https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y8week6-2009/ Guitar Noise Discussion Board en-US Thu, 04 Jun 2026 08:38:17 +0000 wpForo 60 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y8week6-2009/#post-345582 Sun, 03 Jan 2010 22:14:27 +0000
Cheers,
straycat.]]> Sunday Songwriters Group straycat. https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y8week6-2009/#post-345582 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y8week6-2009/#post-344878 Sun, 20 Dec 2009 22:01:07 +0000
what a great journey that was, thanks for sharing. In terms of your writing I thought this piece had a good balance between abstraction and reality which enabled the reader to be led but also enabled their mind wander around the thread without losing their place, well done. In terms of a song, yes I would agree that there is a lot more than 1 song in here and you would need to choose only part of it and change its structure to make it work.


cheers
Paul]]> Sunday Songwriters Group pbee https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y8week6-2009/#post-344878 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y8week6-2009/#post-344870 Sun, 20 Dec 2009 16:56:53 +0000 Sunday Songwriters Group jamestoffee https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y8week6-2009/#post-344870 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y8week6-2009/#post-344867 Sun, 20 Dec 2009 16:50:27 +0000 have you ever considered starting off with one simplistic phrase or line and try to always keep coming back to it? Indeed, I have... and I have done that, too. I don't know what it is with me these past few weeks... so much going on in my head and too busy to write down each bit into lyrics at the time it's bugging me... so that it all pours out of my pen when I finally do settle down to write... so ten different beginnings for a song become one song, I guess :lol:

Well, now that it's all out, next week's song might finally be easier to handle again :D

Thank you very much for your comment!
Cheers,
straycat.]]> Sunday Songwriters Group straycat. https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y8week6-2009/#post-344867 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y8week6-2009/#post-344865 Sun, 20 Dec 2009 16:39:03 +0000
You always take me to places I've never been...and they have always been there, but I never get there without you....sounds almost like a song in the making :wink:
Three places I call home, but I still live most happily alone
Four friends in one city, but we never meet
They say, we say, but we never do
And I have looked forward to us all being here again
And, see, next year I'll be gone
So, come on, let's be young, I exclaim For me, this has the strongest idea closest to a chorus to wrap a song around....especially the first line :D
But I'm still waiting for that lemon tree to grow in my kitchen sink drain
And no cherry tree has yet sprouted from my stomach like they predicted that it would I like this idea too, to build a song around the idea of wive's tales or superstitions or urban legends to a singer saying it never happened...until it did....kind of like Alanis Morissette's - Ironic

....the other verses....seem a bit more random, but each makes sense in it's own verse....You really do a great job at "showing" an emotion instead of "telling"....there are so many images....have you ever considered starting off with one simplistic phrase or line and try to always keep coming back to it?....many of your posts are overflowing with imagery...and that's a good thing....it just seems a touch of simplified outline/structure would help bridge over from poetry to lyrics....if it's not making sense, no worries....keep them coming....like I said....You always take me to places I've never been...and they have always been there, but I never get there without you...and that's a good thing :wink:]]> Sunday Songwriters Group jamestoffee https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y8week6-2009/#post-344865 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y8week6-2009/#post-38057 Sun, 20 Dec 2009 15:11:33 +0000 For some kind of musical guidance, imagine the melody of Hello Saferide's "2008" (whom I obviously was inspired by and, as a thank you, modelled my first line on :wink: )

2009

There is fear in all the heads and there is fear in mine, as well
But I'm still waiting for that lemon tree to grow in my kitchen sink drain
And no cherry tree has yet sprouted from my stomach like they predicted that it would

Julia is reliving the nights next to a DJ in a high rise,
Tosses in bed till 4 am and is woken before noon
She keeps me awake, too, with a guitar and a TV set
Till I drag myself to bed two hours past midnight and three past my bedtime
Well, but I still get up at 9 am with all my ambitious plans
At my heels with eyes like that dog's in the tram, sad and dignified
Waiting to be set free or put on a leash and walked in the rational air of morning

Peter wants me to work on the boat three days before Christmas,
But time's worth more than money to me right now,
Still I can see myself crossing out more hours of sleep
Just to help keep it afloat
Is this what it feels like to be loyal
Is this what it feels like to be loyal
I can't say no to you

And in a year, I'll be like my father
Or I'll have lost it completely
I lie awake remembering things to add to my lists
I think the moment would be now
To decide to level and miss out
But I never do it, I, I just push through

Though I've counted my cards since last winter
I avoided a conversational trap only this weekend
And haven't pointed out my house to any more strangers at bus stations
Or given my number to any more men whom I never was interested in
Though I gave my mail address to a creep on a Berlin bus

And I still go to concerts at the height of my low
Waiting two hours cross-legged till the band comes on
Till I'm up against a wall for support and barely can
Tap my feet or move my lips to my favourite song
Then I cycle home in the rain with a stubborn dynamo

But I missed three beloved bands for stupid responsible reasons
Oh, come on, let's be young, is what Frank said

I learned some songs, but only because you told me my timing's off
I wrote some melodies, but they're still tedious and my book
Is still but a note at the bottom of my drawer
And some ambiguous friends are still not sketched in
On the map of where all the mines lie
I have always sucked at the virtual version of this game
So why should things be any different in real life

My brother, he moved south and we'll see each other even less than before
So I guess I won't get to know him any better now and his children,
They're too far away to take out to the playground
Or to the cinema or to be any good friend to

Three places I call home, but I still live most happily alone
Four friends in one city, but we never meet
They say, we say, but we never do
And I have looked forward to us all being here again
And, see, next year I'll be gone
So, come on, let's be young, I exclaim

There is fear in all the heads and there is fear in mine, as well
But I'm still waiting for that lemon tree to grow in my kitchen sink drain

Any feedback appreciated!
Cheers,
starycat.]]> Sunday Songwriters Group straycat. https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y8week6-2009/#post-38057