https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7w19-train-of-thought/ Guitar Noise Discussion Board en-US Fri, 05 Jun 2026 02:23:39 +0000 wpForo 60 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7w19-train-of-thought/#post-323773 Thu, 19 Mar 2009 15:56:56 +0000
KR2, thanks for the feedback. I did try to incorporate a bridge section but had a lot of trouble. But maybe your suggestion at the end of the tune would be a good idea to add some variety. Now, are you talking about those lines over the verse chords, chorus chords, or a new progression all together. It might be kind of cool to ritard there and hang on a couple of chords in sadness.

Thanks,

Ernie]]> Sunday Songwriters Group stikman https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7w19-train-of-thought/#post-323773 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7w19-train-of-thought/#post-323754 Thu, 19 Mar 2009 06:01:39 +0000
You use this?

Oh, Marabelle
Why can't you see?
I'm (a) lying here
With a busted knee (or) in pain and agony (or) misery

and/or

Oh, Marabelle
Please don't leave me
Me heart is broken (or) You've broken my heart
And so is my knee (or) And now a busted knee :mrgreen:

KR2]]> Sunday Songwriters Group KR2 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7w19-train-of-thought/#post-323754 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7w19-train-of-thought/#post-323753 Thu, 19 Mar 2009 05:48:48 +0000
Suggestion:
She has a name
Marabelle This line seems a bit awkward...

maybe

Her name is
Marabelle

or

Well, her name is
Marabelle
(if you need 4 syllables)]]> Sunday Songwriters Group jamestoffee https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7w19-train-of-thought/#post-323753 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7w19-train-of-thought/#post-323752 Thu, 19 Mar 2009 04:39:57 +0000 Sounds like you had fun with that one.
That's the type of song . . . . where when you're sitting around with your friends . . .
would be fun just to pick up the guitar and rattle that song off.

KR2]]> Sunday Songwriters Group KR2 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7w19-train-of-thought/#post-323752 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7w19-train-of-thought/#post-323751 Thu, 19 Mar 2009 04:28:32 +0000
Train of Thought

I do my work
Outside of town
Drivin' railroad spikes
Deep into the ground

The work is hard
But the pay is good
I make enough to mend my clothes
And buy my food

Oh sweltering day
Swingin' my sledge
I see a shadow movin'
Over by the hedge

I look up and see her
As I reach mid-swing
She is an angel in pearls
And walkin' right past me

Train of thought
Don't get lost
Train of thought
Don't derail
Train of thought
Come back to me
I've done lost my train of thought
And busted my knee

She has a name
Marabelle
When I can't gaze on her
My life is a livin' hell

She does not care
Never thinks about me
I am tiny a nuisance
That she cannot see

Chorus

Still I hobble on
Try to chase her down
But my busted knee
Sends me tumbling to the ground

I watch her fade
Watch her walk away
All I have left
Is her memory

Chorus]]> Sunday Songwriters Group stikman https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7w19-train-of-thought/#post-323751 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7w19-train-of-thought/#post-323031 Thu, 12 Mar 2009 04:03:38 +0000
This verse still seems a little awkward:

One sweltering day
I was swingin' my sledge
About that time a figure walked
Through the hedge

Maybe making things a little simpler might help:

One sweltering day
While swingin' my sledge
I heard a rustle
Over by the hedge

or something like that.

Okay, three songs so far and three good laughs. Can't wait to read Vic's.

Peace]]> Sunday Songwriters Group David Hodge https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7w19-train-of-thought/#post-323031 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7w19-train-of-thought/#post-323027 Thu, 12 Mar 2009 03:28:57 +0000
Train of Thought

I was workin'
Outside of town
Drivin' railroad spikes
Deep into the ground

The work was hard
But the pay was good
I made enough to mend my clothes
And buy my food

One sweltering day
I was swingin' my sledge
About that time a figure walked
Through the hedge

I looked up and saw her
As I reached mid-swing
She was an angel in pearls
And walkin' right past me

The sledge swung down
And it hit my knee
I didn't feel any pain
No agony

Train of thought
Don't get lost
Train of thought
Don't derail
Train of thought
Come back to me
I've done lost my train of thought
And busted my knee

She had a name
Marabelle
When I couldn't gaze on her
My life was hell

She did not care
Never thought about me
I was a nuisance
That she could not see

Chorus

Still I hobbled on
I tried to chase her down
But my busted knee
Sent me tumbling to the ground

I watched her fade
Watched her walk away
All I had left
Was her memory

Chorus]]> Sunday Songwriters Group stikman https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7w19-train-of-thought/#post-323027 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7w19-train-of-thought/#post-322975 Wed, 11 Mar 2009 16:01:09 +0000
Can I use Lookin' hot? Or maybe "Dressed to a T"? No, that kind of ryhmes with a certain word that caused
some minor contention recently. Well I'll mull it over at work. Maybe just the word "Pretty".

Thanks for the listen and advice guys.

stik]]> Sunday Songwriters Group stikman https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7w19-train-of-thought/#post-322975 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7w19-train-of-thought/#post-322967 Wed, 11 Mar 2009 14:21:42 +0000 Nice story . . . but yeh, Marabelle walking naked down the rails? . . .
. . . was she advertising her business? . . .
. . . maybe she was sleepwalking?

Enjoyed it. Guitar and voice sounding good.

KR2]]> Sunday Songwriters Group KR2 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7w19-train-of-thought/#post-322967 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7w19-train-of-thought/#post-322965 Wed, 11 Mar 2009 13:40:27 +0000
Good story :D Nice gtr playing and recording :note2: ....new toys!!!! Yippee!!!

Suggestion:
Naked and walkin' past me
....get some clothes on that girl! It makes the song highly unbelievable that the town honey would be walking naked through a train camp/work site :shock: Unless she is like the blind Carmen Electra in Scary Movie 4 "The Village" scene

James]]> Sunday Songwriters Group jamestoffee https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7w19-train-of-thought/#post-322965