https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/year-7-week-1/ Guitar Noise Discussion Board en-US Thu, 04 Jun 2026 07:25:38 +0000 wpForo 60 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/year-7-week-1/#post-313172 Sat, 08 Nov 2008 02:18:12 +0000
And Nick, you lasted a whole 45 seconds?]]> Sunday Songwriters Group katreich https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/year-7-week-1/#post-313172 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/year-7-week-1/#post-313143 Fri, 07 Nov 2008 19:03:07 +0000
Well I did stop listening to it after 45 seconds. I'm going to watch sportscenter now.]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Nick Torres https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/year-7-week-1/#post-313143 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/year-7-week-1/#post-313136 Fri, 07 Nov 2008 18:20:24 +0000
The vocal delivery's strong and confident, the guitar accompaniment's spot on - what more do you want! Said it before - you write great songs. Lyrics that people can relate to, melodies that stick in the head, and you put 'em together beautifully. I'd probably still listen to mainstream radio if there was more music like this on.

:D :D :D

Vic]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Vic Lewis VL https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/year-7-week-1/#post-313136 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/year-7-week-1/#post-312992 Thu, 06 Nov 2008 07:55:32 +0000 Mood? Romance? Why waste time?
Then we can spoon until the light of night is gone . . .
Then we can spoon until the dark of night is gone . . .
But here and now, the moonlight's getting low . . .
But here and now, the moonlight's burning low . . . :note1: Spooooon by the light of the silvery moon . . . :note2: . . . nice imagery . . . OK, now it's getting romantic.

OK, Dylan, you've heard it.
Whatta ya think? Isn't she great?

Me? (sighing . . . romantically)
I'm just going to listen to this song again and again and again and again . . . .]]> Sunday Songwriters Group KR2 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/year-7-week-1/#post-312992 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/year-7-week-1/#post-312988 Thu, 06 Nov 2008 07:03:12 +0000
I wish my scratch tracks would sound this good. You're sounding more confident with every recording.

Totally understand about the fighting with the recorder, though. Don't even want to get started on that topic.

As always, a pleasure. Looking forward to listening to it in person one day.

Oh, one last idea - might make a great duet...

Peace]]> Sunday Songwriters Group David Hodge https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/year-7-week-1/#post-312988 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/year-7-week-1/#post-312987 Thu, 06 Nov 2008 06:49:05 +0000 I've reversed the bridge, changed a couple of the lyrics and made a mediocre recording.
I just got tired of fighting with the recorder!
The soundclick link is here:

Song page: http://soundclick.com/share?songid=7035989]]> Sunday Songwriters Group katreich https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/year-7-week-1/#post-312987 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/year-7-week-1/#post-312982 Thu, 06 Nov 2008 06:02:59 +0000
On the other hand, while I agree with Nick's assessment on the first verse, I'm not certain as how to best set up the scene because you actually do a decent job of it. The first two lines can stay, but maybe a few specifics mixed into the later lines can help:

Lying in the dark my head upon your beating heart
We court and spark, don't want to be apart
The outside world calls me home from this special place
Though I want to spend the night wrapped up in your embrace
Each moment that I'm blessed here with the love we've come to know
I hate myself for leaving you, it's time for me to go.

I'm not really happy with this suggestion, either. But I do think you can make this verse more personal, and in that way make it more universal. I guess what I'm trying to say is that instead of setting a scene, stick the listener right in the middle of it.

Oh, and Dylan, don't be shy about making comments. One of the best ways to make your own writing better is to get involved on the nuts-and-bolts level of writing like this. You won't offend anyone here at the SSG. We're all participating because we want to get better. It's a workshop, not an appreciation society (although that's what we appreciate about it :wink: ).

Looking forward to hearing this one at some point soon.

Peace]]> Sunday Songwriters Group David Hodge https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/year-7-week-1/#post-312982 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/year-7-week-1/#post-312906 Wed, 05 Nov 2008 16:14:03 +0000
just my 2 cents]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Nick Torres https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/year-7-week-1/#post-312906 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/year-7-week-1/#post-312901 Wed, 05 Nov 2008 14:52:49 +0000
Sound like you've been a regular on this thread so please excuse the rambling comments of a beginner.

It's a great story and yes, I've been there too!

I'd like to hear the song first before commenting - what chord structure are you going to use?

The only thing I see at the moment is that the title carries through nicely but I would keep up the theme and change the last line of the second verse to "To avoid the confrontation, I guess it's time for me to go"

Hmmm, that's it really :oops: Look forward to hearing it.

Rock on!

D 8)]]> Sunday Songwriters Group DylanBarrett https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/year-7-week-1/#post-312901 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/year-7-week-1/#post-312889 Wed, 05 Nov 2008 08:09:52 +0000
Looks like another good one taking shape. I enjoyed the back-story as much as the song... :D

I had almost the same thoughts as Vic about switching those lines and maybe making a small change as he suggested. I also had the same instant time travel at the word "spoon"! :mrgreen:

I think there's been a cutlery based revolution in dating imagery since then. Once they used to 'spoon', then they moved on to 'going at it like knives' and now they just save time and go straight to the 'forking'...although my hearing's not as good as it once was... groan.... :roll:

Looking forward to hearing... ah geez, I should just copy and paste from Vic's posts and be done with it!

Cheers,

Chris]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Chris C https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/year-7-week-1/#post-312889