https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/year-3-week-5/ Guitar Noise Discussion Board en-US Thu, 04 Jun 2026 20:01:50 +0000 wpForo 60 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/year-3-week-5/#post-79332 Sat, 11 Dec 2004 12:46:05 +0000
just wanted to let ya know I like it too :D especially the chorus, ending and the 'sundown' part

great job
bluenightangel]]> Sunday Songwriters Group straycat. https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/year-3-week-5/#post-79332 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/year-3-week-5/#post-79210 Fri, 10 Dec 2004 19:10:04 +0000
Great recommendation, Scratch. I'll incorporate it immediatly.

I was thinking about doing this in Travis picking (like Dust in the Wind) and having a second female voice repeating every line. Thanks for the ideas about the chorus Scratch, I'm pretty sure I can use them.

I hope next time I'll find my own headline, but this was just too good not to use. Credits go to Taintedpoet!

Greetz,
Christiaan]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Christiaan https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/year-3-week-5/#post-79210 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/year-3-week-5/#post-78974 Thu, 09 Dec 2004 01:00:49 +0000
SOME REALLY GOOD WRITTING HERE MY FAVOUITE PART IS :

There are fish
And a herd of horses
They drink with their ponies at dawn
There are people
They try to hunt them
While I wash away in the dusk

IT DID NOT TAKE LONG TO IMAGINE THIS SCENE AT ALL YOU PAINTED A VERY NICE TALE (SO TO SAY ) .

I FOR ONE LIKE IT WELL DONE

CHEERS]]> Sunday Songwriters Group lotto king https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/year-3-week-5/#post-78974 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/year-3-week-5/#post-78936 Wed, 08 Dec 2004 23:24:26 +0000 i especially like the chorus

One spring, we share the same water
One tide, one sun and one moon
Although we sleep in two beds
And two winds ruffle our surfaces
Our undercurrent's the same

really very good imagry for me :)

Go well
Ja'mir :wink:]]> Sunday Songwriters Group jamir https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/year-3-week-5/#post-78936 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/year-3-week-5/#post-78834 Wed, 08 Dec 2004 15:25:43 +0000
I second all that Scratch said - great writing.
I have faith
That at the sundown
There I will meet you again -love that bit.

The question is, will you be forever known as 'Christiaan the Headline thief'??!!!!!
Fair enough, you did manage to do something different with it.

Keep writing.

G]]> Sunday Songwriters Group gjbrake https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/year-3-week-5/#post-78834 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/year-3-week-5/#post-78776 Wed, 08 Dec 2004 02:39:26 +0000
Hope it won't be so long until you next post! This is really good. Wonderful use of imagery. Wonderful structure. And terrific story. The only suggestion I might offer, is to prefer metaphor to simile.
So the first verse would read:

You and me,
a single river,
that split in two somewhere....

I read the chorus as almost a litany, or a declaration / response kind of feel. Could be done with 2 seperate voices very effectively. Especially if you used a male and female voice to do it.

One spring
we share the same water
One tide
one sun and one moon

I'll hush now, and let some others chime in. But just wanted to say, real good work!]]> Sunday Songwriters Group scratchmonkey https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/year-3-week-5/#post-78776 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/year-3-week-5/#post-5411 Wed, 08 Dec 2004 02:11:56 +0000 I hope you don't mind I "stole" your headline, Taintedpoet. I think I wrote my own view on the idea, and didn't copy any of your ideas.
Anyway, this is it:


A river that has two paths

You and me
Are like one river
That splits up in two somewhere
Came from one
But found their own way
Twisting and turning through time

One spring, we share the same water
One tide, one sun and one moon
Although we sleep in two beds
And two winds ruffle our surfaces
Our undercurrent's the same

There are fish
And a herd of horses
They drink with their ponies at dawn
There are people
They try to hunt them
While I wash away in the dusk

One spring, we share the same water
One tide, one sun and one moon
Although we sleep in two beds
And two winds ruffle our surfaces
Our undercurrent's the same

I miss you
The world's all hills now
The rains here remind me of you
I have faith
That at the sundown
There I will meet you again

Where I run into the ocean
Where I run into the ocean
Where everything becomes one
Where we run into the ocean]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Christiaan https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/year-3-week-5/#post-5411