https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/year-3-wk-36-dancing-girl-blues-rated-pg/ Guitar Noise Discussion Board en-US Thu, 04 Jun 2026 20:03:56 +0000 wpForo 60 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/year-3-wk-36-dancing-girl-blues-rated-pg/#post-112897 Fri, 22 Jul 2005 05:08:20 +0000
(Compare the song "Face on the Cutting Room Floor" which you can see the lyrics of on http://www.poemhunter.com)

BTW, when I met my wife, she was the program director for Girls Club of Hollywood. At the time, one of the girls there in the after school program there had a mother who was a "dancer" at a club around the corner called the "Balled Eagle" where there was a backroom business as well as dancing. Periodically, when the mom was late, my wife had to go to the Balled Eagle and retrieve her. from the backroom. "Oh. Uh. She'll be out in five minutes."

The daughter would always proudly and carefully announce "my mom is a DANCER".

There's a little dramatic tension. (Not suggesting that you take your song in that particular direction. Just a relevant anecdote.)

SfDean.]]> Sunday Songwriters Group sfdean https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/year-3-wk-36-dancing-girl-blues-rated-pg/#post-112897 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/year-3-wk-36-dancing-girl-blues-rated-pg/#post-111942 Sun, 17 Jul 2005 18:28:01 +0000
Joe]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Joe https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/year-3-wk-36-dancing-girl-blues-rated-pg/#post-111942 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/year-3-wk-36-dancing-girl-blues-rated-pg/#post-111936 Sun, 17 Jul 2005 17:17:10 +0000
Can't wait to tell my wife she's married to a woman in her early twenties. :?

Thanks for the compliments

I'm old enough to remember seeing The Beatles
on the Ed Sullivan Show when I was 9.

For those who know thier history that should be easy math.

I have no clue why you might think I'm female ( maybe the reference
to "Dorthey" :?:) As Muddy Waters put it "I spell it M - A - N"

I'm sure that's not the first there has been gender confusion online. :lol:

Celt]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Celt https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/year-3-wk-36-dancing-girl-blues-rated-pg/#post-111936 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/year-3-wk-36-dancing-girl-blues-rated-pg/#post-111932 Sun, 17 Jul 2005 16:37:49 +0000
Joe]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Joe https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/year-3-wk-36-dancing-girl-blues-rated-pg/#post-111932 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/year-3-wk-36-dancing-girl-blues-rated-pg/#post-111838 Sun, 17 Jul 2005 00:28:04 +0000 Sunday Songwriters Group guitargeek https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/year-3-wk-36-dancing-girl-blues-rated-pg/#post-111838 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/year-3-wk-36-dancing-girl-blues-rated-pg/#post-111806 Sat, 16 Jul 2005 20:51:50 +0000
I see what you mean about the place name. I needed something with
two sylables to fit the music and Boston was the first place that came
to mind. Probaly because my grandsons are huge Red Sox fans.
I like Kansas though ,it congers up images of Middle America,
Dorethy,Toto and the whole gang.

Maybe Scranton or Yonkers would work too ?

The music at this point is just a
basic I - IV - V progression.

(I)----------------------------------------
Look at her dancing up on that stage
----------------------------------------------------
Acting like she fell off of some magazine page
(IV)------------------
Look at her shake it
------------------------(I)
Look at her move it around
(V)--------------------------(IV)
One more saturday night and
-------------------------------------(I)--------(V)
She's gonna have to blow this town

The bridge would be IV - I - IV - V



Thanks again

Celt]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Celt https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/year-3-wk-36-dancing-girl-blues-rated-pg/#post-111806 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/year-3-wk-36-dancing-girl-blues-rated-pg/#post-111785 Sat, 16 Jul 2005 18:23:58 +0000
This wasn't the way she'd hoped to see her name in lights
And tonight she'll make enough to leave her "fame" behind

(or something like that.)

If you're gonna write where she's going, make it someplace more distinct, like the Bronx, or Riverdale, Washington Heights, or even Kansas. I don't know, just a thought. Otherwise, good job on the lyrics. Enjoyed reading them again.

Joe]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Joe https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/year-3-wk-36-dancing-girl-blues-rated-pg/#post-111785 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/year-3-wk-36-dancing-girl-blues-rated-pg/#post-111709 Sat, 16 Jul 2005 05:46:07 +0000
Thanks for the suggestions and tips.

I reworked this a bit adding a bridge and taking the money
angle out of it until the end. It still remains a fairly light weight
rocker without too much "emotional crap"(I love that phrase, Thanks Joe)

As I was reworking this I came to realize this should be thought of as
an Old Time Carnival Barker trying to entice you into seeing the show.

(BOYS AND GIRLS LADIES AND GENTS SEE AMAZING ACTS OF WONDER FOR ONLY FIFTY CENTS)

So the story most likely isn't even true. So who cares?

Ok I'll shut up now Here's the rewrite

Dancing Girl Blues

Look at her dancing up on that stage
Acting like she fell off of some magazine page
Look at her shake it
Look at her move it around
One more saturday night and
She's gonna have to blow this town

When she first came into L A thought she'd be a big star
Her name up on the marquee chaffeur driving her car
But she never heard her phone ring
She never got that come back call
And no one ever warned her
Just how far your dreams can fall

So

Look at her dancing up on that stage
Acting like she fell off of some magazine page
Look at her shake it
Look at her move it around
One more saturday night and
She's gonna have to blow this town

Bridge:

This sure as hell ain't the way she planned to make her fame
She'll be heading back to Boston with no one but herself to blame
( Ain't it a shame)

For now just

Look at her dancing up on that stage
Acting like she fell off of some magazine page
Look at her shake it
Look at her move it around
One more saturday night and
She's gonna have to blow this town


Everybody's acting in this fantasy play
She knows all of her lines and the part she must play
She'll take your beer stained dollars
Make you feel like you're a man
And tonight she'll be a big star
Though it isn't quite the way she planned

So you can,

Look at her dancing up on that stage
Acting like she fell off of some magazine page
Look at her shake it
Look at her move it around
One more saturday night and
She's gonna have to blow this town



One more saturday night and
She'll make enuogh to leave this town]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Celt https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/year-3-wk-36-dancing-girl-blues-rated-pg/#post-111709 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/year-3-wk-36-dancing-girl-blues-rated-pg/#post-111143 Thu, 14 Jul 2005 04:59:55 +0000
as a light weight rocker I think this works fine. If you wanted to get a bit deeper then maybe an outro to replace the last two lines might work. Hammer an "emotional crap" type message at the end when its least expected.
Good work :D .

pb]]> Sunday Songwriters Group pbee https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/year-3-wk-36-dancing-girl-blues-rated-pg/#post-111143 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/year-3-wk-36-dancing-girl-blues-rated-pg/#post-111068 Thu, 14 Jul 2005 00:55:04 +0000
Why should anybody care about this character?
All I've given you is another failed starlet who ends up
stripping and wanting to get out.

I'll have to think about it and see if I can come up with
some "emotional crap" to fill this out .
I'm think maybe a bridge might work well here.

Thanks for the input,

Celt]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Celt https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/year-3-wk-36-dancing-girl-blues-rated-pg/#post-111068