Check this one out... called I Wish

Really liked the line:
I wish that you would hold me down

Interesting image and phrase.

Ah, it's so easy to be a critic.

Do you hear a rhythm in your head when you're writing? Just curious what the meter is. I read your lines and try to imagine music behind it but I get lost and the rhythm falls apart.

Also, have you you ever experimented with literary devices? Metaphor, hyperbole, symbolism etc? Here's a page with great examples: http://www.uky.edu/ArtsSciences/Classics/rhetoric.html

yes i do hear a rhythm when i write songs, its not worth it unless you have a rhythm. are you subtly trying to say you don't like it?

I think 'boy meets girl' did a 'wish upon a star' song in the 80s. I'm just not sure where love songs fit in. Thinking air supply or light rock easy listening stuff.

I think 'wishing upon a star' and wishing love could be easy are very cliche. Me, personally, no I don't care for it.

Just don't stop writing music. Takes a lot of guts to put yourself out there. I respect that.

trust me, i won't stop writing just because of one comment. it does take a lot of guts. i have a feeling your an adult. my parents don't like my songs either. so i won't stop writing though.

Yeah, I guess the 80s comment gave me away. I'm new at song writing so I'm taking the opportunity to read people's songs and analyze them to steer me in a certain direction. Hope you dont mind.

What really takes guts is putting your song to music and singing it. Trust me, it doesn't get any easier the older you get.

good thing i've had practice and am only 15. if you need help with songwriting just ask me i might be young, but i've written over 140 songs (not all with music, cause i only have an acoustic guitar right now). I've had much practice and thrown a lot of 'em out the door.

Okay. Here's one I wrote Friday evening. I put it to music on Saturday. Give it to me straight.

The Magic Words
---------------------------------------------
I want it cause I want it but I can't get what I want.
Don't want to beg like a begger cause choosers never beg.
But I need it really badly, 'cause I'm feeling really bad.
And if your way's the only way, then I see no other way.

Chorus
So, please, pretty please, with sugar on top.
I'll add some sprinkles and some nuts cause I'm really going nuts.
Here's a ton of whipping cream, ton of cherries, ton of fudge.
And when I'm done we'll have some fun, 'cause you're the only one.

You've got me where you want me so I gotta get it right.
Gotta use those magic words or my words will be just words.
Wont try to fight a good fight, cause a fight is never good.
If you say 'say it' then I'll say it, cause I'd say it anyway.

[Chorus]

If winning means I'm losing you then I'd rather take the loss.
Seems freedom's not so free so I'd rather pay the price.
If I buy it then I'll spend it. Just wont spend it till it's bought.
So tell me what to tell you. There's no telling what I've thought.

[Chorus]

i like, i like... its a pretty good song, how many songs have you written if you are new? cause that is pretty good. Nice imagery and interesting rhymes.

About 20 so far, but I wrote tons of poetry in college. It just never occurred to me to put it to music. What's funny is I read alot of my old stuff and cringe. Most of it was real sappy about my broken heart (poor me) and now I realize how obscure and wishy washy the writing was because I figured everyone would get it.

The only one who was honest with me was my creative writing teacher (bast*rd), and I was always pissed at him. But now I know he was right on. So this time around I'm writing about other people in very different situations. It forces me to think outside of myself.

keep up writing. i'd like to see some of your other stuff if you don't mind showing me.

Okay. I wrote this one last week. This one's WAY out there but they were having this pirates festival in Fort Walton Beach and I couldn't help myself.
The '...'s in the song are where I hear pauses. I'm putting this to music this week. My son is 14 and plays electric guitar so maybe he can play it.

Pirates Festival
-------------------------------------------------------
(18th century military drum beat and heavy metal guitars)

Circus pirates... they dance in the streets, for one festive weekend each year.
Plastic sabres... swinging wild and free. Scaring children and babies to tears.
But the pirates are waiting, they're grinding their teeth, as they plan their evil return.
If this show becomes real, gets out of control, we'll be flogged and our corpses will burn.

Chorus:
Their flag is flying, the Jolly Roger.
I don't... think they're pretending.
They're drinking blood, slurring nasty songs.
Our souls we'll be defending.

Black Jack... a scar on his cheek, leather boots, long beard, wooden sword.
With his eye patch... he stomps down the street, he believes he's leading the hoard.
"A vast ye mateys, biscuit-maggots!" he shouts, swigging rum, his voice full of scurvy.
He releases his parrot. It's dieing to pounce. This is not your sweet little birdie.

Spectators... they gasp and they stare, but some fools just poke fun and laugh.
And the pirates... in shadows they wait, just to cut gutless tourists in half.
But it's all for fun, and fun for all, the silly sea-goers blabber.
Just avoid those cold, lifeless alleyways, where evil pirates may gather.

Chorus:
Sound the alarm, run for your lives.
The days of pillage draw near.
Kiss your children goodnight, and pray for your wives.
Cause soon you may live your nightmares.

like that one too. i agree it is way out there. it'd be interesting to see how it is sung/played. i tried playing a melody in my head. its just hard to know if that is how you wrote it.

I appreciate the kind words. I guess it all comes down to the final tune.

Knowing that your 15 I'm highly impressed. I think you have a bright future in song writing. Never give up or you'll regret it.