https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/yr6-week-46-empty-and-going-nowhere/ Guitar Noise Discussion Board en-US Thu, 04 Jun 2026 09:24:49 +0000 wpForo 60 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/yr6-week-46-empty-and-going-nowhere/#post-309514 Tue, 23 Sep 2008 04:46:44 +0000
I think you've got maybe 75-80% of a good song here, but it's let down a little by a weak chorus - it doesn't add anything to the song, where it should be a summing up of what's gone before, or a lead-in to the next verse. The problem is, it may have looked good on paper when you wrote the lyrics down, and they (the lyrics) may even have worked with the melody in your head - but they just don't go anywhere, or mean anything much. Maybe to you, but not the reader - me, in this case.

I think if you strengthen the chorus a little - explain WHY you couldn't live without the object of your affection, and make it clear why you've used the first time/last time contrast - you're well on the way to having a song you'll be proud of. The rest of the song works fine, for me - are you thinking call-and-response for the verses? I can see how that would work well....

Yep, that's my only quibble, the chorus - you need a good strong hook, something you can hang a riff or a melody line on, and something that means something to the average reader. I hope you can come up with something - somehow, I've a feeling you will, and I really hope you do - it'd be a shame to let what could be a really good song slip away.

:D :D :D

Vic]]> Sunday Songwriters Group Vic Lewis VL https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/yr6-week-46-empty-and-going-nowhere/#post-309514 https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/yr6-week-46-empty-and-going-nowhere/#post-33448 Mon, 22 Sep 2008 09:15:40 +0000

I used to think ,,,,,,,, Your all I need
We were in love ,,,,,, or so I believed
You turned my head ,,,,,,, with just a smile
You looked in my eyes ,,,,,,, and it drove me wild


Chorus
The first time I couldn't live without you
I'm not sure I can say
The last time I couldn't live without you
I'm not sure I can say

The first time I couldn't live without you
I'm not sure I can say
The last time I couldn't live without you
I'm not sure I can say



We'd been together ,,,,,,, since we were kids
We had it good ,,,,,,,,, yes we did
But it's gotten hard ,,,,,,,, as times have changed
We've grown apart ,,,,,,,, we're just not the same

You go your way ,,,,,,, and I go mine
Sometimes we hook up,,,,,,,,, but not most of the time
It's just so strange,,,,,,,, where we are at now
I wish we could go back ,,,,,,,,, to the first time somehow


Chorus
The first time I couldn't live without you
I'm not sure I can say
The last time I couldn't live without you
I'm not sure I can say


The first time I couldn't live without you
I'm not sure I can say
The last time I couldn't live without you
I'm not sure I can say



Now seasons have come ,,,,,,,, and seasons have gone
And we just keep ,,,,,,,, moving along
Playing the game ,,,,,,,, a kiss and a hug
All the emotions ,,,,,,,,,, swept under the rug




Empty and going nowhere
Empty and going nowhere
Empty and going nowhere
Empty and going nowhere (repeat and fade till end)]]> Sunday Songwriters Group maddog https://guitarnoise.forum/sunday-songwriters-group/yr6-week-46-empty-and-going-nowhere/#post-33448