https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/year-8-week-25-sisters-secrets/ Guitar Noise Discussion Board en-US Thu, 04 Jun 2026 22:25:24 +0000 wpForo 60 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/year-8-week-25-sisters-secrets/#post-351709 Thu, 22 Apr 2010 01:54:20 +0000
I think story wise it can fit into the genre well but it seems to have some
structural problems. It's kind of hard to explain without going through line
by line which unfortunately I don't have the time for right now.

I'll try the first verse: I entertain my sister's friend
I entertain my sister's friend
In a small dress my sister picked out for me Probably the whole thing would work better in past tense

I was entertaining my sister's friend
I was entertaining my sister's friend
In (this little red dress) she picked out for me To me little red dress just seems more Bluesy.
Kind of like a Blues car is a Cadillac,or Chevy, maybe Ford but never a Volvo or BMW.

Does that make sense or am I rambling incoherently again.

Anyway Just Some Thoughts

:note1: :note1: :note1:

John]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Celt https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/year-8-week-25-sisters-secrets/#post-351709 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/year-8-week-25-sisters-secrets/#post-351683 Wed, 21 Apr 2010 16:22:05 +0000
This does seem like a dark theme. It reminds me of Biblical times or days when a blood-line heir or monarchy was at stake....tragedy and heartbreak seem blues material.

Regarding "blues" form you seemed to have it at the beginning....basically repeating one line two or three times then the fourth line as the "pay-off" line.

I agree experimenting with the 3rd person angle might be the way to go as well....maybe the singer can be a woman or man gossiping and telling the story in a small town....For example,

Did you hear about Sally May?....had a baby girl yesterday
Her sister did her wrong....got her knocked up and strung along
Can't blame Sally for what she did.....sister had it coming
Sally would have started school again....but now is raising a baby girl behind bars
etc....

Kudos for pushing through and getting the lyrics out and posted. :wink:

James]]> Sunday Songwriters Group jamestoffee https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/year-8-week-25-sisters-secrets/#post-351683 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/year-8-week-25-sisters-secrets/#post-351662 Wed, 21 Apr 2010 08:17:01 +0000 Sunday Songwriters Group GrungeSunset https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/year-8-week-25-sisters-secrets/#post-351662 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/year-8-week-25-sisters-secrets/#post-351658 Wed, 21 Apr 2010 05:08:53 +0000
GS - might make a nice exercise for you to turn it into a song that's written from a male viewpoint. Gives me an idea for a future assignment.....

:D :D :D

Vic Vic - I don't see how a male can sing it without being the bad guy, which would be vile. Maybe my imagination is weak on this one. But even the first verse is cumbersome:

She entertains her sister's friend
In a small dress she picked out for her

Regarding changing the gender of the song, there are several threads about that here somewhere. Usually it's a girl having trouble singing the guy's lyrics, which can be weird unless you're Melissa Etheridge - who does it quite well (Maggie Mae, Shook Me All Night Long). However, I've been thinking that the other way around is even harder. I can't imaging a guy singing Bobby McGee. Which just validates this future assignment.]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Dan Lasley https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/year-8-week-25-sisters-secrets/#post-351658 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/year-8-week-25-sisters-secrets/#post-351642 Wed, 21 Apr 2010 00:07:49 +0000
GS - might make a nice exercise for you to turn it into a song that's written from a male viewpoint. Gives me an idea for a future assignment.....

:D :D :D

Vic]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Vic Lewis VL https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/year-8-week-25-sisters-secrets/#post-351642 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/year-8-week-25-sisters-secrets/#post-351629 Tue, 20 Apr 2010 19:34:57 +0000
That said, I'd be interested to hear how you set it to music. What did you have in mind after you finished it?]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Dan Lasley https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/year-8-week-25-sisters-secrets/#post-351629 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/year-8-week-25-sisters-secrets/#post-38969 Tue, 20 Apr 2010 05:07:01 +0000
I'm posting it anyway because it took a while for me to write. If by some miracle it is blues, awesome. If not, how do I make it blues?

Here's the song:


Sister's Secrets
======================================


I entertain my sister's friend
I entertain my sister's friend
In a small dress my sister picked out for me

Something seems off about the night
Something just isn't right
He looks at me more than her

She doesn't seem to care
She acts like she's not there
Covered head to toe in baggy clothes

She offers wine to drink
The room spins I can't think
She takes me upstairs to bed

As I sleep it's him that I see
Climbing on top of me
Then going inside of me

My world is upside down
And doesn't make sense
No matter where I go
I can feel another presence
It's coming to get me
It will tear my life apart
My sister catches me as I fall
But it will break Daddy's heart

I keeping waking up feel sick
I spend every morning feeling sick
Sister assures me it's just the flu

The sickness doesn't go away
Every step on the scale, the more I weigh
Doctor says it's all in my head

My world is upside down
And doesn't make sense
No matter where I go
I can feel another presence
It's growing inside of me
It‘s tearing my life apart
My sister catches me as I fall
But it will break Daddy's heart

I tell dad I'm bigger cause I'm eating more
Seven months later it doesn't work anymore
Sister confesses she's behind it all

She wants to give Daddy a male heir
Grew it in me but she doesn't care
Goes to Daddy and says it's all my fault

My world is upside down
And doesn't make sense
No matter where I go
I can feel another presence
It's growing inside of me
It‘s tearing my life apart
My sister allows me to fall
And I break Daddy's heart

I couldn't bear the news
A struggle soon ensues
Stairs end her scheme once and for all

My world is upside down
And doesn't make sense
No matter where I go
I can feel another presence
It wasn't growing inside me
It was my sister's presence
My sister tumbled and took a fall
Let her because she was behind it all

There was one last act of defiance
Yes, one last act of defiance
That caused her plan to unfurl
I gave birth to a girl]]> Sunday Songwriters Group GrungeSunset https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/year-8-week-25-sisters-secrets/#post-38969