https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y9w44-renees-notes/ Guitar Noise Discussion Board en-US Thu, 04 Jun 2026 19:56:25 +0000 wpForo 60 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y9w44-renees-notes/#post-369010 Wed, 31 Aug 2011 18:09:42 +0000 Sunday Songwriters Group John Sargent https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y9w44-renees-notes/#post-369010 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y9w44-renees-notes/#post-369009 Wed, 31 Aug 2011 17:50:16 +0000
For now these are all just vague ideas for lyrics.

Here's the one from today

8/31/2011 - Regretting bad choices

Traveling to Boston way back then.
We made love in the back of the van.
I thought I had become a woman.

Now I'm almost twenty-one,
Playing with my five year old son.
I'm tired of being someone's mom.

We never did too well in school.
Never liked to follow the rules.
....

You take him.

(Note: I have my problems with this one. How not to make it sound exaggerated when in fact it's all true. Based on a relative's life. I wanted to make it about the kid's father, but then I wouldn't be able to sing it.)]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Hobson https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y9w44-renees-notes/#post-369009 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y9w44-renees-notes/#post-369000 Wed, 31 Aug 2011 04:31:15 +0000
It was here before, but now it's gone away.
I wish I could get a simple thought to stay.

Folded notes in my pockets there to remind me
If only I could remember which pocket to look in.
Hi Renee,

There's a vast army of ageing baby boomers who are a natural market for your song. :D The tricky part will be putting enough of a spin on it to make it interesting. One possible angle is to take a specific instance and tell a moving or intriguing story about somebody forgetting. My brother once told me that he went everywhere with a bunch of handwritten notes in his shirt pocket, but (exactly as in your lyric) he'd then forget to look at them. As he was the captain of a 747 Jumbo jet flying all round the world at the time, this gave rise to some slightly worrying images! What did they say? "Turn left at Paris for London?" "Pull stick back to go up, push fowards to go down.."?? :)

Comedy is a good angle too. Here's a brilliant one from Tom Rush on the subject The Remember Song.

Good luck with your writing. Like David, my first thought was that your second idea might be a better bet. It would probably be easier to turn into an interesting song.

Cheers,

Chris]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Chris C https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y9w44-renees-notes/#post-369000 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y9w44-renees-notes/#post-368993 Wed, 31 Aug 2011 03:17:28 +0000
Really like the first group of ideas, especially the second set.

One thing you might try to focus on is being a little less passive in your descriptions. Doing so helps cut out a bit of clutter. For instance in the first set of lines you might try something like this:

It was here, but now it's gone away.
Even my simplest thoughts are strays.

No pun intended but it's just a thought.

Looking forward to the rest of your ideas whenever you get back. Hope it's a fun trip (or wherever you're off to).

Peace]]> Sunday Songwriters Group David Hodge https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y9w44-renees-notes/#post-368993 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y9w44-renees-notes/#post-41755 Tue, 30 Aug 2011 22:43:13 +0000
8/29/2011 - Losing your ability to remember things.

It was here before, but now it's gone away.
I wish I could get a simple thought to stay.

Folded notes in my pockets there to remind me
If only I could remember which pocket to look in.

Whose birthday is coming up? I know it's someone.
I should buy a card, but don't know which one to get.

8/30/2011 - Search and rescue

Through the long night all we can do is wait
In the morning we'll try to determine your fate

Climbing up through the aspens and pines
From the high desert to the line.
You made the choice to cross and now you are lost.]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Hobson https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/y9w44-renees-notes/#post-41755