https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7-wk13-undercover/ Guitar Noise Discussion Board en-US Thu, 04 Jun 2026 17:53:13 +0000 wpForo 60 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7-wk13-undercover/paged/2/#post-320367 Mon, 02 Feb 2009 12:27:47 +0000
Thanks to all of you for the feedback. :D

James]]> Sunday Songwriters Group jamestoffee https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7-wk13-undercover/paged/2/#post-320367 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7-wk13-undercover/paged/2/#post-320348 Mon, 02 Feb 2009 05:12:26 +0000
You managed to set the scene, create a mood, tell a story, and put plenty of feeling into it.

Job done, and done well, IMO.

:D :D :D

Vic]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Vic Lewis VL https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7-wk13-undercover/paged/2/#post-320348 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7-wk13-undercover/paged/2/#post-320342 Mon, 02 Feb 2009 04:13:39 +0000
Peace
Julia Spring]]> Sunday Songwriters Group JuliaSpring https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7-wk13-undercover/paged/2/#post-320342 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7-wk13-undercover/#post-320013 Thu, 29 Jan 2009 03:59:15 +0000
I haven't seen the movie but now I think I'll read the book and then do a rental. I don't think it matters if listeners don't get the exact storyline. I miss out on most things I listen too. Enjoyed.

E]]> Sunday Songwriters Group stikman https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7-wk13-undercover/#post-320013 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7-wk13-undercover/#post-319868 Tue, 27 Jan 2009 15:27:26 +0000 I would have thought the same...I was surprised for the positive feedback on keeping the first....the jury is still out....what will I tell Joe if I cut the original?....he seems pretty stoked about the whole "My favorite book is in a song thing" :roll: :lol:
I don't mind that I haven't seen the movie yet (let me borrow?). Sorry, I don't have a copy...it was on UBC a while aback....but definitely an edited version from the youtube scenes I saw in my "research" :oops: Actually, it looks like there are so many youtube clips, you could piece the whole thing together. :lol:

Thanks for the feedback :D
James]]> Sunday Songwriters Group jamestoffee https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7-wk13-undercover/#post-319868 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7-wk13-undercover/#post-319866 Tue, 27 Jan 2009 15:18:05 +0000
Must say I do like the rewrite better, if only because the first was just too long. I did like this line though:

Chorus
I try to fit in; to look like the others
I wear the same skin; but deep undercover
The fight with myself begins; I lose, and it's over
I never try, never win and it's all undercover
KR2

I don't mind that I haven't seen the movie yet (let me borrow?). I think the key is you've got something that sets a certain tone a builds a world in the listeners mind - I built my own images to interpret it and so that's successful. I can see that it is some kind of fantasy sci-fi (mutants) but in a not too indistinct future (track housing).

You're a machine James... keep pumping out the music and comments.]]> Sunday Songwriters Group contagiousjerm https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7-wk13-undercover/#post-319866 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7-wk13-undercover/#post-319859 Tue, 27 Jan 2009 14:36:46 +0000 Sunday Songwriters Group JoeHempel https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7-wk13-undercover/#post-319859 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7-wk13-undercover/#post-319858 Tue, 27 Jan 2009 14:32:55 +0000
Thanks, all, for the input! I put up the original version again, a little tighter, but still with room for improvement on the performance side.

James]]> Sunday Songwriters Group jamestoffee https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7-wk13-undercover/#post-319858 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7-wk13-undercover/#post-319835 Tue, 27 Jan 2009 08:04:11 +0000
Nice job! Didn't expect to see this at all. Can't really think of anything to say, I'm still wowed by the fact that you wrote a song about Scanner Darkly.]]> Sunday Songwriters Group JoeHempel https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7-wk13-undercover/#post-319835 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7-wk13-undercover/#post-319819 Tue, 27 Jan 2009 05:40:32 +0000
Like Ken, I think I like the first version better than the first, although I can see you using bits of both.

The only suggestion I'd make is to take out the "I'm undercover" right before the first chorus. Gives the game away and you really don't need it. Same with the "Still undercover" in the last verse, although you could make a case for that one, given the details being described.

Looking forward to more.

Peace]]> Sunday Songwriters Group David Hodge https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7-wk13-undercover/#post-319819