https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/year-7-week-41/ Guitar Noise Discussion Board en-US Fri, 05 Jun 2026 08:08:56 +0000 wpForo 60 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/year-7-week-41/#post-344456 Mon, 14 Dec 2009 19:14:55 +0000 Great to see you again.

IMO - A wonderfully well written story/lyric.

I felt 2nd person narration was a bold move, and just right for this.
Not easy to pull off a song in 2nd person.... I think you did it, though.

A switch to 3rd person would really make it bland.

Here's what Wiki says about 2nd person narration:

"Probably the rarest mode in literature (though quite common in song lyrics) is the second-person narrative mode, in which the narrator refers to one of the characters as "you", therefore making the audience member feel as if he or she is a character within the story.
The second-person point of view is intended to create an intense sense of intimacy between the narrator and the reader, causing the reader to feel implicit in and powerless against a plot that leads him, blindly, through his (the reader's and the narrator's) own destruction and redemption."

I def got a sense of a song I've heard before, though I can't quite place it at the moment.
Especially with the 'you show tenacity, audacity' line.... hmmmm?

Closest song I can think of right off the top of my head close to this style is (although not 2nd person):
Berlin's 'Sex (I'm a....)'

Again, great job 8)

Thankx for getting around to posting!

Ken]]> Sunday Songwriters Group CitiZenNoir https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/year-7-week-41/#post-344456 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/year-7-week-41/#post-344077 Mon, 07 Dec 2009 05:11:41 +0000
Your background helps understand the set-up of the song. What kind of music do you have in mind?

Suggestion:
Maybe go for third person narrator instead of second person. Second person comes off a bit strange telling the singee what they already know....For example:

The Jedi charge your space to catch you.
That's when your apprentice fires on your ship.
The Jedi capture you and bring you to the light.
The Sith hunt you down but you give them the slip

To
The Jedi charge HIS space to catch HIM.
That's when HIS apprentice fires on HIS ship.
The Jedi capture HIM and bring HIM to the light.
The Sith hunt HIM down but HE giveS them the slip

This makes me wonder if there is a web site devoted to Star Wars music....a quick google search shows http://www.comedycorner.org/14.html but it would be interesting to see if there was a community of songwriters and star wars or maybe sci-fi fans.....probably a small market niche but a devoted following of hard core Star Wars/Sci-fi fans.....and I know they are out there :wink:

Thanks for sharing.....may the force be with you :wink:

James

Background:
WEEK 41
OK, let's try something a little off-beat this week - what I'd like you to do is imagine you're a mythical hero (Hercules or Achilles, for example) or super-hero (Superman, Spiderman etc) and write about the down-side of your career.]]> Sunday Songwriters Group jamestoffee https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/year-7-week-41/#post-344077 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/year-7-week-41/#post-37947 Mon, 07 Dec 2009 04:43:54 +0000


The war is underway.
The republic calls for aid.
The council demands caution,
but your saber can't be stayed.

You unite the Jedi to oyour cause.
The fight under your banner and flag because your are....


Their leader, their general.
You take front and center stage.
You show tenacity, audacity.
You are the greatest of our age.
You're unyielding, unbending,
You battle for what's right.
You show restoration and salvation.
You are the prodigal knight.

Give yourself to the dark.
Become what they need you to be
Discover the hidden truths.
See what they refuse to see.

You do this because you are:

Their leader, their general.
You take front and center stage.
You show tenacity, audacity.
You are the greatest of our age.
You're unyielding, unbending,
You battle for what's right.
You show restoration and salvation.
You are the prodigal knight.

The Jedi charge your ship to catch you.
That's when your apprentice fires on your ship.
The Jedi capture you and bring you to the light.
The Sith hunt you down but you give them the slip

The Sith look unbeatable their forces infinite
The republic is on the brink of defeat
They call for someone to inspire the troops
Once again you take command of their fleet

The soldiers cannot break the sith lines
You lead the next charge to end it for all
Confronting your old apprentice you swear
It is right here, right now that you shall fall

You win the battle because you are:

Their leader, their general.
You take front and center stage.
You show tenacity, audacity.
You are the greatest of our age.
You're unyielding, unbending,
You battle for what's right.
You show restoration and salvation.
You are the prodigal knight.

You are
You are
You arrrrrrrrrre
Their villian, their conquerer, their nothing
Their hero, their savior, their everything


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It's a bit long because I got a little carried away with it. Any comments and feedback are appreciated.]]> Sunday Songwriters Group GrungeSunset https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/year-7-week-41/#post-37947