https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y9w16-breakin-in/ Guitar Noise Discussion Board en-US Thu, 04 Jun 2026 19:00:58 +0000 wpForo 60 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y9w16-breakin-in/#post-363884 Sat, 19 Feb 2011 17:10:00 +0000 Did the story spring from your imagination? I thought so...but maybe not...everything is borrowed from somewhere. I think I was influenced about an Oh Henry story I read a few weeks ago. Where the guy gets thrown in prison for hitting someone and seems fine to stay there.
http://www.readbookonline.net/stories/Henry/108/
I can't remember which one right now


Thanks for the listen and post.

James]]> Sunday Songwriters Group jamestoffee https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y9w16-breakin-in/#post-363884 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y9w16-breakin-in/#post-363883 Sat, 19 Feb 2011 15:47:03 +0000 Did the story spring from your imagination?]]> Sunday Songwriters Group John Sargent https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y9w16-breakin-in/#post-363883 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y9w16-breakin-in/#post-363873 Sat, 19 Feb 2011 09:42:00 +0000
Pen striped suit, pen pals and my own bed......Then "pen pals" can mean friends in the prison or people he writes to from prison.]]> Sunday Songwriters Group jamestoffee https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y9w16-breakin-in/#post-363873 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y9w16-breakin-in/#post-363871 Sat, 19 Feb 2011 08:11:28 +0000 I don't think it gets much better than that, but the new shoes following it is a little plain jane in comparison.]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Melody https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y9w16-breakin-in/#post-363871 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y9w16-breakin-in/#post-363868 Sat, 19 Feb 2011 06:16:36 +0000
Pen striped suit, new shoes and my own bed
or
Pin stripped clothes, new shoes and my own bed
or
Pen stripped clothes, new shoes and my own bed
or
Matching suit, new shoes and my own bed
or
Matching clothes, new shoes and my own bed
or
Brand new clothes, some shoes and my own bed
or
Brand new clothes with shoes and my own bed
or
Shower, soap, new clothes and my own bed



***POOF change made :mrgreen: ******
Feedback?]]> Sunday Songwriters Group jamestoffee https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y9w16-breakin-in/#post-363868 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y9w16-breakin-in/#post-363867 Sat, 19 Feb 2011 06:12:00 +0000
Great song though! :)]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Melody https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y9w16-breakin-in/#post-363867 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y9w16-breakin-in/#post-363864 Sat, 19 Feb 2011 04:34:23 +0000
I really like this a lot. Nice job on the assignment and nice production work, too.

My only thought is that the second line of the second verse:

Matching clothes with bars and my own bed

Comes across a bit odd. I get what you're trying to say (and it may just be me) but I'd always associated bars on the windows and stripes on the clothes. So it seems that the line is a little forced. Not quite sure how to tweak it, but I'll try put some thought into it.

Very enjoyable and I'm looking forward to more.

Peace]]> Sunday Songwriters Group David Hodge https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y9w16-breakin-in/#post-363864 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y9w16-breakin-in/#post-363863 Sat, 19 Feb 2011 04:22:36 +0000
Thanks for the listen and post :D

James]]> Sunday Songwriters Group jamestoffee https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y9w16-breakin-in/#post-363863 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y9w16-breakin-in/#post-363862 Sat, 19 Feb 2011 04:18:47 +0000
The music and melody seem to fit very well for something from way back then. I really have nothing to say as far as constructive criticism, it seems to work well. I enjoyed listening to it, nice job. :)

Oh, I just have to add - this sounded like it came right out an old radio! LOL Now, how much you did that on purpose, and how much was due to my real lousy speakers, I don't know, but it made it all the more authentic!]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Melody https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y9w16-breakin-in/#post-363862 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y9w16-breakin-in/#post-40804 Fri, 18 Feb 2011 12:54:21 +0000
http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=10294598

=========REVISED VERSION============
Can't find work; haven't eaten for days
Living on the street nothing more to say
Something's gone wrong with this entire nation
I just need a little incarceration

Chorus
I'm breakin' in cause I'm tired of being cold
I'm breakin' in these clothes are ragged and old
I'm breakin' in 'til the streets are safe again
I've been broke down and out now I'm breakin' in

Three square meals and a roof above my head
Pen stripped suit, pen pals and my own bed
License plates to show my appreciation
I just need a little incarceration

chorus

solo

chorus

I'll read a lot of books from beginning to end
Hear exciting stories and make new friends
Even now I sense the anticipation
I just need a little incarceration

chorus

=========ORIGINAL VERSION==========
Can't find work; haven't eaten for days
Living on the street nothing more to say
Something's gone wrong with this entire nation
I just need a little incarceration

Chorus
I'm breakin' in cause I'm tired of being cold
I'm breakin' in these clothes are ragged and old
I'm breakin' in 'til the streets are safe again
I've been broke down and out now I'm breakin' in

Three square meals and a roof above my head
Matching clothes with bars and my own bed
License plates to show my appreciation
I just need a little incarceration

chorus

solo

chorus

I'll read a lot of books from beginning to end
Hear exciting stories and make new friends
Even now I sense the anticipation
I just need a little incarceration

chorus]]> Sunday Songwriters Group jamestoffee https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y9w16-breakin-in/#post-40804