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Guitar Noise Songwriting Club
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Topic starter
18/12/2005 2:48 am
well I wrote this song but it doesn't totally ryhme,but I've heard many acoustic songs that don't and they sound great!! so let me know what you think...and tips would be helpful too!
-In your eyes-
Can you feel it flowing through your veins?
In the air, Through your hair.
Its all a dream come true.
Look around the colors havn't faded away.
They only shine.
This is what I've been waiting for all my life.
It feels I'm waking up for the very first time.
This is the night the stars will fall from the skies.
I pray, I'm the one that falls right into your beautiful eyes.
So alive, let this light be the one that brightens up your smile and make it worth everything.
Falling down... Falling down... Falling down... into your beautiful eyes....
19/12/2005 12:25 am
youngrawker
i think you have potential with this song, it needs length more story tell us were its going
ps you will get better replies if you post this in the right forum
ttyl
mystic :wink:
Topic starter
28/12/2005 12:00 am
oh, wow....shoot.... :lol:
ok, thanks!
17/01/2006 1:03 am
i like rap and metal but its veeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeery good!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
but u could use some intense lines 2 make it sound even more romantic.
17/01/2006 8:29 am
You sure have some quality lines and some nice imagery here. I especially like the first part:
"Can you feel it flowing through your veins?
In the air, Through your hair.
Its all a dream come true. "
That's really some fantastic poetry, and great imagery.
I do think that this song could use a bit more structure. Since I like the first part so much, I'd make that the chorus. The "This is ... beautiful eyes" bit sounds like a solid verse. You'd probably want to add another verse, with a different set of lyrics. The "Look ... shine" part could act as a bridge and the "So alive..." part will serve as an outro. Just some suggestions.
02/05/2006 9:12 pm
It's very nice.
I think at the end you could have some sort of beatiful soloing for a few minutes.
Hey.