https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y9-w2-bonus-song-paradise-waltz-mp3-added-1-29-12/ Guitar Noise Discussion Board en-US Fri, 05 Jun 2026 09:43:36 +0000 wpForo 60 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y9-w2-bonus-song-paradise-waltz-mp3-added-1-29-12/#post-372202 Tue, 31 Jan 2012 16:02:13 +0000 I may submit a couple to Kerrville for their annual contest.]]> Sunday Songwriters Group John Sargent https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y9-w2-bonus-song-paradise-waltz-mp3-added-1-29-12/#post-372202 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y9-w2-bonus-song-paradise-waltz-mp3-added-1-29-12/#post-372196 Tue, 31 Jan 2012 10:40:44 +0000
Nice delivery :D Your voice works well with story-telling songs; switching back and forth between melodies and spoken word.

Thanks for sharing.

James]]> Sunday Songwriters Group jamestoffee https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y9-w2-bonus-song-paradise-waltz-mp3-added-1-29-12/#post-372196 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y9-w2-bonus-song-paradise-waltz-mp3-added-1-29-12/#post-372177 Mon, 30 Jan 2012 03:54:47 +0000 I like the story line and it holds and links to the placement of all three choruses, you might have more rework if you take out the second chorus. Repeating a variation of a rhyme (I didn't even notice the 'an rhyme) is no big deal, it works in the song.
Andy]]> Sunday Songwriters Group andygetch https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y9-w2-bonus-song-paradise-waltz-mp3-added-1-29-12/#post-372177 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y9-w2-bonus-song-paradise-waltz-mp3-added-1-29-12/#post-372170 Sun, 29 Jan 2012 19:08:52 +0000 http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=11401102]]> Sunday Songwriters Group John Sargent https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y9-w2-bonus-song-paradise-waltz-mp3-added-1-29-12/#post-372170 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y9-w2-bonus-song-paradise-waltz-mp3-added-1-29-12/#post-361412 Sat, 04 Dec 2010 19:54:40 +0000
Please let me know what you think of the changes.

1) I changed the first verse in the first, second, fifth and sixth lines

2) Originally, I had the chorus after each verse, the chorus now three times. Should I cut it back to only twice, after the first verse and at the end?

3) I changed the word "plans" appeared in the secone and third verse. I changed the rhyme in verse two to avoid monotony. Both verses still use the 'an rhyme, is this too awkward?

4) Chorus changed in lines two, six and eight. I feel that the word "love" has to appear in this song. It is a love story after all.


Paradise Waltz

George saw Sally's beautiful eyes
At a stop on the Westchester line
Drawn in and captured by their gleam
June 5th of ‘25
An afternoon free for this office girl
Meant there was time for the park
George planned to see the Cubs play ball
But approached her and made this remark

(chorus)

Would you like to go and waltz with me
At the Paradise Ballroom today
The Paradise, I've been told
Will help me to steal your heart away
It's one two three, Oom Pah Pah. One tow three, spin
You're everything in my sight
One two three, Oom Pah Pah. One two three twirl
Fall in love with me tonight


George told Sally's father
That he would like to wed
“You're that fool dancing boy”
Is what her father said
“Go get a job and come back again
When's there's honest dirt on your hands”
George said “I'm a bakers apprentice
I'm a hard working man”


They were married in '28
Before the Depression began
Not knowing what was coming
They went ahead with their plans
It was a beautiful wedding
Eyes were filled with tears
They danced their wedding waltz
To the music of the spheres

(chorus)

People still eat bread
In bad economies
The Wagners kept a roof for their heads
And built their family
The children came, a boy, a girl
Then twins, George said “enough”
The kids all grown and done with school
Life really wasn't too rough


Fire brought the Paradise down
In September of ‘72
They saw it on the evening news
Chicago, channel 2
Sally held George and cried aloud
“Is this the end of romance?”
George looked into her beautiful eyes
And asked if she wanted to dance.

(chorus)]]> Sunday Songwriters Group John Sargent https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y9-w2-bonus-song-paradise-waltz-mp3-added-1-29-12/#post-361412 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y9-w2-bonus-song-paradise-waltz-mp3-added-1-29-12/#post-360809 Sun, 14 Nov 2010 18:55:55 +0000 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Illinois_%28album%29]]> Sunday Songwriters Group jamestoffee https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y9-w2-bonus-song-paradise-waltz-mp3-added-1-29-12/#post-360809 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y9-w2-bonus-song-paradise-waltz-mp3-added-1-29-12/#post-360806 Sun, 14 Nov 2010 18:47:21 +0000 Now to research "Elvis in Chicago".]]> Sunday Songwriters Group John Sargent https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y9-w2-bonus-song-paradise-waltz-mp3-added-1-29-12/#post-360806 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y9-w2-bonus-song-paradise-waltz-mp3-added-1-29-12/#post-360805 Sun, 14 Nov 2010 18:12:43 +0000 "Fire brought the Paradise down"

The change part of the assignment is covered here :wink:

Actually, the lyrics did strike a chord with me as the church sanctuary my wife and I were married at 11 years ago was torn down 3 years ago to make way for a more modern multi-functional church type facility. In practicality, the new building is much better in serving the needs of the church members now, but it was a sentimental tug to watch the old sanctuary being torn down :( Well at least we still have our marriage :P

.....on to Elvis 8)]]> Sunday Songwriters Group jamestoffee https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y9-w2-bonus-song-paradise-waltz-mp3-added-1-29-12/#post-360805 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y9-w2-bonus-song-paradise-waltz-mp3-added-1-29-12/#post-360803 Sun, 14 Nov 2010 15:43:52 +0000
I've done further edits on the song but haven't updated it here. I don't have a problem with the today/tonight crisis. Poetic license I guess. I have removed the "diapers changed" line so technically the song no longer is about "change"

When Sally asks "Is this the end of romance" Ironically, the answer is yes. It seems that no one writes romantic dance songs about romance.

Years ago, there was a TV program called "Sing Along with Mitch". A male chorus sang syrupy songs like "The Band Played On" while a bouncing ball moved over the on screen lyrics. This was the type of song I was after.

Looking forward to week 3.]]> Sunday Songwriters Group John Sargent https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y9-w2-bonus-song-paradise-waltz-mp3-added-1-29-12/#post-360803 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y9-w2-bonus-song-paradise-waltz-mp3-added-1-29-12/#post-360798 Sun, 14 Nov 2010 12:24:55 +0000
I appreciate your attention to details in your songwriting :wink:
Music of the spheres I get now, but the other question I had wasn't about the locations, it was about the time frame.....Was he spontaneously asking her to go dance right then, or asking her to dance with him that night?.....technically tonight is still part of today.....I guess the assumption would be he's asking her out to meet him at night since there most likely would not have been people dancing in the hall in the day time.

The singer sounds like a similar character to the main character in the movie Life is Beautiful.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=16RZHqCIy9M
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Y9aKqawdUQ&NR=1
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Life_Is_Beautiful]]> Sunday Songwriters Group jamestoffee https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y9-w2-bonus-song-paradise-waltz-mp3-added-1-29-12/#post-360798