https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7w6-the-melody/ Guitar Noise Discussion Board en-US Fri, 05 Jun 2026 04:10:45 +0000 wpForo 60 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7w6-the-melody/#post-316186 Sun, 14 Dec 2008 01:57:25 +0000
I see what you mean about the "world music" vibe as well....funny, because when you went into the little guitar breaks, I was thinking.....steel drums? Hmmmm.....it's pretty good as it is, but maybe if it was just a little jollier - the song's a celebration of life and music, after all, it should be bouncy, jolly, happy.

Small suggestion - if you're anything like me, your face'll probably be screwed up into a grimace of sorts while you're concentrating, and believe me, that's not a pretty sight in my case! - try SMILING as you sing - you'll be surprised at the effect it has on your vocals.

:D :D :D

Vic]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Vic Lewis VL https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7w6-the-melody/#post-316186 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7w6-the-melody/#post-316184 Sun, 14 Dec 2008 01:52:52 +0000 Any feedback?

All our life songs
have a measure
whether child, lover or friend
learn to treasure every moment
You can't get them back again

--------------------alternatives below-------------------
All our life songs
have a measure
whether child, lover or friend
learn to treasure every moment
every new day has an end

All our life songs
have a measure
whether child, lover or friend
learn to treasure every moment
this moment won't come again

All our life songs
have a measure
it's no use to try and pretend
learn to treasure every moment
this moment won't come again

All our life songs
have a measure
every new day has an end
learn to treasure every moment
this moment won't come again

All our life songs
have a measure
it's no use to try and pretend
learn to treasure every moment
this moment won't come again]]> Sunday Songwriters Group jamestoffee https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7w6-the-melody/#post-316184 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7w6-the-melody/#post-316156 Sat, 13 Dec 2008 17:03:33 +0000 Have a measure
Through the sunshine and the rain
Learn to treasure every moment
No two days are ever the same Those first two lines are very good. You get the point of "our days being numbered" across.
Very clever.
Maybe change the last line to
"You will never live that day again"
or
"You will not be given that day again"
or
"You will not have that day again"

Also, you might want to consider
"Through the laughter and the pain" for "Through the sunshine and the rain"]]> Sunday Songwriters Group KR2 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7w6-the-melody/#post-316156 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7w6-the-melody/#post-315956 Thu, 11 Dec 2008 07:40:19 +0000
Thanks so much for having a go at it...your version places a very good emphasis on the importance of relationships, which is probably a message that would be more universally appealing...as I was weighing out the different messages,the one I was leaning towards was focusing on valuing each day as a gift....so......

All our life songs
Have a measure
Through the sunshine and the rain
Learn to treasure every moment
No two days are ever the same


....but I really like your relationship angle....so...The jury is still out...but "age range" is definately out of the picture.

Thank again, Chris.

-James]]> Sunday Songwriters Group jamestoffee https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7w6-the-melody/#post-315956 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7w6-the-melody/#post-315952 Thu, 11 Dec 2008 06:00:24 +0000
I agree with Ken that the "age range" doesn't really fly, and he's come up with some other goods points. This is quite a poser, as the message is well worth getting right, yet it's hard to avoid repeating the way it's been presented before - as with Nash's " "Teach your children to believe and make a world that we can live in".

I've rather lost the thread of your original pulse now, but I tried to come up with something that could be tinkered to fit. I went for "our children" rather than "the" and tried to link it more directly with the next line. So I eventually came up with:

Live each new day
Teach our children
To sing the song of friendship
The young and old, may bear a different load,
But hands together make it light. (many voices make it light?)
(Or maybe still "But the song remains the same")

Well, it's different... but I'm not sure it's any better... :mrgreen:

Cheers,

Chris]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Chris C https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7w6-the-melody/#post-315952 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7w6-the-melody/#post-315950 Thu, 11 Dec 2008 05:30:41 +0000
#1 Connecting with the next generation
#2 and 3 are similar but focus a little different depending on the word order
#2 is saying each new day is a gift...life is short...value it
#3 is saying each new day is a gift...life is precious...value it

Your bridge is pretty good at trying to capture all of it...it's definately not easy...I will probably stick with one of the messages and rework the "age range"

Thanks again for your input.

James]]> Sunday Songwriters Group jamestoffee https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7w6-the-melody/#post-315950 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7w6-the-melody/#post-315947 Thu, 11 Dec 2008 04:21:25 +0000
From the three bridges it looks like your trying to say about three different things

Keep the song/music as we age (as the songs change)
Treasure/cherish each day/moment
Teach the children

The “age range” doesn't work. It's forcing the rhyme.
It's hard for me to get all that in five lines but if I had to it would be:

Live each new day
Sing the bad away (Sing your tears away)
Teach the children how to pray
Our days to sing are measured
Every new day (is to/should) be treasured

KR2]]> Sunday Songwriters Group KR2 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7w6-the-melody/#post-315947 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7w6-the-melody/#post-315832 Wed, 10 Dec 2008 02:10:05 +0000
"Teach the children
Let our life song be on their lips"

Meaning teach them through actions and words by sharing our lives with them... Thanks for the clarification James. I get what you meant now. I still think that it could be improved a bit - but I don't have any good suggestions at the moment.

Cheers,

Chris]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Chris C https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7w6-the-melody/#post-315832 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7w6-the-melody/#post-315823 Wed, 10 Dec 2008 00:58:17 +0000 Do you mean "short" lyrically? What aspects might need more depth? Hi James

Sorry about the comment - it was a spontaneous reaction when I saw how few verses you had compared to your Cinnamon Roll event... :oops:

I then listened to it and realised it wasn't that short after all and I liked what I heard, so please ignore the comment about it being too short - ok - it's too long... :wink: No no no don't listen honest, it's a wonderful length....

Rock on!
D 8)]]> Sunday Songwriters Group DylanBarrett https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7w6-the-melody/#post-315823 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7w6-the-melody/#post-315757 Tue, 09 Dec 2008 12:18:03 +0000
Thanks for the feedback. Teach the children what? My reaction was that if you were going to use that phrase then you might need to add something more, preferably The idea of what to teach was supposed to be in the next line...but, it might need more clarification

"Teach the children
Let our life song be on their lips"

Meaning teach them through actions and words by sharing our lives with them...The Idea for these two lines comes from the following: Writing music kind of just leaks out of who we are as songwriters...Often I hear my kids singing music I wrote...I didn't tell them they had to learn the songs...they just do it naturally because they see me doing it...music is just becoming a part of the family thing...I will always turn off the ipod in the truck in favor of hearing my kids singing...WARNING proud papa moment coming up :note1: http://www.soundclick.com/Conrads
Anyway, I see your point as well, Chris and I am open to suggestions if someone has ideas to get this idea across clearer.

Also regarding, "...Or perhaps you were inviting those associations" I don't mind the associations, but they should not overpower or kill the new song...It didn't for me, but I will be open to others' feedback if it did for them. Thanks again, Chris.
Bit short... -Dylan, thanks for your comment.
Do you mean "short" lyrically? What aspects might need more depth?
I was envisioning a song that would have an openended African/world sound which could turn into a lot of jamming/soloing
Musically, it's actually a bit long and could be really long depending on the musicians, but again the recording was just the basic structure.
Playful and thoughtful."The only line that I might play with is
"Love is always waiting for the lost and found"

:D Thanks, Ken. I reworked the one line and I think it says more of what I meant, and seems to fit better with next line "...find your voice..." Love is always waiting til the lost are found" Feedback?]]> Sunday Songwriters Group jamestoffee https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7w6-the-melody/#post-315757