https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7week31-june-7th/ Guitar Noise Discussion Board en-US Thu, 04 Jun 2026 10:28:58 +0000 wpForo 60 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7week31-june-7th/#post-331173 Thu, 11 Jun 2009 15:01:50 +0000 I am truly sorry for writing intimidating lyrics! Hope you do know I don't mean to, that is, I don't over-compliucate on purpose and it always makes sense to myself so that I may sometimes forget the reader :oops: I wouldn't go as far as to apologize :?

Well as far as the rewrite, I am more curious as to how you feel about it...It looks like you are really trying to do something different with this song than any past posts I've seen from you.....I would say often you do a terrific job of showing an emotion rather than telling....this one reads a bit too much like telling what the singer is thinking instead of showing.....but it could be working.... at this point the music and how it is sung would make a big difference as to what other adjustments might need to be made....I am not sure this is making sense either :? .... I guess what I am trying to say is I want to encourage you to stretch yourself and be yourself at the same time.... :roll: I'll let you figure out the details on how to do that :wink:

James]]> Sunday Songwriters Group jamestoffee https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7week31-june-7th/#post-331173 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7week31-june-7th/#post-330944 Tue, 09 Jun 2009 19:21:28 +0000

Straycat,

I must say that during my hiatus, your lyrics have been one of the (many) things I have really missed about this place. I'll confess I don't always fully understand them (this one is much easier for me to follow than your earlier work I have read), but they're always unique and thought-provoking with some sublime imagery. Glad you're still around to delight me!

I'm gonna agree that the line about June 7th ending on August 11th being very powerful.

And props for liking Bright Eyes (he's kewl).



See? I told you I'm linguistically inconsistent all the time, didn't I? Innit. :wink:]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Scrybe https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7week31-june-7th/#post-330944 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7week31-june-7th/#post-330822 Mon, 08 Jun 2009 14:30:35 +0000
Oh my, you got me :oops: Yes, definitely agree with you on the language consistency thing! Didn't occur to me :oops: Definitely back to "pretend" there :DA nd the "gosh darn" was me forgetting to put a dot in "goddam.n" though it still wants replacement I think :wink:
As for "take this weight off of me", it was supposed to be a quote, but I just realized that I messed it up, as well. So it's really "take this weight away" and refers to the song "Black Comedy" by Bright Eyes about people lost and "coffins dropped into the earth" being "the saddest sound we ever heard" :wink: Well, I meant the weight of the past but who says it won't manifest in pounds around stomachs :wink:

I am truly sorry for writing intimidating lyrics! Hope you do know I don't mean to, that is, I don't over-compliucate on purpose and it always makes sense to myself so that I may sometimes forget the reader :oops:

Ah, Vic, I wish I still were in Cardiff.... it's grand! Loved "The Lake" and almost got to see "Mary Poppins" :D In fact, I only visited a friend up there and that was for like a week back in March :wink: Therefore, I'm sorry to disappoint you, I cannot speak one single Welsh word and have not improved my English at all....on the contrary, it feels like it has suffered in Sweden :wink: However, I do plan on another term abroad, this time somewhere in the UK or Ireland. We'll see when/how that works out :)

Just made some small changes so far, but how's this:

June 7th

Thank God for caller ID
I ain't gonna answer the phone anymore
If it's your friends again
I cannot pretend we're on speaking terms
After twenty-two months' silence
And one night's embarrassment
No, if they wanna stay for the night
There must be a hostel somewhere in this city

There must be a way around buying breakfast
For half-strangers
And swaying in stores with a headache
Of a memory

We say mirrors we say “take this weight away”
I say I ain't gonna sing no more song about July 2nd
No, July 2nd ended on August 11th
Two years wasted, oh, to the years wasted

I sure hope this year will be like last year
So I won't even think of your hand in mine
In a tent up north on July 2nd
It's almost half a decade ago and I like to think I've moved on

See, only Tuesday I spoke someone else's language
But tough he grinned just like I knew
I left without asking if I could follow him home
To Gothenburg because
July 2nd ended on August 11th

Well, I'm gonna find me a new date to think of
Because July 2nd still gives me the creeps
And August 11th still has all the potential to behead me.

Thank you for your helpful comments!
Cheers,
straycat.]]> Sunday Songwriters Group straycat. https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7week31-june-7th/#post-330822 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7week31-june-7th/#post-330791 Mon, 08 Jun 2009 04:38:08 +0000
Not too sure about this line...."I cannot feign we're on speaking terms" - the simpler "pretend" would probably read, and sound, better than "feign."

That apart, this reads pretty well - I'm finding it slightly more accessible than some of your songs. If you do have a fault, it's a slight tendency to over-complicate - your grasp of imagery is excellent, but sometimes it can be a little overpowering, even intimidating to the casual reader.

Hey Anne, are you still in Cardiff? How are they treating you down there? Seems to me you're already picking up something of the Welsh way of speaking...."See, only Tuesday I spoke someone else's language"... hope it's all going well for you. I bet you've not only improved your English, but you're also half way to speaking fluent Welsh by now! Don't know if I mentioned it, but my Dad's family were from Cardiff originally - Lewis is one of the most common Welsh surnames. That's definitely me - I've always been common!

(You might have to look that one up in a slang dictionary.....)

:D :D :D

Vic]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Vic Lewis VL https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7week31-june-7th/#post-330791 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7week31-june-7th/#post-330785 Mon, 08 Jun 2009 03:11:38 +0000
It's looking good :D I really like the line "July 2nd ended on August 11th "

Suggestion:
Make the vocabulary more consistent.
The mix of vocabulary makes the singer unbelievable. For example:
I ain't gonna answer the phone anymore
If it's your friends again
I cannot feign we're on speaking terms
"gosh darn hostel" -sticks out a bit awkward as well...I don't know if you have ever seen the cartoon The Simpsons, but this sounds like what the character "Ned Flanders" would say.

Question: Does this mean gaining weight from eating too much because of depression?
We say mirrors we say “take this weight off of me”

James]]> Sunday Songwriters Group jamestoffee https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7week31-june-7th/#post-330785 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7week31-june-7th/#post-36226 Sun, 07 Jun 2009 22:17:28 +0000
June 7th

Thank God for caller ID
I ain't gonna answer the phone anymore
If it's your friends again
I cannot feign we're on speaking terms
After twenty-two months' silence
And one night's embarrassment
No, if they wanna stay for the night
There must be a goddamn hostel somewhere in this city

There must be a way around buying breakfast for half-strangers
and swaying in supermarkets with a headache of a memory

We say mirrors we say “take this weight off of me”
I say I ain't gonna sing no more song about July 2nd
No, July 2nd ended on August 11th
Two years wasted, oh, to the years wasted

I sure hope that this year will be like last year
So I won't even think of your hand in mine
In a tent up north on July 2nd it is
Almost half a decade ago and I like to think I've moved on

See, only Tuesday I spoke someone else's language
And although he grinned just like I knew
I left without asking if I could follow him home
To Gothenburg because
July 2nd ended on August 11th

Well, I'm gonna find me a new date to think of
Because July 2nd still gives me the creeps
And August 11th still has all the potential to behead me

Or, as Anders Wendin put it,"the future's always messed up by my past" :D
.. the "We say mirrors" bit could be a chorus maybe... to be repeated between the last two bits..
Cheers,
straycat.]]> Sunday Songwriters Group straycat. https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y7week31-june-7th/#post-36226