https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y9w2-love-war/ Guitar Noise Discussion Board en-US Thu, 04 Jun 2026 16:26:56 +0000 wpForo 60 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y9w2-love-war/#post-360808 Sun, 14 Nov 2010 18:52:14 +0000 Sunday Songwriters Group jamestoffee https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y9w2-love-war/#post-360808 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y9w2-love-war/#post-360792 Sun, 14 Nov 2010 02:39:02 +0000
Thanks for the listen and feedback :D
Seems long to me. I agree it feels "heavy" to me...It makes me appreciate how Diane Warren can do key changes in her songs and not have that long/heavy effect.
This article
http://www.soundonsound.com/sos/aug08/articles/warren.htm
has some great information on her songwriting and some "Case Studies" at the end of the article on how she does her key changes. I purposefully didn't read the details or listen to other songs with key changes b/c I just wanted to try it by feel, but to make the key changes "fit" it added length.
I think the Green Day reference is interesting since you mention our fathers wars in the beginning and the quote has significance in your song I think. I do not think the Green Day melody adds to your song though. I had the music first on this song then fit the lyrics....it came to me that the familiar music was Green Day so I read and listened to their song again and the idea that came across to me was the singer wants to not deal with pain in his life, so idea-wise that section is the Valkyrie wooing the warrior and telling him to stop fighting, give up the pain of this life....she wanted to take him away to something better .......

......but in all for me, music is more about feeling than thinking and feeling should outweigh thinking....I appreciate you letting me know it didn't connect for you. :wink:

James]]> Sunday Songwriters Group jamestoffee https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y9w2-love-war/#post-360792 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y9w2-love-war/#post-360777 Sat, 13 Nov 2010 18:20:10 +0000
I like the 70's funk feel in the start and then the instrumentation change is a great surprise. I think this version is cool lyrically and the mythology references are interesting.

Seems long to me. I think the Green Day reference is interesting since you mention our fathers wars in the beginning and the quote has significance in your song I think. I do not think the Green Day melody adds to your song though.

Nice job.

Ernie]]> Sunday Songwriters Group stikman https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y9w2-love-war/#post-360777 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y9w2-love-war/#post-360774 Sat, 13 Nov 2010 16:22:43 +0000
Thanks for the listen, post and confirmation. :D

Cheers.

James]]> Sunday Songwriters Group jamestoffee https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y9w2-love-war/#post-360774 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y9w2-love-war/#post-360772 Sat, 13 Nov 2010 10:36:10 +0000
Hey Dave and Paul,
does "grey matter" work here? the "grey matter" line I'm not so sure on. I'm not locked in on that one. Just for clarity's sake, the grey matter is the brain- so I was trying to think of another way of saying the cliches
My heart skips a beat -My heart is aflutter
I get butterflies in my stomach- My insides melt and sputter
I can't think straight- My grey matter stutters
"Thoughts of war in tatters" This is close to the idea, but I was trying to communicate the singer looses his focus during the war
How about:
My singing sword starts to stutter
Every time she calls my name
or
My singing sword stutters
Every time she calls my name
or
"I could want no other"
Every time I hear her sing
or
"I could love no other"
Every time I hear her sing
or
"All my focus shattered"
Every time I hear her sing
or
"Nothing seems to matter"
Every time I hear her sing
or
"My banner's ripped and tattered"
Every time I hear her sing
I'm not really certain the final instrumental bit does......the music doesn't match up to that scenario. I'm probably reading way too much into it! :wink: I was probably assuming too much and just trying to do something unexpected and abrupt to end it. For me, the piano riff sound like a cabaret, que se ra, se, ra feel or Dada
"Many Dadaists believed that the 'reason' and 'logic' of bourgeois capitalist society had led people into war. They expressed their rejection of that ideology in artistic expression that appeared to reject logic and embrace chaos and irrationality."
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dada

I was trying to leave the ending a bit open ended if the warrior gave in to the Valkyrie.
It's the dichotomy to be a great warrior one has to want to live and fight skillfully; but the skilled fighters are the one's chosen for Valhalla....
...I see a similar situation in the Christian faith when Jesus says you have to give up your life to save your life
http://bible.cc/matthew/16-25.htm
.....and the idea of Heaven being a more wonderful experience than earth, but in the Bible one is never told to commit suicide to get to Heaven faster.
.....Marriage seems to work that way as well; the more two individuals give of themselves to the marriage relationship, the stronger they are as a couple.

....does all that come across in a 2 measure piano riff?.....probably not :lol: I'm probably reading way too much into it! :wink: Me, too :lol:

Thanks for listen and post, guys :D

My "grey matter" is open for more feedback regarding the "grey matter" matter :P
James

****POOF Grey matter out...singing sword in :mrgreen: ****]]> Sunday Songwriters Group jamestoffee https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y9w2-love-war/#post-360772 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y9w2-love-war/#post-360768 Sat, 13 Nov 2010 04:28:12 +0000 the contrast between the war like language and the romantic language works for me although the "grey matter" line I'm not so sure on. Maybe some thing like:

"Thoughts of war in tatters"

love the Green Day reference by the way.

cheers

Paul]]> Sunday Songwriters Group pbee https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y9w2-love-war/#post-360768 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y9w2-love-war/#post-360767 Sat, 13 Nov 2010 03:47:34 +0000
Some typical nitpicky questions - does "grey matter" work here? The first two listens I thought no. Then the next six I was okay but the last three I was back in the no camp again. Part of it, I suspect, is that I'm having a hard time getting a handle on the narrator. He's very poetic for a warrior ("aflutter") but there have been countless poet warriors before, particularly when it comes to song. And the imagery alternates between the Valkyrie symbolism, the rivetingly warlike material ("with eyes locked on me") and the mundane day to day ("it's give and take and a little bit more").

The music is dreamy and romantic and mysterious, which works well - although I'm not really certain the final instrumental bit does. I'm taking it as a musical expression that the narrator has indeed chosen to go to Valhalla to prepare for Ragnarok, but (at least in my ear) the music doesn't match up to that scenario. I'm probably reading way too much into it! :wink:

I like it a lot! But I'm also still kind of thinking my way through this one, James, and probably will for some time! As much as I like it there are bits and pieces that I'm not quite sure work and I honestly can't even say why I think that. It's more feeling than rational and that's not very helpful. Sorry. I'll work through it some more and try to be more constructive. I may end up listening to this quite a bit this weekend!

Looking forward to more!

Peace]]> Sunday Songwriters Group David Hodge https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y9w2-love-war/#post-360767 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y9w2-love-war/#post-360761 Sat, 13 Nov 2010 00:23:32 +0000
This section reminds me of a British Invasion era band:
Do you love me she asks
With eyes locked on me
I'll wake you up when September ends

I'll sing a swan song for you, dear
I've come to take you to Valhalla's doors
All is fair in love and war

I have never recorder one of my songs. As I explained to the horror of the song circle last week, I've always had voices in my head, I just started writing them dowm 3 months ago.

I relly need to figure out a method of recording/ I thought maybe I would get Mrs Worm to videotape me singing and put it on YouTube. Bad idea?]]> Sunday Songwriters Group John Sargent https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y9w2-love-war/#post-360761 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y9w2-love-war/#post-40225 Fri, 12 Nov 2010 22:26:34 +0000
http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=9867892

======REVISED VERSION=======

Draw the line
My father's enemies must die
Years of war
Started long before

I see them now
Valkyries fly through the sky
Hark now I hear the siren's battle cry

My heart is aflutter
My insides melt and sputter
My singing sword starts to stutter
Every time she calls my name

I came to fight
Not to fall in love and die
She looks my way
As if I have something to say

Swan feathers
Give her flight
Death's a doorway to delight

My heart is aflutter
My insides melt and sputter
My singing sword starts to stutter
Every time she calls my name

And when she calls me
Oooo
And when she calls me
All is fair in love and war
It's give and take and a little bit more

Do you love me she asks
With eyes locked on me
I'll wake you up when September ends

I'll sing a swan song for you, dear
I've come to take you to Valhalla's doors
All is fair in love and war


I came to fight
Not to fall in love and die
She looks my way
As if I have something to say

Raven beauty
I am only flesh and bone
Many a kingdom overthrown

My heart is aflutter
My insides melt and sputter
My singing sword starts to stutter
Every time she calls my name

And when she calls me
Oooo
And when she calls me
All is fair in love and war
It's give and take and a little bit more

Do you love me she asks
With eyes locked on me
I'll wake you up when September ends

I'll sing a swan song for you, dear
I've come to take you to Valhalla's doors
All is fair in love and war
All is fair in love and war





======ORIGINAL VERSION======
Draw the line
My father's enemies must die
Years of war
Started long before

I see them now
Valkyries fly through the sky
Hark now I hear the siren's battle cry

My heart is aflutter
My insides melt and sputter
My grey matter stutters
Every time I hear her sing

I came to fight
Not to fall in love and die
She looks my way
As if I have something to say

Swan feathers
Give her flight
Death's a doorway to delight

My heart is aflutter
My insides melt and sputter
My grey matter stutters
Every time I hear her sing

And when she calls me
Oooo
And when she calls me
All is fair in love and war
It's give and take and a little bit more

Do you love me she asks
With eyes locked on me
I'll wake you up when September ends

I'll sing a swan song for you, dear
I've come to take you to Valhalla's doors
All is fair in love and war

I came to fight
Not to fall in love and die
She looks my way
As if I have something to say

Raven beauty
I am only flesh and bone
Many a kingdom overthrown

My heart is aflutter
My insides melt and sputter
My grey matter stutters
Every time I hear her sing

And when she calls me
Oooo
And when she calls me
All is fair in love and war
It's give and take and a little bit more

Do you love me she asks
With eyes locked on me
I'll wake you up when September ends

I'll sing a swan song for you, dear
I've come to take you to Valhalla's doors
All is fair in love and war
All is fair in love and war]]> Sunday Songwriters Group jamestoffee https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y9w2-love-war/#post-40225