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Guitar Noise Songwriting Club
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Topic starter
07/01/2005 10:45 am
hi all -
first time poster here, just stumbled across this site and thought i'd chime in with something i wrote today. haven't really shared my lyrics with folks i don't know since they're what i'm most apprehensive about, but this site seems like a good place for feedback. so feel free to share any thoughts - all input's much appreciated.
thanks!
-d
sitting in a
sad & lonely parking lot
wishing i were
on a train that never stops
a train would take me away
away
take me away from you
away
take me away from you
the weather
seems somehow off today
perception
broken down, blown away
imagining a world without you
a world
a world that's without you
a world
a world that's without you
[chorus]
what do i have to
do to get out of this place
what do i have to
pay to get out of this place
who do i have to kill
to get the hell out of here
i do love
all the crazy sh** you say
but really
hate the way you make me pay
i'm broke and broken from you
broke and
broken by you
broken and
broken by you
[chorus]
07/01/2005 1:35 pm
hey there, welcome! Overall i like the general feel of your song, it started off very intriging and strong and the rhyming is interesting. I wasnt too sure about the chorus though, it wasnt as good as the verses!
07/01/2005 2:16 pm
lots of imagery here, I like it.
Do what you love, love what you do
http://www.acidplanet.com
-Nick
Topic starter
07/01/2005 8:26 pm
Overall i like the general feel of your song, it started off very intriging and strong and the rhyming is interesting. I wasnt too sure about the chorus though, it wasnt as good as the verses!
thanks man - yeah the chorus is probably a little weaker in all that than the verses. it's just a kinda angry chorus. :roll:
thanks guys for both your responses. :)
08/01/2005 9:19 pm
jeez man, the chorus isnt the only angry part...its the whole song...get that anger out tho...its healthy...lol!
Do what you love, love what you do
http://www.acidplanet.com
-Nick