https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/yr3-wk13/ Guitar Noise Discussion Board en-US Thu, 04 Jun 2026 21:30:44 +0000 wpForo 60 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/yr3-wk13/#post-88371 Fri, 04 Feb 2005 22:46:12 +0000
Unless you were using a particular style of English to enhance the fact the person in the song is illiterate, and therefor can't get a proper job, it makes very difficult reading if proper spelling and gtrammer are not used,

Otherwise a pretty good song, and no I didn't think it was written in jest. I could feel for the guy in the song.

Go well
Ja'mir]]> Sunday Songwriters Group jamir https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/yr3-wk13/#post-88371 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/yr3-wk13/#post-88102 Thu, 03 Feb 2005 14:50:44 +0000 Sunday Songwriters Group Val https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/yr3-wk13/#post-88102 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/yr3-wk13/#post-88095 Thu, 03 Feb 2005 10:16:47 +0000
1. Use whole words
2. Use punctuation
3. Use a spell checker (or a dictionary)]]> Sunday Songwriters Group scratchmonkey https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/yr3-wk13/#post-88095 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/yr3-wk13/#post-87992 Wed, 02 Feb 2005 20:54:46 +0000 is there really a condescending smile reserved for the cheap?]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Anonymous https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/yr3-wk13/#post-87992 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/yr3-wk13/#post-87975 Wed, 02 Feb 2005 19:02:00 +0000
You set the scene well in the first verse with your use of imagery, but, I feel, there is one line that lets it down:

'passes me by treats me like dirt'

We can picture the 'snobby lady with the bulgin' purse' and we can see her pass the beggar by, but we can't see her ' like dirt' because the two don't necessarily equate.

We could picture her holding him in contempt if, for example, she were to pass him by with a miserly smirk.

Apart from that, I think it's an excellent piece.

I don't know what your intention is music-wise, but I can hear it as rap.]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Val https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/yr3-wk13/#post-87975 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/yr3-wk13/#post-87954 Wed, 02 Feb 2005 17:11:22 +0000 Nice flow, good story line. Nothing caught my eyes that I would change. Overall well done.
Blessings. Olav]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Olav https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/yr3-wk13/#post-87954 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/yr3-wk13/#post-87906 Wed, 02 Feb 2005 07:18:00 +0000
nice work, the story roll along well and the structure is maintained throughout the song. reckon its pretty much good to go as is.

look forward to seeing more,
sozay]]> Sunday Songwriters Group sozay https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/yr3-wk13/#post-87906 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/yr3-wk13/#post-87774 Tue, 01 Feb 2005 18:50:13 +0000 Sunday Songwriters Group guitargeek https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/yr3-wk13/#post-87774 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/yr3-wk13/#post-6809 Tue, 01 Feb 2005 16:50:15 +0000
V
sittin on the church doorsteps
hopin somen'll toss me cople cents
snoby lady w the bulgin purse
passes me by treats me like dirt
then the man from the fancy store
says i cant be on his street no more

C
but im a buissness man cant u see
im sellin pencils on the street
beggings my bussness its what i do
wont u see that im just like u
dont be cruel
V
from nine to five im on the street
and then u say i get money 4 free
i said im on the street from nine to five
and all i ever get is "get a life"
i got a famly to feed ..me myself and my dog
thats why i got this kind of job

C
cause im a buissnes man cant u see
im sellin pencils on the street
beggings my buissnes its what i do
and now u should see that im just like u
i need food
B
can u im agine watits like to be
sittin cup in hand on your knees
summer i boil winter i freeze
sogive me some ..c-c-c-ash please

cuz im a buissness maaaaaan]]> Sunday Songwriters Group waigoren https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/yr3-wk13/#post-6809