https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y8-week-23-sydney/ Guitar Noise Discussion Board en-US Thu, 04 Jun 2026 16:28:01 +0000 wpForo 60 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y8-week-23-sydney/#post-351459 Sat, 17 Apr 2010 18:05:03 +0000
Thanks straycat!! Really great comment there.

Your misunderstanding is actually quite a funny one, I'm gonna have to revisit this one and see if I can get a melody to it. Wrote the lyrics before the music so I still don't have chords... hmm...

Haha, I like the idea of the buildup to the last three stanzas, thanks :)

Jay]]> Sunday Songwriters Group jaythejoker https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y8-week-23-sydney/#post-351459 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y8-week-23-sydney/#post-351455 Sat, 17 Apr 2010 17:34:42 +0000 And now I know the power of her call
Cause every time I make an introduction
Each man she meets seems to fall Love that verse! Especially the last two lines (no trouble understanding them, I think.. wouldn't change them at all).
In my first swift reading, I mistook "her powers of seduction" for "her poems of seduction" ... :wink: but it's not bad, is it?
"Poems" like: I know them by heart now, I have seen many of these stories from beginning to end (fits the last two lines, as well)..

Oh and the beginning, too! Find me a dirty river
So I can wash away my pride :D Great that it's a dirty river, not a clean one.

I don't think this is too disconnected :wink: (I imagine the last 4 stanzas to be sung out to the stars :wink: or, at least the 3rd to be aimed at the stars and the remaining 3 to explain the sentiments of the first 3)

Thanks for sharing!
Cheers,
straycat.]]> Sunday Songwriters Group straycat. https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y8-week-23-sydney/#post-351455 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y8-week-23-sydney/#post-350921 Thu, 08 Apr 2010 03:07:51 +0000
Thanks Pbee, good suggestion.
I was actually wondering how to connect it together a bit more, so that could work.]]> Sunday Songwriters Group jaythejoker https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y8-week-23-sydney/#post-350921 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y8-week-23-sydney/#post-350810 Wed, 07 Apr 2010 02:46:43 +0000 Good start here. I am having a little trouble though relating the first 3 verses to the last 3. Are you saying that before Sydney was built there was just a river mouth and a shoreline ? Is so then I think I would change V3 to connect them altogether along the lines of “And now that I have found her …”. Other than that disconnect its looking pretty good to my mind.
Cheers
Paul]]> Sunday Songwriters Group pbee https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y8-week-23-sydney/#post-350810 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y8-week-23-sydney/#post-350769 Tue, 06 Apr 2010 19:22:30 +0000
Thanks James :)

This song looks so much better than it did at 2am, how strange.

Hmm, the last line might have been a bit much too soon then haha, I think it needs another verse to sort that out perhaps.
Basically was going for the idea that each man that is introduced to (the city), seems to fall for (the city). Clarified? Maybe I can set up a 'rivals for her affection' verse?

Re: P.s. Always great to hear that. This time I wrote more verses than usual and scrapped some of the worse/irrelevant ones. I don't usually like being tied down to a theme, I mean even in this the first verse diverges into pride/confusion/searching, but I tried this time to link it back each time, so it was just a short day trip away from my main point. :P]]> Sunday Songwriters Group jaythejoker https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y8-week-23-sydney/#post-350769 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y8-week-23-sydney/#post-350730 Tue, 06 Apr 2010 06:50:39 +0000
Good start. I'm liking this one. :D I followed suit as well with the personification route.

Suggestion:
The last line seems a climax, but I don't understand what it means "Each man she meets seems to fall" It would be great if you could clarify this....Maybe you could do some foreshadowing earlier in the song so the meaning doesn't have to be spelled out in only one line.

James

P.S. You last two lyrics seem to have good improvements....more focused and succinct. Are you noticing any changes or trying some different approaches?]]> Sunday Songwriters Group jamestoffee https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y8-week-23-sydney/#post-350730 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y8-week-23-sydney/#post-38851 Sun, 04 Apr 2010 18:09:34 +0000 I was kinda inspired by the song Georgia, if you get my reference?
Hope you like :)

Find me a dirty river
So I can wash away my pride
And swim through the currents
Of an ever twisting life

Find me a distant shoreline
One devoid of life
So I can sing out to the stars
On every summer night

When will I ever find her
And even if I do
Will she be what I imagine
Will she love me too?

Sydney,
She calls to me at night
She pulls me ever closer
Cause she longs to hold me tight

Sydney,
She knows about what's right
I love to see her shimmer
I love when she is bright

And now I know her powers of seduction
And now I know the power of her call
Cause every time I make an introduction
Each man she meets seems to fall]]> Sunday Songwriters Group jaythejoker https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y8-week-23-sydney/#post-38851