https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7week22-dylan-barrett-dhodge-vic/ Guitar Noise Discussion Board en-US Thu, 04 Jun 2026 19:41:40 +0000 wpForo 60 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7week22-dylan-barrett-dhodge-vic/#post-325414 Tue, 07 Apr 2009 00:24:27 +0000
Glad you noticed the rhyme in Monopoly, Vic! Btw wrote the second chorus first :lol:

As for editing the second Cobbled Streets chorus, I like the way you incorporated the third line into the second, John... why wouldn't you keep the last two lines as they were? Syllables are (according to my count) roughly the same? So how about:

Cobbled streets and smoky chimneys
Downhill past your house remembering
Waving at the busking lad
It grows, the smile I had all morning

:D
Cheers,
straycat.]]> Sunday Songwriters Group straycat. https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7week22-dylan-barrett-dhodge-vic/#post-325414 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7week22-dylan-barrett-dhodge-vic/#post-325313 Sun, 05 Apr 2009 18:04:49 +0000
Waving at the busking lad]]> Sunday Songwriters Group stikman https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7week22-dylan-barrett-dhodge-vic/#post-325313 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7week22-dylan-barrett-dhodge-vic/#post-325213 Sat, 04 Apr 2009 01:22:22 +0000
Cobbled Streets and Smoky Chimneys

Although Classic Straycat in this case I think you really need to clean
up the meter and rhyme scheme of the second chous.

If these are meant two chorus for the same song
so it would be important that they match IMHO.

There is a lot of good imagery but I afraid you are going to have
to lose something.

Here is my feeble attempt at an edit

Cobbled streets and smoky chimneys
Downhill past your house remembering
Waving at the lad who is busking
Growing the first smile of the morning

Not quite but maybe food for thought

:note1: :note1: :note1:

John]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Celt https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7week22-dylan-barrett-dhodge-vic/#post-325213 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7week22-dylan-barrett-dhodge-vic/#post-325149 Fri, 03 Apr 2009 14:32:42 +0000
I like all three as well. :D

Cobbled Streets and Smoky Chimneys (Vic Lewis) is my favorite for now but the 2nd chorus of Monopoly Money (Dylan Barrett) is a close second....all three have their strong points.

Nice writes!
James]]> Sunday Songwriters Group jamestoffee https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7week22-dylan-barrett-dhodge-vic/#post-325149 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7week22-dylan-barrett-dhodge-vic/#post-325083 Fri, 03 Apr 2009 01:32:36 +0000
I like "Monopoly Money" too - especially the way you've managed to rhyme the last two lines of each chorus. Unusual, but effective - and will come in handy later on in the assignment!

IMO, though, "Should Know Better" is the best one of the three - they're all good, but that's the stand-out, for me. The usual imagery, you really have the knack of pulling out evocative phrases.....

"When paper birds only fly
To get stuck in the sky"......lovely stuff.

:D :D :D

Vic]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Vic Lewis VL https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7week22-dylan-barrett-dhodge-vic/#post-325083 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7week22-dylan-barrett-dhodge-vic/#post-325063 Thu, 02 Apr 2009 21:12:34 +0000
Love The Cobbled Streets one 8)

I'm writing something similar right at the moment - or, trying too anyway :roll:

Gota run -

Ken]]> Sunday Songwriters Group CitiZenNoir https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7week22-dylan-barrett-dhodge-vic/#post-325063 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7week22-dylan-barrett-dhodge-vic/#post-35556 Thu, 02 Apr 2009 21:01:09 +0000
Monopoly Money (Dylan Barrett)

You and me, this love is monopoly money
Counting our riches we laugh
Dance on the asphalt, feet bare and arms out
Flout weather reports

You and me, this love is monopoly money
But neither of us will laugh
When they'll take our streets, say it wasn't real, now
Be a good sport

Should know better (David Hodge)

Say I should know better
When the sun goes up
And down goes my luck
When paper birds only fly
To get stuck in the sky

Say I should know better
When the signs say go
And the heart stays put
When, with breath on hold,
I keep piling up my hope

Cobbled Streets and Smoky Chimneys (Vic Lewis)

Cobbled streets and smoky chimneys
Walking slowly past the abbey
With a sense that being lonely
Is the best way to spend the morning

Cobbled streets and smoky chimneys
Ambling downhill past your house
With a flicker of a memory
Waving at the busking lad
It grows, the smile I had all morning

See, the last one is a bit uneven as far as lines go, but I liked the busking lad and the memory;-) And the smile had to be in, too :D Maybe "growing, the smile..." or "growing the smile I had all morning"...?? hmmm just realized that the cobbled streets one sounds more like verses to me than like a chorus :D

Cheerio,
straycat.]]> Sunday Songwriters Group straycat. https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7week22-dylan-barrett-dhodge-vic/#post-35556