark brown eyes they questioned me" . . . "fascinated me"
and later on when you mention her eyes again . . .
"Waited to see those eyes again" . . . "those dark brown eyes again"

Again, I liked it.
So you can keep that silly grin on your face.

KR2]]> Sunday Songwriters Group KR2 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7-week-4-run-away-dylan-barrett-mp3/#post-314699 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7-week-4-run-away-dylan-barrett-mp3/#post-314691 Wed, 26 Nov 2008 03:08:56 +0000
Heck with the chords - my brain hurts!!! Ok Am G6

Not only that, the song was too long so I've chopped it down to just over 4 mins from an epic 5min +

(Am) (G6) (Am) ( G6)
(Am)I never will for( G6)get thatday
(Am)when I saw you lying (G6)there
(Am)you smiled and looked me (G6)in the eye
(Am)I was young, too young (G6) too shy

(Am)My legs were shaking I could (G6)hardly stand
(Am)My trembling body would be(G6)tray
((Am)And when you kissed me slowly (G6)in the dark
(Am)My innocence... (G6) just blew awa(G)y (D)(C)

(G)Those summer days seem (D) to be so far (C)away
(G)Riding bikes and climbin' (D) making up the (C)day
(G)It was my first time, (D) didn't know what to (C)say
(G)Now I look back wish'd I'd (D) never run aw(Fm7)ay

(Am) (G6)(Am) (G6)

(Am)dark brown eyes they (G6)questioned me
(Am)in the shadows of the (G6)day
(Am)Just a boy you were (G6)a girl of seventeen
(Am)I turn around and ran(G6) ran awa(G)y (D)(C)

(G)Those summer days seem (D)to be so far (C)away
(G)Flyin' kites and hidin' (D)making up the (C)day
(G)It was my first time, (D)didn't know what to (C)say
(G)Now I look back wish'd I'd (D)never run aw(Fm7)ay

(Am)(G6)(Am)(G6)

(Am)The weeks they passed, I (G6)thought of nothing else
(Am)Childhood games had disap(G6)peared
(Am)I returned but she was (G6) nowhere to be found
(Am)Waited to see those eyes aga(G6)in....
until the sun went down (Am) (G6) (Am) (G6)



Tell me, did any of you other folks have a problem when you started recording and just couldn't get it to work right as soon as you pressed the button - I'm pulling my hair out - concentrate on the playing and singing is crap, concentrate on the singing and the playing is crap (well... :roll: ) - I'm concentrating on both here and this is the result, but you'll get the general idea of the song.....Only need to throw in a couple of barre chords and I'll have a full house :oops: I imagine it's sorta like digital stage fright! :D

http://www.box.net/shared/cio9xeepgo

I actually like the sound of this, but the verse to chorus transition is messy - not sure what to do - offers please? Maybe it's my playing inexperience that's the problem - I will accept that.

This is without the capo....

Rock on!

D 8)]]> Sunday Songwriters Group DylanBarrett https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7-week-4-run-away-dylan-barrett-mp3/#post-314691